Love Story
by wontstoptilwesurrender
Summary: Clare is a lovely princess living in the land of Degrassi. She's best friends with a stable boy, Elijah. Things are perfect until she's forced into a marriage...with her best friend's worst enemy! New Epilogue!
1. You'll be the Prince

"Who is the host of this party?" Randall Edwards asked his two daughters as they took a seat in the main dining room table.

The eldest girl spoke. "Prince Coyne is having a ball to help his four friends find a wife. The four princes are Mark and Adam of the Fitzgerald Kingdom, and KC and Andrew of the Torres Kingdom."

Randall seemed deep in thought. He didn't like the idea of having his only daughters attending an unsupervised party. He also didn't want any of the princes taking an interest in either of the girls. His main worry was Jenna, the younger of the two. She could be easily persuaded into almost anything. She was really sweet and friendly; maybe that was her problem. Her older sister, Clare, was quite the opposite. She was modest and reserved, only speaking when necessary.

"Please, Father, allow Jenna to go," Clare implored, taking a sip of water from her silver goblet. "She has been extremely good lately and it'd be fantastic if she happened to find a husband there."

Randall nearly choked on his wine. Jenna was far too young to even consider marriage; she had just turned fifteen the previous month.

"Please, I really would like to go," Jenna whined, "and maybe…Clare here can come along as well."  
>Clare's eyes popped out. She didn't like the party scene. Things got wild at times, usually a brawl would start between one of the royals and their wives would argue as well. She also didn't like the way some princes eyed her like she was a piece of meat. all in all, Clare wanted to stay as far away from partying as possible.<p>

Randall knew Clare would be able to keep Jenna grounded. She'd probably sit in a corner reading a book, and even though it bothered imagining his daughter being so anti-social, he was relieved she could be trusted. Maybe she was his real pride and joy.

"Clare, I insist you go," Randall said after a few moments. "It'll do you good to make some new friends and see our neighbors. I think that Coyne boy is a real catch, especially for a lovely girl such as yourself. And you, Jenna, should try talking to that KC boy. His family has very good investments in the cattle industry."

Jenna smiled brightly and Clare grimaced. Parties for royalty were busy events. A dress had to be picked out, along with a new hairstyle that no one else had worn. It also meant that Clare would have to spend time away from her friend, Elijah.

She had to keep their friendship in secret because of social status. Clare was next in line for the throne; Elijah was a poor stable worker. He was a kind, mysterious young man with the greenest eyes Clare had ever seen. She hated admitting it to herself but she liked him. He was attractive, not just physically, but he also had a charming personality. He cared for her, too, in his own ways which meant meeting in secret behind the horse stables at night. Now with a party, Clare could have to option but leave Elijah all by himself for the night. It really killed her, since she had grown so attached to him.

"Clare!" Jenna exclaimed, snapping her fingers in her sister's face. "Let's go get ready for tonight. You must help me choose between my yellow dress and my pink one."

Clare would've rather jump off her balcony than pick a puffy, princess dress with her sister. She detested dressing up, and when she did, she wore simple outfits. Nothing outrageous like Jenna. They were as different as they come.

"Clare, are you okay?" Jenna asked, gently stopping her sister from walking down the corridor and onto the stairwell. "You've been too quiet lately and frankly, it's scaring me. You're not sick are you?"

Clare shook her head quickly. "I-I'm fine, thank you. Let's head into our bedrooms."

Clare had chosen the bedroom farthest away from the rest of the family. It faced the south garden that overlooked a small lake. Besides the lake, was the horse stables where she visited Elijah. The large balcony allowed nearly ten people to peer over the land. She usually took a book to read and sat in the shade, turning page after page. Sometimes Elijah would climb the tree next to her balcony and they'd talk for hours on end.

"Maybe you should wear your peach dress," Jenna suggested, opening Clare's wardrobe widely and pushing through dresses. "It looks so _great _on you."

Clare knew for a fact that Jenna hated that dress with a passion. She hated it as well but it was a present from her Grandmother Edwards so she couldn't bring herself to throw it out.

"Can I borrow your beige dress with the pearls on the neckline?" Jenna murmured, pulling out a long beige dress with a low neckline accentuated with little water pearls. The bottom was puffed out and made Clare look curvy. "I just love this dress. You won't mind will you, Clare-bear?"

Clare just nodded, more interested in the view from her balcony. She could see Elijah feeding the horses. One of them was Romeo, Clare's sandy-colored Estonian horse. She loved that horse to death, more than she loved her own sister. Elijah turned to look at her and smirked. _That smirk will be the death of me_, Clare thought.

Elijah was shirtless, sweat running down his bare, tan chest. His hands were glistening with the horse water and his hair was matted to his forehead. He waved a little and turned back to the horse, running his long fingers down his mane.

One of the maid's came running out to Elijah, holding a glass of what looked like lemonade. She was Julia, Clare's closest friend on the grounds. She was a pretty young girl of Clare's age. She had black colored her and dark brown eyes that sent waves of comfort through anyone she looked at. Julia was a nice girl, even though she hated her job as a maid. Clare wanted to ask Randall for Julia to be her personal maid, to treat her better, but knew her father wouldn't agree. She was still planning to try, and maybe give Julia a taste of the good life.

"Ooh Clare, pick a dress already!" Jenna laughed.

Clare had no option but to close her balcony doors and turn to face her own hell. She looked though her wardrobe, pushing dresses of every color aside and examining a few closely. None appealed to her much. That is, until she reached a dark green dress with a plunging neckline and emeralds along the length of the skirt. The emerald color reminded her of Elijah's deep eyes. She pulled it out and set it over her bedspread.

"This is my dress," Clare announced proudly.

Jenna glared enviously. She wanted that dress probably, but she was too late in choosing it. "Well, _Clare-bear, _that dress is alright, I guess. Nothing too amazing, in my opinion, but it is your choice."

Clare grinned even wider and almost shoved Jenna out of her room. "I must take a shower. Go get ready and I'll meet you in the garden in two hours."

When she was alone, Clare rushed to take a shower with warm water. She dressed in a simple baby blue dress that hugged her body. Randall would never approve, but he wouldn't have to see. Darkness was falling over the countryside. No one would notice if she left her room for a minute. She crept out of her room and climbed down her large tree. She was so used to sneaking out that she landed on the warm June grass in no time. She skipped down over to the stables, lifting her dress above her ankles so it wouldn't get dirty. She knocked on the stable door, and Elijah opened up the wooden door.

"What are you doing here, Blue Eyes?" Elijah said, using his nickname for her.

"I-I can't come over tonight," she whispered, moving into the stable and sitting on a pile of hay. "Jenna tricked me into going to this stupid party. Father is forcing me into going with her. I'm really sorry. I wish I could just skip it but it-"

"What are you apologizing for, Edwards?" Elijah said with a laugh that made Clare's legs turn into jelly. "I don't mind spending one night alone. Julia will probably join me for a quick chess game."

Clare's jaw tightened. She couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy at the thought of Julia being all alone with Elijah. "Be good, Goldsworthy."

Eli rolled his eyes. "Yes, mother. I'm kidding. Be good ,Clare, and eat that fancy food you princesses eat."

Clare smiled lightly and gave Elijah a quick hug, taking in his scent of fresh clothing and violets. His warmth engulfed her and she felt like she was swimming in a sea of happiness. They held each other longer than usual and she left quick a sad smile. She made her way over to her house, running over the grass and climbing up the tree. She pushed open her balcony doors and ran to her bed. She slipped her dress over her pantyhose and corset. She buttoned it by herself and spun around a little. Her perfect curls were bouncing over her shoulders. She slipped on a pair of green boots that tied at her ankles.

"Are you ready?" Jenna screamed from outside her room.

Clare took one last look at herself in the mirror and put on her emerald earrings and necklace. She looked gorgeous, even if she tried telling herself otherwise. When she opened her bedroom door, Jenna's jaw dropped wide open.

"Beautiful, Clare-bear," Jenna said a little bitterly. "Anyways let's get going."

Jenna looked pretty too, but not as much as Clare. The beige dress fell in waves over her body and her neckline showed a little too much cleavage. She had her hair pulled on top of her head and a pearl necklace hung from her neck.

Both girls walked down the staircase to the foyer, their boot heels clicking on the ceramic tiles. Randall turned to look at his daughters and smiled. "Lovely as always, daughters. The carriage is waiting out front. Now don't be home late. And be careful."

He kissed each of their foreheads and they stepped into the warm air. She starry sky was staring at them and the dim lights illuminating their faces. The girls got into the carriage and sat on the red cushions. The bumpy ride over to the Coyne's palace was short. Soon they were walking over the family's lawn alone with the other guests. They saw Duke Simpson and his wife, as well as Princess Bianca and her friend, Owen.

"This will be a long night," Clare thought, waling into the brightly lit home of royalty.


	2. Your Forever is All I Need

**Thank you for all the reviews. I really would like to continue this story, even though I have no idea what went on in that time period. Ha ha. So please bear with me if the clothing is confusing or the food or the setting. I'll try doing some research but this is just a fictional land. Thanks again : ) **

The humid air hung over the dancing, young bodies. The glass doors leading to the Laughter filled everyone's ears and the soft music was long forgotten. Everyone seemed to be having the time of their lives. That is, everyone except Clare. The discomfort in her face was evident and she was tense. Jenna, on the other hand, was enjoying her time, sipping a colorless liquid.

"It's midnight, you know," Clare complained subtly, smiling at her friend, Anya, from across the grand room.

"Stop whining," Jenna slurred. "Enjoy this, Clare-bear. I hear Daddy is planning to talk to King Coyne and see if… if that Declan boy is up to marrying your little boring self. We'll see what happens."

Clare's heart plummeted into her empty stomach. She couldn't marry anyone. She didn't want to. She saw the way things were when her parents were still together. Randall and Helen were forced into marriage and she knew they hated each other. Having children was the only way to keep Randall's parents happy. So they had Jenna and Clare. They were unhappy since the beginning so it was no surprise when Helen left one day without a goodbye to her daughters.

Clare didn't believe in love. She had no reason to, when every love around her fell to pieces. She thought love was an illusion used to express lust. That was the way she grew up, knowing she'd never recognize or understand love.

With the news of possibly getting a husband, her night went downhill. She spent most of the night in a secluded corner sipping cranberry juice and having as little contact as possible with the other guests. She started feeling faint so she stepped into the dark, gloomy night. The front lawn sprawled over the land and made its way over to the misty forest. Fog hung over the dewy grass and made the full moon looks sinister.

"Hello there," a male voice said behind Clare.

She turned away from the view of the lawn and saw a young man staring at her. He wore burgundy dress shirt and black pants that fell into his black boots. His vest was black and the buttons were shiny. The overcoat he wore was black and his hair was spiked up.

"Mark Fitzgerald, at your service, fine princess," he said, stepping closer and lifting up her hand to kiss the back of it.

Her skin burned with something she didn't understand. "Clare Edwards."

"Ah, the famous daughter of King Edwards," he grinned, a cocky hint to his voice. "Lonely here aren't you, dear? Maybe you'd like to go some place with me. I think I can e good company."

Clare had heard about the Fitzgerald men being blunt but she never expected Mark to actually act this way. She was a bit frightened, more of the idea of what would happen if she did go with him than being alone with him. She wanted to prove to Jenna that she wasn't boring, but what would be the cost of a little adventure?

"Clare!" a screech came from inside the palace.

Mark and Clare both turned to see where the voice came from. Jenna stood in the doorway of the broad oak doors, holding a glass in her hand. "L-Let's g-go Clare-bear! Father w-will be mad…if…we're not home s-soon."

Jenna made her way over to her sister and yanked on her arm, dragging her over to the carriage pulled by two white horses. Mark looked dumbfounded as he stood a few meters away from Clare.

"I'll see you around?" she questioned, fixing her hold on Jenna's hand.

Mark nodded. "Yes, of course."

Clare wasn't too mad with Jenna. She was a little glad that Jenna interrupted her conversation because she wasn't sure what she would've done for an adrenaline rush. She slumped down on the velvet cushions and sighed loudly. Jenna didn't notice though; she was fast asleep, snoring lightly.

When the girls made their way home, one of the maid's, Sadie, came to pick up Jenna and take her up to her room.

"Is Father awake, Sadie?" Clare asked, fidgeting with a loose thread on her dress.

"He went to his chamber hours ago, Princess," Sadie said with a faint smiled, nearly dragging Jenna up to her room through the large doors.

"Thank you," Clare said, stopping in front of the doors and looking over to the stable. She knew that Eli would sometimes spend some time inside the stables even after nightfall. He said the horses were comforting in his opinion.

Clare walked over to the stables slowly, fixing her curls and rearranging her dress as to hide the creases in the skirt. Her boots made no sound on the grass as she sped up. The lake was glistening in the moonlight. Clare knocked on the stables' wooden door and waited for an answer. A few quick footsteps and someone opened the door.

Julia.

"Princess!" Julia gasped.

Clare noticed that Julia had a simple bed sheet wrapped around her torso. She didn't know what to think and when the pieces clicked together she couldn't believe it. Julia had never shown much interest in Eli. She was a quiet, mousy girl with simple comments. But maybe Eli did notice something in her. That's why she was here, wrapped in a dirty bed sheet with her hair tangled and her lips bruised.

"What's wrong, Jules?" a voice came in from the other side of the door. It opened wider to show a different Eli than the one Clare knew. He had his hair tousled and wore sleeping pants made of cotton and shirtless. A goofy grin was spread over his lips and his eyes were bright even though it was late at night.

When his eyes met Clare's, when green clashed with blue, all hell was set loose inside Clare. She was furious at herself for an unknown reason, as if she expected Eli to only be her friend. Only hers. Forever.

It dawned on her why Julia always hurried to give Eli his lunch or a fresh glass of lemonade in the hot summer days. Clare realized that Julia visited Eli far too often and talked to him in a secretive way. Maybe this had been going on much longer than Clare had expected.

"Uh…h-hello, Princess Clare," Eli said silently, pushing Julia behind him. He was staring at Clare with a solemn expression, hoping and pleading silently to her to leave.

"I guess this is a bad time." Clare pushed away from the doorway and almost ran back to the castle. She was choking on her breath as she shoved the door open and ran up the ceramic tiles, her heels clicking on them obnoxiously. She burst into her chamber, flinging herself at her huge canopy bed. Tears poured down her face, streaking her cheeks with salty water. She didn't know why she was angry.

Clare didn't have feelings for Eli. She kept telling herself she was only friends with Eli. Only friends. She was Princess Clare, next in line to the thrown. He was a peasant boy living in the dungeons along with the other workers. Even their friendship was in secret, so nothing else could blooms from it.

But she couldn't help herself. She knew that deep down, she wanted him too bad. He was like her addiction; every time she spoke to him she wanted more. He was the reason Clare couldn't sleep at night, the reason why she lost her appetite and her train of thoughts dissolved into his face…his eyes…his everything.

She couldn't stop herself from feeling this. She hated it; she wanted to kill him for leading her on. He always talked to her so playfully, smirking when she stuttered. She hated falling for him. It was hard to explain how she felt.

There was a knock at the door and she didn't have a chance to open the door before someone walked in. Soft footsteps thudded on the polished wooden floor and her bed squeaked as someone sat opposite of her.

"Princess…is everything alright?" It was Sadie.

When Clare looked up, the maid looked at her with a distressed expression. She was usually keeping to herself and that's what Clare liked. She wanted to pour her heart out to Sadie.

And that's what she did. Words flowed from Clare's mouth and into Sadie's ears. She paid close attention, making small comments here and there. When Clare was done, Sadie sighed.

"Miss, I've never liked Julia to be honest," Sadie said with a tiny laugh. "She would always be too friendly with my husband Dave. Not anymore though. But she always wants what someone else is interested in. she can't stand being second in anything."

Clare wiped the tears away from her eyes and dried them on her bedspread. She didn't want to think that her friend, Julia, was a traitor. Well, technically she wasn't a traitor since she didn't know that Clare had feelings for Eli. But still, it felt that way.

"Go to sleep, Princess," Sadie said gently, stifling a yawn. "Tomorrow's a new day, full of new surprises."

And that it was. Clare woke up bright and early to see the sunlight pouring in through her windows. She looked around confusedly, until she spotted a fresh blue dress at the foot of her bed. She got dressed in a hurry, tying her curls with a ribbon. She had to go down for breakfast before anyone suspected that anything was wrong. As she walked down the staircase, she spotted Julia coming over to her from a different corridor. She sped away and nearly crashed into Sadie.

"Princess!" she gasped. "I was about to go look for you. Breakfast is ready."

Clare smiled weakly and sped off into the dining room. She sat next to her father and across from Jenna.

"How did you sleep, Clare?" Randall asked with a smile.

"Amazing," Clare said blankly, sipping some orange juice and biting into her eggs. She felt sick with fury at lying to her father but didn't feel like explaining.

"We're riding horses today with the Coyne's," Randall announced, smiling wider. "Declan was looking for you all night, Clare, but he didn't find you."

Clare wanted to run right back into her room, but stopped herself. Julia appeared at the entrance of the dining room, looking at Clare with a sad expression.

_I don't need your pity_, Clare thought. "Perfect. I really do want to get to know Declan."

She spoke loud enough so that Julia heard. Maybe she'd tell Eli. That would make Clare feel a little better. But then she realized what mess she's gotten to. She's arranged her own funeral by agreeing to meet Declan. She knew her father well enough to know that he'd trick Declan or king Coyne into marrying Clare. He wanted to make business and have two royal families turned into one. He wanted money, wealth and honor.

"I-I think I have to head up to my room for some rest," Clare muttered, pushing away from the table and heading up the stairs. She knew she'd have to explain her behavior later on, but now she wasn't in the mood to be in the same place as Julia.

"Clare! Hold up!"

It was Eli's voice that crept into her ears, making her stomach churn with anticipation.


	3. Words Can't Express Your Beauty

**Thank you for the reviews. It makes my day. :3**

**Enjoy Chapter 3!**

Clare gasped and walked faster. She didn't want to confront Eli, especially so soon in the morning. Her steps quickened to a jog and she raced out into the back lawn. The chilly morning air hit her in the face, blowing her loose bangs around. She sighed deeply, praying silently that Eli wasn't following her.

"Clare, please!" Eli pleaded from behind her.

She knew she had to face him sooner or later. Later sounded a lot better but maybe, just maybe, sooner was for the best.

"What do you want, _Elijah_?" she spat out venomously.

His green eyes were glassy with unshed tears and his lips were in a pale line. He had bags under his eyes and the playful expression from the previous night was gone. He was a walking corpse, remorseful over his actions.

"Please, listen to me," he begged, walking closer to her. She stepped back, a disgusted look tainting her features.

"Clare, I need to explain everything," he whispered.

"I don't need any explanations. It's your life. I have my own life, so just get away from me." She turned to face the glittering blue lake with swans gliding over it. It was a peaceful scenery for such a shaky moment.

"I'm sorry I never told you about Julia and I…" he trailed off suggestively. "I wanted t-to tell you, I really did. But Jules kept saying you might not agree with _this._

"It started a few months ago, actually on Julia's birthday in January. She came to me a little depressed because there was this man she'd fallen in love with. He hurt her…he told her he loved her but he was a wealthy man. I know his name, Mark. Mark Fitzgerald."

Clare's jaw dropped at this. Mark was the Prince who was talking to her the night before. He seemed charming and decent, although a bit too straightforward.

Eli continued with his story. "He promised her marriage, jewels, love. But he backed out of his promise. I went over to his castle and…well we fought. He swore he wouldn't have my head next time I bothered him. He also promised to send the government on Jules, and accuse her of adultery. I told him that I-I'd never show up near him or his family, as long as he didn't hurt Jules. I hate him! And I care for Jules. So our little, uh, relationship started.

"I think I'm in love with her. She's amazing, Clare, she really is. I wanted to tell you since before because you are my best friend. But I thought you might not approve. I thought that maybe you…"

He didn't finish, instead glaring down at the ground. The breeze blew his white shirt around his toned body and his raven hair in waves around his head. Clare was shivering slightly as the chilly air blew around her arms. She couldn't believe how Julia and Mark were connected, far less that the servant girl had been with a Prince. It was prohibited by law in the Fitzgerald kingdom for a peasant to be with royalty. That rule didn't apply for Clare or her castle. Everyone was free to be with who they wanted. That's why she sometimes had hope that Eli would feel something for her; he could be her husband one day and they could live an actual happy life together. But of course, dreaming led to nothing, especially when you don't act on you dreams.

"Clare…I love you. You're my best friend, the only person who ever understand me. I don't want to lose what we have. Please forgive me for not telling you sooner."

When Eli said he loved her, her heart warmed up with affection and emotion. She loved him too, from the day they met years ago. But she knew he didn't love her in the way he loved Julia. She knew that her feelings were just fantasies, an unrequited love that would never blossom. It'd never become a reality and fulfill her desire for this thing they called 'love.'

"Do you forgive me for being untruthful, Clare?" Eli asked gently, placing a hand on her arm.

Shivers ran down her back and she wanted to tell him that he was more than her best friend, but she stopped herself. "I-I forgive you, Eli. Honestly, there's nothing to forgive. Everyone has their own secret and Julia happened to be yours."

He lunged at her and pulled her into a bone-breaking hug. It didn't bother her though; this closeness was what she always wanted. She inhaled his scent of fresh linens and lilies. His lips were at her ear and his cool breath made her shake.

"I love you, Clare Diane Edwards. Nothing and no one in this world will change what I feel for you. I swear, you'll always be the most important person for me. Forever."

She didn't know the truth behind his words.

OoOoOoOoO

By midday, the Edwards' family was by the horse stables waiting for the Coyne's. Jenna was dressed in her brown pants and black boots, with a blue blouse and a horse riding cap. Clare was in the same attire, except her pants were black and her blouse was green. Both girls loved horses since they were little and riding was a passion.

Clare was next to Romeo, stroking his mane and feeding his carrots. Eli, who was like the stable manager, was helping Jenna unto her own horse, Golden. She was always bragging that her horse was top breed and the best. Romeo was the best, in Clare's opinion as well as Eli's.

"Your turn, Princess," Eli smirked, stepping over to Clare to help her on the horse.

He placed both hands on her waist and looked around hoping no one would see them. Jenna was off into the trail and Randall was talking to a gardener, Connor.

"Well, well, well. It's just you and me, Clare-bear."

She liked this side of Eli, when he'd tease her and she'd laugh about it late on. "Help me on the horse, will ya?"

Eli helped her left a leg and over Romeo's side and onto the saddle. His hand trailed down her waist and onto her thigh were he traced little patterns. Clare was rather comfortable, not because of the hard saddle but because Eli was being so caring and tender.

"Can you come over tonight?" he asked, a hint of hope shining in his emerald eyes.

Clare wanted to, she really did. But what if Julia was there? She didn't want to face the girl who had what she wanted. "I…I'm not sure. Maybe, if it's possible."

Eli nodded carefully. "Okay. I understand."

He led Romeo out and Clare bounced lightly when the horse passed over the cobble stone steps leading to the stable.

"Clare!" a voice said from the trail. It was Declan Coyne with a huge smile spread over his perfect lips. Next to him was the man Eli hated and Clare barely knew enough of. Mark Fitzgerald. He was sneering at Eli and throwing him hateful glares. Clare turned to face Eli and gasped. His face was contorted into a look of pure hate and the desire to kill. She had never seen this side of him and hoped it'd go away soon. She couldn't stand the thought of him actually doing something to _hurt _anyone.

Declan rode closer until he was right next to Clare and Eli.

"Princess, it's a pleasure to meet you," Declan said with a cocky smile. "Prince Declan Coyne, at your service."

Clare smiled briefly but turned her attention back to Eli. He was glaring at Declan now, but Clare didn't understand why. Was he…jealous? She'd heard of that feeling before, but she wasn't sure she'd experienced it. Was that hateful emotion she felt when she saw Julia jealousy? Maybe it was. _Why is he acting like this? _Clare thought solemnly.

"This is my friend, Mark. We call him Fitz, though." Declan smiled again.

Clare wanted to run far away with Eli and talk about Shakespeare's writing and Dickinson's poetry. She wanted to run with the wind and disappear into a nothing. She didn't want to cause any trouble between Fitz and Eli. All she wanted was for things to go back to how they were before she ever attended that horrendous party.

"Well are we going to ride or not?" Fitz said with a nasty smirk.

Declan, Fitz, Jenna, Clare, and Randall rode their horses for what seemed like hours. Clare's body was aching for a warm bath and a cup of hot chocolate. On most Sundays she relaxed all day and snuck out by night. She had a tutor on Monday, Professor Oh and she needed all the free time she could get.

The one thing that came from riding her dear horse was the peacefulness that came with it. Romeo was a gentle horse and she loved the way he always made her feel better. The chilly air turned warm at around midday, making Clare's forehead shine with sweat. She was tired but loved the scenery. The trail led to a darkened forest with jade leaves that shone with the sunlight. The color reminded her of Eli's eyes. Those eyes that looked into her soul and didn't judge or hurt her. The same eyes that saw her change from an enchanting little girl to a breathtaking young woman. Eli had been by Clare's side through it all.

His father, William 'Bullfrog' Goldsworthy, had been close friends with Randall even though they were from opposite social classes. Bullfrog was a hardworking blacksmith hired by Randall. He and his wife, CeCe, were close friends with Randall and Helen. They had Eli at a young age but were very loving. Bullfrog still worked for Randall in a blacksmith shack near the castle. The shack had been converted into a two story house that was quite amazing. CeCe was a cook for the King; she enjoyed her job dearly and loved seeing how much Clare had grown up. All in all, the Goldsworthy's were a part of the family. Therefore, Eli had been by Clare's side since forever.

They used to play as children by the lake, skipping rocks or swimming a little. Then Eli got his job as a stable boy and being close was becoming harder. People wouldn't approve of a young lady like Clare spending so much time with a mess like Eli. Sure Randall trusted the boy but he wasn't okay with them being more than friends. He wanted his daughter to be wed to someone honorable. He and Bullfrog were still close but it was a bit hard denying that their children were just friends. As far as both men knew, Clare and Eli barely spoke nowadays.

Clare liked remembering the old days, when things were perfect as can be. When Helen was still around to compliment her hair or her azure eyes. She remembered when she was a child and things weren't so complicated. When she believed in fairytales.

"Clare!" Jenna exclaimed, snapping her fingers loudly in front of her sister's face. "We're going home."

Clare sighed. She liked these riding trips but they also brought back painful memories. Like when she fell off her old pony, Sunshine, and sprained her ankle. Eli had been there that day but he laughed when she complained about the pain. She'd never truly forgiven him for being so heartless.

The ride back to the castle was far quieter. Fitz, Declan and Randall were up ahead, making conversation about something rather boring. Jenna was close behind them, listening to the men's gossip and smiling devilishly. Clare brought up the end, distractedly looking at the cardinals and woodpeckers swooping over her head. When they finally made it to the castle, Clare jumped off her horse with no help. She started for the stables when a hand enclosed her arm.

"Oh Clare-bear, I have something you want to hear," Jenna giggled. "Guess!"

Clare shrugged. "Just tell me."

Jenna laughed even louder. "Mark was asking for your hand in marriage! Turns out that Declan wanted to see you to convince you to marry Mark. I'm shocked aren't you? This is just amazing. So many things to be planned and…"

Clare's eyes got watery. She couldn't be married. Especially not to Eli's worst enemy. She wasn't about to let someone trick her father into an unfair deal. She wanted to spend her life alone if she couldn't be with someone she loved. She didn't care about laws and life. She wanted happiness.

"let's go get our lunch," Jenna announced, slipping her arm in between Clare's and dragging her up to the castle. "We have to tell CeCe. She'll be so excited, I bet."

Clare knew better. She'd told CeCe countless times that she didn't want an arranged marriage.

The sisters walked into a backdoor that led to the kitchen. They walked in on CeCe chopping vegetables and putting them in a pot.

"Girls!" she smiled. "What a joy to see you! How've you been, ladies?"

"Clare's getting married!" Jenna nearly screamed.

Clare's heart was thudding too fast. She didn't know why anyone would ever like her. She was plain and boring. She wasn't exactly friendly either. She didn't dare ask Eli if he liked her, because that'd be far too embarrassing. She wanted to fade away.

"Oh dear," CeCe said gently. "What a surprise."

What a tragedy.

**Well here's chapter 3 in this story. The ending was inspired by some true events of someone liking a girl and she didn't feel the same way lol. Honestly, I'm liking were this is headed. I don't have an outline so no, I can't give a sneak peak. Still, I'd love any ideas. Review and Munro will love you 'cause you know…he's my husband and all XD**


	4. Memories, Oh Where'd You Go?

**Sorry for the long wait. Writer's block sucks big time =/ anyways, review por favor. On with the story. : D **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or Mayday Parade. Just saying.**

The small kitchen was silent. Even the pot of boiling water got quieter. Jenna was still smiling brightly and Clare looked like she was about to faint. The rosy tint in her cheeks was replaced by pale white. But who could blame her? It was obviously life-changing news. It's not everyday you hear that you'll be shipped off to marry a man who was heartless and rude.

"Jenna, why don't you go find Sadie for me?" CeCe urged, drying her hands with a white rag.

Jenna didn't complain and bustled out of the kitchen, skipping slightly.

"What happened, Clare-bear?" CeCe said, pulling Clare's arm and sitting her on a wooden chair.

"We went out to ride our h-horses. And Prince Fitzgerald was there. Prince Coyne wanted to talk to my father and make a deal so that I could get married, but not with him. With Fitz."

CeCe gasped. "I've heard of him. Elijah told me about…well never mind-"

"I know about him and Julia," Clare stated firmly. "Since when did you know?"

CeCe sighed deeply. "Dear, I know since last week, Elijah told me. And I wanted to tell you."

Clare didn't know what to think or say. This was far too confusing to deal with. Was she in love with her best friend? Was she going to marry the man who made a living hell out of Eli's life? All she wanted to do was rest. Or cry. It seemed like a better idea, just letting out the tears that were consuming her.

Clare didn't know what to feel honestly. Definitely not relief. She wanted to escape, to run away from this. She'd had enough trouble with Eli just a few hours before and she didn't want to e around when her father arrived. Because surely he'd agreed to marry her off to Fitz. King Edwards wanted power and he'd sell his soul to the Devil just to unite two royal families.

"Go up to bed," CeCe said gently. "Get some rest."

Clare nodded weakly. CeCe was like a mother to her. She never judged Clare nor pushed her to do something she wasn't okay with doing. She also gave her advice when it was quite necessary. At time like these, Clare wanted nothing more than a mother to share secrets with. But her own mother was somewhere else, living the life she truly wanted. Clare didn't want to end up like her mother. She didn't want to live a miserable life with a man she shared no feelings for.

The depressed girl made her way to her bedroom chamber and slumped down on a chair by her desk. She saw a piece of paper and her feather quill. She dipped the quill into a tiny bottle of ink and just began to write.

_I'm not sure what to write. I just need to vent. It's been really horrible these past two days. The party at the Coyne's brought me into this hell I didn't even know existed. My best friend is becoming more than that in my heart. I miss him far more than I should. Is this right? I don't believe it is. But he's with Julia. He doesn't love me. _

_And I don't love him. Because I've learned over all my life than it won't ever happen. Love is something that people can 'feel' but can't see, so it must not exist. Memories, oh they cut like knives. When Eli and I were younger it was perfect. It was my own heaven. Then we grew up and fate took us through separate paths. I'll probably spend the rest of my life in a marriage with Fitz, the man who pushed Julia into Eli's arms. And Eli will be with Julia for a long time. I caught them together in the stables. It can only mean one thing; they're serious about each other. Well I have a heart too. It can't help but feel an attraction towards Elijah. Maybe it's lust. God forbid it's lust. I'm a decent young lady and I can't have such feelings at such a young age. If Mother was still here, she'd know what to say. She never cared about social statuses or royalty. Where is my old life?_

Clare dropped the quill onto the side and looked at her neat penmanship. That's what she wanted to do. Write down what she was feeling. She wanted to tell something or someone what was going on. Apparently, the only thing she trusted was a piece of paper.

OoOoO

It had been a few hours later that Clare was awoken by a hand shaking her arm. Sadie was leaning over her smiling.

"Dinner is ready, Princess," the young woman said softly.

Clare nodded and rubbed her eyes. Her curls were standing up in all directions and Sadie brushed them neatly.

"Prince Coyne stayed for dinner," Sadie said absentmindedly.

The acid in Clare's stomach was eating at her insides, burning and stinging. Her head ached with a dulling pain. She wasn't ready to be _sold _over to a terrible man. All she wanted to do was sleep. But she couldn't fake an illness, knowing that her father would realize she was just being rude.

Clare walked out of the room with Sadie trailing behind her. She took her time walking to the main dining hall. The wide oak table was filled with astonishing food. There was platters of roast beef, turkey, ham, and freshly baked bread. There was a bowl of hot broth over each place at the table. Little cakes were placed randomly around the table. A bowl of pudding sat near the center. There was a platter on the side with salad. Everything looked mouthwatering.

Clare took a seat next to Jenna, knowing Declan would sit next to her father.

"Good afternoon, Clare," Randall said. He gave his eldest daughter a brief smile before looking down at his broth and taking a bite of wheat bread.

"Good afternoon, Father," Clare said emotionlessly.

"Declan and Mark are staying over for dinner tonight," Randall said too brightly. "I was thinking that maybe Bullfrog, CeCe and Elijah might share with us their lovely company as well."

Clare nearly choked on her water. Eli only spent dinner with the royal family on Christmas, where social indifferences were forgotten. She couldn't think of enough problems that could arise from Eli spending dinner with Mark a few feet away. She wanted to push away the thoughts of Eli starting a fight.

"Clare?" Jenna asked low key when Randall was talking to CeCe.

"What is it?" Clare asked wearily.

"What's going on with you?" Jenna murmured with a tight smile. "Ever since that party, you've been nothing but a wreck, always on the edge and zoning out a lot. You're getting me worried… Are you sick?"

"No, Jenna, I'm fine. I've just been tired." Clare wanted to smile but she knew it would come out as a grimace.

"Amazing palace you've got here!" a booming voice came in from the main entrance.

Two faces poked into the dining room, that of Mark and Declan. Both were still wearing their horse riding clothes and laughing, their faces red and amused. Fitz threw Clare a nasty smirk that reminded her of Eli's traditional smirk. She wanted him to be somewhere else. She wanted to be gone.

"Here they are!" Randall's booming voice echoed throughout the dining room. "Welcome! Declan, Mark take a seat, please! Lovely daughters say hello to our wonderful guests."

_An arranged marriage will be my hell, the end of my life, _Clare thought to herself and she pushed her chair away from the table. Both girls got up and walked over to the princes sides. Declan kissed Clare's hand first, then Mark. When the latter grasped her hand in his, Clare could feel his poisonous breath on her silky skin. His cold, chapped lips met her skin and she could sense danger. She pulled away as fast as she could, wiping her hand on the side of her dress.

"My precious daughters are glad to meet you," Randall lied through his perfect teeth, placing a hand on Jenna's shoulder.

"How fantastic," Declan said, throwing a million-dollar smile towards Clare. "I've been dying to meet the most popular women in our land. Of course, they did an injustice to their beauty."

Clare couldn't help the rosy blush that colored her face. She hadn't been called beautiful by anyone, far less by a man like Declan. Jenna was always the pretty one who got most of the attention while Clare was a little modest wallflower. A simple comment, even though she suspected it was dishonest, made her swell with unknown happiness.

"Quite amazing she is," Mark said with a glint in his eyes, looking at Clare's body. He turned to look at Randall. "Please call me Fitz, everyone does. Mark seems too formal, and that's my father's name."

"However you please, Fitz," Randall said nodding over to the table. "We'll also be having over some family friends, the Goldsworthy."

A hint of recognition appeared across Fitz's face but he plastered on an innocent smile. "That's great. It's always a joy to meet new people."

Clare looked at the grandfather clock that sat behind her father's chair. It was about to be seven o'clock. The sun was slowly sinking into the horizon, an inky blue replacing the orange rays in the sky.

Dinner was a bit quiet. Declan and Fitz sat side by side, facing Jenna and Clare. Clare picked at her food carefully, tearing little pieces of bread and stuffing them into her mouth. It had gotten a bit awkward until Bullfrog Goldsworthy burst in through the doors with a smile on his face.

"Randall!" the man's voice said, with a hint of laughter. "Haven't spent time with you in ages! How've you been, brother?"

Randall chuckled. "Fantastic, bullfrog. I've been far too good. How about you, old man?"

Bullfrog fake-punched Randall's arm. That was what Clare enjoyed about the man who was like an uncle to her. He didn't care that his best friend was a king; when the two men were together nothing else mattered. CeCe was peeking from behind Bullfrog's shoulder, smiling uneasily at the princes presence. Declan was laughing slightly, but it wasn't in an offensive way. Fitz, on the other hand, seemed to be getting a real kick from seeing Bullfrog in his normal clothing and raggedy coat. Clare thought it was rude of him to do that when Bullfrog was just as important as a guest as everyone else. CeCe wore a light yellow dress with ruffles on the bottom. It seemed to have cost a fortune even for Clare who was wealthy. She looked pretty, her blonde hair curled to perfection and lace gloves on her petite hands. Eli was nowhere in sight, though, and that's what worried Clare.

"Good afternoon, dear," CeCe aid, giving a peck on Clare's cheek, smiling. In a quieter voice, she said, "Eli will be here at any moment. He wanted to get all dressed up fro this little dinner."

Clare nodded. "Thank you."

Everyone took a seat, CeCe next to Clare and Bullfrog next to Declan. The prince and the blacksmith seemed to be in a deep conversation about the best way to hunt down deer. Fitz was sneering at his food and being ignored. Clare couldn't even eat right without feeling her stomach tighten into a knot and stop her from digesting the delicious meals.

Finally a face poked into the dining room. It was Eli. But then again it _wasn't _him. This man, he was different. He wore a soft-looking dress shirt and dress pants. His black cape and vest were immaculate and spotless. His long, raven hair was pulled back with a red ribbon at the back of his neck. He looked dashing and unlike the simple stable boy that worked for the Edwards'. Jenna seemed to notice this, since she was eyeing him carefully.

"Good afternoon." Eli spoke clearly and confidently in front of his enemy, his green eyes shining with courage. "Pleased to meet you, Prince Declan."

The two shook hands and Eli took a seat at the other end of the table, facing Randall. It was odd seeing this, as Eli was never present during family dinners or sitting opposite from the king himself.

"it's a pleasure to accompany you all in this lovely dinner," Eli said with a smirk, taking a sip of wine and looking at Clare. "My, oh my, Princess, you look quite ravishing tonight."

Randall didn't hear the small comment but it made Clare's face turn the color of a tomato. She hadn't been given such a straightforward compliment by Eli, even when they spent hours talking. Now it came as nothing short of a shock, his words being heard by nearly the entire table. Fitz was throwing deathly daggers at Eli with his eyes and grinding his teeth together. His hand was closed tightly on the silver goblet that would get a dent soon enough.

Conversation stroke again and everyone seemed to be enjoying their dinner, even the two enemies that sat less than a few feet away. Eli spoke mainly to Declan, who didn't care that he was having a normal conversation with a common worker. Clare would talk to CeCe and the two would laugh silently about Eli's fancy attitude.

Sadie came out with a large, chocolate cake with strawberries on the sides. Everyone took a piece, savoring the sweetness that would flood their mouths.

Time flew by and before they knew it, dinner was over. It happened rather wuick and far less painful than Clare imagined. The darkness had fallen over the land, casting shadows over the forest and giving the moonlight an eerie glow. Declan and Fitz stood up from the table.

Clare couldn't be any more relieved that she wasn't going to get married to Fitz. The topic hadn't been discussed over dinner, not even once. Hopefully the idea had disappeared from Randall's mind.

Her hopes crashed and burned when Fitz shook her father's hand.

"Oh, Randall, what about that, uh, conversation we had before?" Fitz said with a smirk. "Didn't you say I'd make a great husband for one of your daughters?"

This caught everyone off-guard. Bullfrog stopped laughing with Declan and Eli stopped talking to Jenna. Clare's face fell and CeCe grasped her hand. This couldn't be happening so soon. Fitz had barely directed a word at Clare throughout his time there. She turned to look at Eli, who's face was contorted into an agonized expression.

"Oh yes, Fitz," Randall said with a wink. He walked over to Clare and put an arm around her shoulders. "I would like you to marry my eldest daughter, Clare Diane Edwards."

If the room could've been any more quiet, then it did. Even the birds stopped chirping outside and the bustling servants seemed to have stopped in to listen to the arrangement that was boiling over.

Fitz looked proudly at Eli and took Clare's hand. "It'd be a pleasure to marry this lovely lady."

Clare looked at Eli, her heart thudding increasingly slow. She turned to Eli who gave a small shrug. Did anyone really care about her?

**Well this didn't turn out as good as I thought. I've got major writer's block. This sort of poured out while I was listening to music. So sorry for the long wait. Adios!**

**p.s Eli's outfit in the story is the the halloween special one that was on teen nick. just saying**


	5. You're Just, Just Wasting My Time

**As much as I want to torture you all, I can't stop getting ideas for this story. Sadly, there hasn't been as many reviews as I thought there would be. Just a quick review, readers. =D **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi =(**

The castle was silent, an eerie glow in the corridors that came from lit candles and lanterns. There was a certain coldness that wasn't usual in June. In her chamber, there was a girl who was sobbing desperately in the dark, hoping and praying someone would hear her and care. She hugged her knees tightly against her chest; she looked much younger than sixteen years old.

But no one could save her. They couldn't blame her either. She was doomed and even that was an understatement. Forced into a loveless marriage with a malicious man was nothing to be taken easily.

Crying herself to sleep would be of no help, but at least she didn't have to hide her emotions or plaster a smile on her lips, one that threatened to reveal her true feelings. But what hurt the most wasn't the fact that she'd be shipped off to Fitz in a few weeks; it was that her best friend, her unrequited love, didn't care.

That's what it seemed like when the Goldsworthy's left the castle, all of them with a smile on their lips. Eli had acted like nothing was wrong, and even placed a kiss upon Clare's cheek. Not even that affectionate gesture made things better though. She was officially Mark Fitzgerald's fiancée. Eli didn't even wince when Fitz told Randall he's love to marry Clare. That's what angered her. Wasn't Eli supposed to be angry?

A knock on Clare's balcony door shook her from her train of thought. She saw a silhouette outside and her lace curtains gave the look of a man being there. She walked carefully across the wooden floor and peeked from behind the curtains.

Standing in front of the door was Eli wearing a forlorn expression on his previously calm face. He was slouching and his eyes kept darting to the stables as if someone was waiting for him there.

Clare wiped the tears away from her eyes with her night gown. She pushed aside the curtains without looking at Eli and unlocked the door. Eli took the hint and pushed it open. A gust of warm air followed him inside.

"How are you, Blue Eyes?" he asked, concern written all over his face.

Looking into his emerald eyes gave Clare hope that she'd be alright and things would work out in the end. He was her rock and as long as he stood by her side, nothing could hurt her. Those green orbs were glassy, tears threatening to escape.

"I'm fine," she said in a voice that sounded nothing like her own.

"No you're not," Eli said, walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge. "Come sit with me."

Clare ad no other option but to take a seat on the soft bed, keeping a small distance from Eli. The moonlight poured in through the window, casting a dim light over the pair. Clare was a mess; her curls were tangled around her face and she hadn't bothered to remove the make up she was wearing before weeping. Eli wore his pajama pants a black shirt that hung loosely on his lanky frame.

"Tell me what's wrong," he whispered, turning sideways to look at her better.

She hid her face from him, looking instead down at her petite hands. "Nothing's wrong."

"Is it about Fitz?" Eli said softly, taking her hand in his.

There warmth united to create a fire that burned deep inside their souls. They connected through a simple touch. She nearly gasped at the way the hurricane of emotions in her ceased at his closeness. He couldn't stop the blush that crept onto his face. She wanted nothing more than to have this moment last forever.

Clare was at a loss for words. She didn't want to talk about Fitz. She also didn't want to explain to Eli that her love for him was hurting her in ways she hadn't ever experienced, not when her mother left and not when she came in second next to Jenna.

"I'm sorry for not speaking up for you," Eli said.

"You shouldn't be; it's not your fault," she said cautiously, not trusting her voice.

They sat there in silence. But it wasn't the kind of silence that made you walk away or say something to make pointless conversation. It was the kind of silence that said everything by saying nothing. She knew that Eli cared for her deeply even if he didn't love her in the way she did.

Clare didn't want to admit to herself that she was in love. She wasn't supposed to feel like this, but she couldn't stop herself from it. Eli was the only person who understood her and stood by her side through everything. He was the only person she'd ever trust with her life.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"Us," she blurted out.

She peeked at him from under her bangs and saw him looking at her curiously.

"Us?" he repeated.

She nodded. "Yes. You and I."

He didn't answer for a while. That's when the silence got awkward and Clare felt like blurting out that she felt sick and I'd be best for him to go, but instead she kept quiet. He finally spoke, a like nervously. "Blue Eyes, I-I think I should t-tell you something."

Her heart picked up its rate and speeded up. She was sure that Eli could hear the loud thudding.

He looked into her eyes, azure colliding with emerald. He leaned in closer and closer, until their noses almost touched. Their breath mingled and he could hear her taking ragged breaths of air, her chest rising up unevenly.

Their lips met. Not a single protest was uttered from either of them. The passion that had been hiding all those years finally rose to the surface and shined in the light. Eli moved his lips against Clare's soft, plump ones. She tasted like fresh strawberries and he like mint.

She was shaking as she reached up and pulled him closer by the neck. Her fingers got tangled in between his raven hair and she tugged softly. He traced a line on her lower lip and when she gasped, he pushed his tongue past her lips. When their tongues met, a new form of intimacy erupted. They got closer, until their chests were touching. He groaned when Clare pulled his hair.

He pulled away panting and pressed his forehead against hers. Being her first kiss, Clare didn't know what else to expect. She gasped for air, breathing hard against his lips from the lack of oxygen.

"Whoa," he whispered.

He glanced down at her parted, bruised lips. She looks so desirable, so tempting. So innocent. He wanted to corrupt her and to make her beg for more. As hard as he tried, he couldn't erase the images of them together. He wanted her now more than ever.

"What does this mean for us?" Clare said, pulling away but keeping a close distance from Eli. "What are we now?"

He paused. "I love you, Clare, more than I've ever loved anyone in this world."

His words made her feel like she was floating in the sky with the clouds. "I love you, too. I've loved you since we were little kids. I think I'll always love you."

He smirked. "What was it that made you love me? My good looks? My charming personality?"

"That and your modesty," Clare grinned. "Oh and I can't forget your cockiness or sarcasm. Gosh, those are two of my favorite qualities of you."

"So there's more?" Eli said, his eyes lightening up. "Hmm…is there any other secret admirations you'd like to share?"

Clare shook her head. "No sir. You'll just have to beg for them."

Her sudden confidence surprised him in a good way. "Well, Blue Eyes, I'll just have to take you up on that offer."

He offered her a smirk and she kissed his cheek. She couldn't believe her luck in being so close to Eli and having him love her. But there was one thing that kept nagging at her.

"What about Julia?" Clare asked suddenly.

Eli's eyes darkened and he glared down at the floor. "It's getting late. I think I should leave now."

Clare grasped his arm tightly. She repeated, "What about Julia?"

"Can we please talk about this in the morning?" he demanded. "I'm tired and you look like you can use some rest. Tomorrow's a fresh new day and we can talk with more time during your lunch break or before the tutor arrives."

Clare had tutoring with Professor Dawes three times a week. She sneaked off during lunch to see Eli in the stables.

Eli stood up swiftly. "Goodnight, Blue Eyes. I'll see you tomorrow."

Clare didn't argue; she knew it'd be useless. "Goodnight and sweet dreams."

As soon as Eli left her bedroom chamber, Clare felt uneasy. Was she supposed to feel this way after her first kiss? No, probably not. But she couldn't help but have this gut feeling that told her something was off. Maybe not with her newfound relationship with Eli, but with Eli himself.

Clare crawled inside the silky covers and fell onto the mattress, her head landing with a soft thud on the pillow. Maybe after some rest things would make sense.

OoOoOoO

What an understatement that was. It could've been the lack of sleep that made Clare feel the same, if not worse, in the morning. When Sadie came into her chamber and opened the curtains, the bright June sunlight hurt her eyes. She didn't want to leave her nest of blankets and warmth for a stiff dress and her daily reading of Romeo and Juliet that came along with questions. She liked reading for fun.

Fun. That word sounded off in the mind of a bride-to-be. As much as she tried, Clare couldn't push away the thought of getting married to Fitz. Was there anything worse than this?

Sadie seemed to notice that something was wrong with Clare, but she didn't dare ask. Instead, she helped the Princess into a maroon dress with lace cuffs and a loose skirt without saying a simple word. As the young maid helped brushing Clare's hair she noticed that the younger girl was rather pale.

"Princess, are you feeling well?" Sadie asked with genuine concern. "You look pale and sick. I can call the doctor if you want."

Clare shook her head. She didn't want the town doctor, Mister Jeremiah, worrying about her health and informing the King. "I'm fine, Sadie, it's just I haven't slept too well."

Sadie mouthed an "Oh" and helped Clare tie her brown boots.

The two left the chamber and left down the marble staircase and into the foyer. They turned a few corners and arrived at the kitchen. CeCe was preparing some eggs and bacon by the stove.

"Good morning, love," CeCe exclaimed, smiling brightly at Clare. "How was your night?"

Clare wanted nothing more than to tell CeCe everything that happened with Eli. Then she remembered Eli was her son and CeCe would undoubtedly tell him. Clare faked a smile and made up a few excuses of not being able to fall asleep. CeCe offered to make Clare some tea for that night.

Clare spent her breakfast in the kitchen, chattering happily with CeCe and Sadie. Not once was the arranged marriage brought up and Clare wouldn't have had it in any other way.

At half past nine, Clare made her way to the castle's garden. Hidden behind some rose bushes was a metal table and two chairs, both with intricate designs of delicate roses. Clare took a seat facing the back lawn, extending all the way into the green forest. The blue lake was shimmering in the daylight. Clare could smell lilies and orchids near the rose bushes.

"Good morning, Princess Clare," a soft voice said from the little entrance next to the rose bush. It was Professor Dawes.

"Lovely day, isn't it?" Clare replied with an easy smile.

"Ah, Princess, you seem to be in great spirits today," Professor Dawes said with a wink. "What's made you smile like the mystery of life has been solved?"

Dawes always said the strangest things.

She also happened to know about Clare's friendship with Eli. She had a hint that Clare had feelings for him but had no idea what had happened since the ball. So Clare explained everything, in great detail.

"…and then when we kissed, it just felt so perfect. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him over and over again." Clare's face was redder than the roses in the bush next to her but Professor Dawes was smiling encouragingly. "He promised we'd talk today but I'm not so sure."

"That's love, Clare," Dawes said in a distant voice. "It can be like the softest touch or the roughest thorn. Yet it always works out in the end… When I was your age, I met a man. He was the sweetest ever. We would sneak around because even though we were both peasants, our parents wouldn't approve of our relationship. One day, he sneaked into my bedroom chamber to tell me he was going to war. I begged him to stay. He left the next morning. A few years later - I was married by then - I received a letter. His mother told me that the silly, sarcastic boy I fell in love with had died during a surprise attack in that war. I mourned after him. I cried myself to sleep every night. But nothing would bring him back. I know this doesn't relate to your situation since Eli isn't leaving to war, but just remember: love hurts no matter who causes the pain."

Clare's heart sunk. She didn't want to hear that. Ignorance is bliss. In some cases that is, but in others it's better to have a clear warning to what awaits us.

"Clare, I don't want you to give up on Elijah." The older woman gave the girl a crinkly smile. "I know you'd die for him, just like Juliet died for her Romeo. But he's not going anywhere. Don't be a foolish girl like Juliet. By that I mean, don't go around stabbing yourself in the heart with your lover's dagger."

Clare laughed. "I won't. I just wish Eli would be honest with me and tell me where we stand in this relationship."

Professor Dawes was silent for a moment. "You know what? This session is cut short. Go look for that boy and come back by lunch. I'll tell Randall that you went for a short walk if he asks. Now go!"

Clare gave a nod and ran as fast as her boots would allow. She wasn't planning on ending up broken hearted like her wise tutor and she needed to know what Eli had up his sleeve. She ran into the stables, only to find Julia sitting on a pile of hay.

"Oh!" Clare gasped.

Eli was standing in front of Julia, a frown on his otherwise beautiful features. He had his arms crossed over his bare chest and his forehead was dripping with sweat.

"Guess what, Princess?" Julia said with a venomous smirk. She approached Clare happily but her cold eyes didn't match her smile. "We're getting married."

Clare's jaw dropped.

What was going on? Eli told her he loved _her _and only her. Not Julia. Not any other girl. Only Clare. Yet he was getting married to this simple little girl who felt superior at owning what Clare wanted.

"Julia, go get me a glass of water, will you?" Eli said, shoving Julia out of the stables.

Julia nodded and grinned maliciously. Tension hung in the air between Clare and Eli. Their unspoken words held all the answers. Finally Eli broke down.

"We-we can't be together and you know th-that Clare," he stuttered. "I do love you with all my heart, but your engaged. You're a Princess and I'm a nobody. No one can approve of this, not even your father. We have to stop seeing each other."

"I'll escape with you!" Clare whimpered. "We can leave this place and be together and be h-happy."

Eli shook his head. "Kissing you was a mistake I'll always regret. Your first kiss was supposed to be special, not with me."

"It was special!" Clare shouted furiously. "Why do you say you love me? Why? You keep proving otherwise. I don't want your lies, Eli. Just be honest and tell me why you're marrying Julia when you love me."

"Because I don't love you," he said coldly. "I never have and I never will. You're plain and ugly and nothing. I want Julia, who may be poor but she had a heart that's less poisoned than your with lies and lust. Just go. This will never work out."

**I really like how this chapter came out. It has more emotion in my opinion. It has more of what I think should happen. I don't know if this is OOC or not. Please tell me in a review. I'd really love that ;333**


	6. First Comes Heavy Breathing

**Sorry for the long wait. I think I'll update weekly. It gives me time to write a good, long chapter, rather than a short, unemotional and boring one. I'd like to thank the wonderful dramarose for helping with part of this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi.**

The wind was howling outside every window in the Land of Degrassi. Rain crashed against the glass, while thunder rolled in waves in the dark gray sky. Lightning stroke the trees off in the distance, illuminating the faces of children looking out the windows. There was one girl, though, who wasn't looking out the window and into the storm. She wasn't even hearing it, even as the thunder roared like a ferocious lion. She sat against the headboard of the gigantic bed and stared at the vanity across from her. The reflection in her mirror made her grimace.

Her skin was pasty, all the color drained from her rosy cheeks. Her lips were chapped and ghostly white. Her bangs were matted to her forehead and her curls hung limply around her face. She looked sick, her frail hands resting at her sides. Clare hadn't eaten in the past day. She wasn't hungry but the food deprivation made her weak. Her eyes had purplish bags and her mouth was dry. She was a mess, but she didn't seem to care.

_What's the point of caring_, she thought, _when no one else cares about you?_

She'd never thought she would ever fall into a black hole like she had in the past few days. But honestly, she didn't mind. If she died, she'd be doing everyone a favor.

"Princess, dinner is ready," Sadie pleaded from the other side of the chamber door. "Please come down to eat."

"Go away, Sadie," Clare whispered hoarsely.

The rain outside was picking up. The wind was starting to sound like distant screams of terror. That didn't scare Clare, though. She didn't seem to mind that the sky outside was the color of midnight, not of early noon.

Clare stood up and pushed the covers off her legs. She walked to her bathroom and lit a few candles. Her skin was clammy and she thought she might have a fever. She didn't want to bother her father so she turned on the tap of the bath and let the col water rush out. She glared at her reflection and stripped off her night gown. The tiny hairs on her arms were raised as she stepped into the ice cold bath.

She gasped as her entire body came in contact with the cold water. She sank into the cool ceramic tub and let the water reach her neck.

Clare reached for a bottle of bubble bath and squeezed the pink liquid into the cold water. Little bubbles began to appear as she moved her arms. A memory made its way into Clare's mind. As a child she was always scared of drowning in the tub because she was far too far. The phobia left with her mother and she came to enjoy long baths with warm water and her rose-scented bubbles.

She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested a cold cheek against her left knee. The window outside showed the dark forest in the distance, with it's tall trees just blurry shapes under the heavy raindrops. Lightning flashed across her face but she didn't wince.

Clare's mind was numb. She'd forced it into a state of comma so she wouldn't think about _him_. Because whenever her thoughts drifted to that Monday morning, she turned into a walking corpse. Her eyes would turn red and puffy from all the tears that were shed. And every time she remembered his emerald eyes or his soft lips, she lost it.

The cold water turned warm and Clare stepped out of the tub. She reached into a cabinet for a towel. Something fell from under the wrapped the fluffy white towel around her slim body and bent down to pick up the fallen object.

It was a razor.

She remembered the day she'd caught Jenna holding it in her hand. Jenna had been obsessed with losing weight. She told Clare that she wanted to die. It was a secret between sisters and Clare had taken the razor from Jenna to prevent her from committing suicide.

Now this small piece of metal - so small, yet so dangerous - looked so tempting. Maybe it'd take the pain away. Was this how Jenna felt? Repulsive and weak? Unwilling to go on in a pointless life?

The thunder clapped outside, making Clare shiver. She hid the razor back in the cabinet, her hands shaking. What was she thinking? Suicide was for cowards, right? Right. She couldn't possibly…consider…or imagine hurting herself…

_But no one will care_, she thought. _If I die, I'll be one less burden. Jenna will have the path straight to the throne. I won't marry Fitz. Eli will be happy._

As hard as she tried, she couldn't deny that she had fallen head over heels for him. With a simple glance from him, her heart raced and her palms started sweating. The whole world went quiet when Eli spoke, everyone dropping in to listen to. Her heart ached.

"Clare!" a voice screeched, making Clare jump out of her skin.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Professor Dawes is here!" It was Jenna who was screaming from outside the bathroom door. "Hurry up Clare-bear!"

A long sigh escaped Clare's plump, pink lips. She wasn't in the mood to talk to Professor Dawes. Surely CeCe and Jenna would've already told her that Clare had locked herself in her room for the past two days. Hell, they'd probably told Eli as well.

Clare wanted to be alone. There was nothing more that she craved. Because in these moment of pain, no one understood. Sure, they could try. But no one knew what it was like to feel so alone, so empty, until they went through it.

She felt hollow. There was nothing worse that wanting something that wasn't out of reach, yet was untouchable. That was Eli. He'd always be there, but he couldn't really be _there_. They could possibly return to being friends and talk, but things wouldn't be the same. The dull ache in her heart was becoming less visible. She could be herself again, maybe. Odds were she'd be perfectly fine in no time. Even though scars can fade over time, the memory of the pain sticks around as a reminder.

Clare dressed in a simple black dress that had long sleeve and a neckline adorned with lace. Little black pearls hung on the skirt of the dress. She knew the Professor Dawes would complain if she was dressed messily. She brushed her almost dry curls and pushed back her bangs with her hand.

When Clare pushed her chamber door open, she came face to face with the person she'd been avoiding for the past two days.

Eli.

His emerald eyes were stony and cold, and Clare couldn't help but feel like icy tension between them. Anger, passion and sadness battled for dominance, but in the end the overwhelming sadness was the victor. She didn't want to fight anymore. All she wanted was to go to sleep and wake up to a different time, or hopefully a different life.

Clare didn't want to look into Clare's eyes. Her baby blue one were filled with fresh tears but he didn't want to show him she was weak. Showing someone your weaknesses gives them an advantage over you.

"What do you want?" she asked coolly.

_Don't let your guard down_, Clare, she thought, _that's when you're most vulnerable._

"I want us to talk," he whispered hoarsely.

"I have to go-my professor is waiting for me. I'll see you around," she said gently, tears pricking at her eyes. She spun around and broke into a sprint, but not before a strong hand caught hold on her arm.

"Listen to me," Eli protested. "The storm will die down soon. We'll go to the stables and talk. I'd like to explain my behavior if you'd care to listen."

"I don't want to hear it," she blurted out. "I don't want to hear complains or excuses or lies. You should've told me the truth before. It's a bit late for that now, don't you think? The damage's been done. The pain had already hurt. Now this is over. Move on with your life, with Julia at your side. I'd like to live my own life."

Clare was surprised at the confidence in her words. She didn't expect to actually confront Eli without having to say a single thing. Pride bubbled in her veins. She walked away from Eli, picking up the bottom of her dress as she headed down the staircase. She was careful to make sure she didn't trip or fall since this dress was a tad long for her.

"Good afternoon, Clare," Professor Dawes said with a smile on her thin lips. "How've you been?"

At that moment, thunder roared in the dull sky, making Clare shiver slightly. She looked at Professor Dawes expectantly but the older woman sat with her hands folded on the table. The silence was bearable, if not comfortable. Clare hummed silently to herself, trying to ignore the little voice in the back of her mind telling her to open up to Dawes. But the girl grew up trusting no one. _People don't care; they're just curious, _she always thought after not telling people her secrets. Some of the things not even Eli, her best friend, knew.

"Clare…Cecilia and Jenna have told me that you've been a bit, uh, sad these past few days," Dawes frowned briefly. "What happened with Elijah the day class was cut short?"

Clare cringed at the name. goose bumps ran down her spine and tears were stinging in her baby blue eyes. "Nothing happened, Professor."

"I know something did," Dawes said, softly holding Clare's hand. "What did that boy do?"

Clare hesitated. The more people knew about her, the more vulnerable she was to getting hurt. And getting hurt didn't sound like that most amazing plan in the world. But sometimes the secrets you keep inside start eating at you, nagging constantly for air, and there's no other option but to spill a bit of your heart.

"He thinks I'm ugly and plain, and full of lust and lies," Clare spat out emotionlessly. "I'm starting to think it might be true."

"That boy-"

"He's not a boy!" Clare interrupted loudly. "He's going - going to marry Julia. He's clearly a man, not a silly boy."

"Oh, Clare," the Professor sighed. She rubbed her eyes and grimaced. "I know that your father wants to marry you off to Fitzgerald's son. And I personally consider this to be unfair and unjust. But think about it from a different perspective: Sometimes good comes from bad. What if you end up loving Fitz? Have you ever considered that? Because I think it's something you should start thinking about. This marriage - I know you see it like the end of happiness. But maybe, just maybe, Fitz can be a husband. You told me that he hurt Julia, right? Well, you don't know what Julia did to him. She can tell Elijah lie after lie, and since he believes her, he won't consider anymore possibilities. I think that the main factor in this equation is Julia. She's gotten in the way of what you want, and led you straight into Fitzgerald's path."

Clare mind began reeling. She hadn't considered Julia being a dirty liar to Eli. But she didn't seem like the most loyal and trustworthy person. Dawes might be onto something.

"Professor, you have a point," Clare said finally. "Julia isn't on my list of favorite people. I distrust Fitz but it might be good to have a closer look on Julia. I'm not sure what else to expect."

"Have you thought about why Elijah might be marrying her?" Dawes prodded.

Clare tried thinking reasons why a man might want to marry a woman he didn't love. She could be sick and he might want to make her last days happy. Eli could be forced by his parents, but that didn't seem likely since both CeCe and Bullfrog loved Clare. And then, it hit her; Julia could be pregnant.

"She's pregnant," Clare announced bitterly. "It makes sense. They're…they're intimate and it was bound to happen. Eli isn't the kind of person to walk out on someone in need. And Julia probably tricked him into marrying her, because a child outside of a marriage is a disgrace. But this doesn't make sense. He didn't have to be so cold. He could've told me the truth… I just don't understand."

"You should talk to him," Dawes said with a trace of a smirk on her lips. ":I know that this seems so rushed but just don't forget how fast time can leave you."

Clare nodded. "He told me to meet him by the stables after the storm dies down. It looks like that'll be soon."

The rain had quieted down to a drizzle. The sky was still dark and ugly but far less dangerous than before. Clare smiled at Dawes.

"Thank you Professor," she said softly. "I'm not sure what I would've done without you. It's hard…not having Mother here anymore."

Dawes was silent. "Why don't you send her a letter? I'm sure the mailman can find her one way or another, since you are Princess."

"She left because she wanted to be happy," Clare said flatly. "She didn't want Jenna or I top be a burden on her back."

"You know she had her reasons. She was forced into a marriage with your father and she was unhappy."

"That didn't mean she had to leave us!" Clare cried out, pushing her chair away from the table. "We could've left with her. She didn't have to ditch us for a man. Don't mothers have that instinct in them that tells them their children are in trouble? She could've come to our aid. She could've been there for us."

It was true. Helen had left without a single word. One morning she just disappeared, telling CeCe she'd be back for dinner. Apparently Randall knew, because he didn't send anyone to look for her. Neither of the girls had head word of their mother since Clare was four and Jenna two. It hurt Clare the most, because she actually remembered spending time with her mother. Now those memories were fading after so many years and the absence was taki9ng a toll on them both.

"This class will be cute short, _again_," Dawes said, emphasizing the again. "Your assignment for tonight is to write a letter to your mother. I know it's irrelevant to _Romeo and Juliet_, but remember lack of communication is what killed them. Now go, young lady, and then go see your Elijah."

The way Dawes said Eli was hers made Clare squirm. She'd never owned anything in particular besides a wardrobe full of dresses. The young girl bid her goodbyes and left. She opened her chamber door to find Eli sitting casually by her desk, reading a copy of _Romeo and Juliet_. This angered her for some reason. That was her book in his hands, and him sitting in her desk in her bedroom chamber. He had no right to be there without her permission.

"What are you doing here?" Clare said, looking flushed.

"isn't it obvious? I'm attempting to read this classical novel that has been praised by the poor and the rich, the young and the old," Eli said, with a smirk. "_'Oh, Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet.'_"

Clare couldn't help but giggle at the sound of Eli imitating the voice of woman. He had a funny grin on his lips and his tousled, dark hair looked so soft. His fresh white shirt was unbuttoned and Clare blushed as she saw his toned stomach.

"What does this even mean?" Eli muttered. "I'm not illiterate, a bit stupid, but it makes no sense in my opinion. I don't see why it's so praised and loved."

"It makes sense, "Clare said, sitting on the edge of her bed. She began explaining, looking down at the floorboards. "Juliet didn't care that Romeo was from an enemy family. She told him to deny who his father was, and refuse being a Montague. If he didn't do that, then she'd stop being a Capulet. It's really simple, you know, if you know what the story is about."

All the anger had vanished, replaced by interest in why Eli had read the book. Clare looked curiously as he flipped the pages and stopped at a certain one, which had a yellow rose for a bookmark.

"_'What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.'_" Eli looked up at Clare through his lashes. "so let me see if I understand this. It doesn't matter who you are but what's within. So let's say, just as an example, a lovely princess falls for a peasant boy. It doesn't matter that they come from different places as long as love is the mutual feeling between them."

Clare swallowed. She knew where he was going with this. He had already walked over to her and sat on the bed beside her, close but keeping a fair distance.

"Exactly," Clare squeaked. "But of course, only as an example."

"Not entirely."

"How so?"

Eli paused, thinking carefully his words. "For one thing, a certain blue-eyed princess can fall for a stupid, idiotic, sarcastic peasant. It can happen, and if I'm correct, it already had. And second, I don't think it can be that rare. If the peasant is charming, dashing and wonderful. Oh and he's got amazing green eyes, too."

Clare rolled her eyes. "I have met a single man like that in my life."

"Would you like to?"

Eli's offer seemed too inviting. Clare knew that they had to talk and understand each other before anything else happened. She didn't want to now what else was going to happen in the future. Living for the moment sounded perfect. But she'd up too many walls in the past years. Not one single person had been able to break them down. Eli seemed perfect for the job, but he had some explaining to do.

"First, we talk," Clare said, jumping from her bed. "I want to know what happened on Monday was all about."

Eli grimaced. "All right. I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

**Ah cliffhangers. Don't you love them? I know I do (; until next time, my lovely friends. Don't forget to review. Again, thank you, _dramarose_ for helping me with a part. You rock. And so do all of you. ;333**


	7. Lips Like Morphine

Somehow the easiness of the previous conversation was gone. It was now replaced by this tension that was hard to get rid of. The air that hung between Eli and Clare was silent. So many things could've been said and told, but there was no way to begin. No matter how many explanations were given, how many lies were uncovered, things had been damaged. You couldn't put everything back together like a broken toy. These feelings ran deep into their souls, contorting their bodies in pain and agony every time their eyes met. It killed Clare to know that Eli was right there in front of her, so close yet so far away.

Music was playing from the outside of her bed chambers. It was like the ending of a sad play. Clare kept reminding herself that these things were never easy. Hearing that Eli was in love with Julia might've been worse than being stabbed in the heart. Clare wanted to hear it from him, hear that he didn't love her. But every single time she remembered catching them in the stables together, a small piece of her heart broke off.

"Just ask anything," Eli said finally, a small grin on his lips.

Clare's mind went completely blank at that moment. She wanted to ask anything and everything. She wanted to know if Eli felt the same way when they kissed for the first time. If he felt those silly butterflies in his stomach or his head spinning in happy circles.

"How did we end up like this?" Clare said, the words flowing right past her lips before she could stop them.

Her eyes stayed glued to the wooden floor, trying to fight the blush that crept upon her cheeks.

"Well… I'm not quite sure," Eli began. "We were so close as kids. We never left each others side. Then you grew up and so did I. you turned into a beautiful woman and I into a peasant, stable-man. We've taken separate paths since the beginning. But whatever we have inside, it's always been the same. No matter who we are, you'll always be mine."

"But I can't be," Clare said softly.

"Do you remember when our parents took us down to the beach?" Eli asked. His dark, emerald eyes shone with excitement. "I didn't know how to swim and neither did you. Jenna was still little so she didn't go. You and I were left on one part of the beach. I still remember that day. You managed to get a few seashells from the beach… The water was so warm and clear. I was scared of sharks, but you took my hand and told me it'd be okay. I learned to swim that day, thanks to you."

Clare smiled softly. She hadn't thought of that day in ages. It had been a warm August day when the royal family and the Goldsworthy's went down to the coast for a short vacation. Helen was still living with Randall and Clare was barely four years old. Jenna was three and scared of the ocean so she stayed back with a family friend. Eli and Clare spend all day running along the soft, white sands and treading through the crystal-clear waters. It had been a day to make memories, ones that would last forever. Eli had learned how to swim rather easily. Clare had been by his side for awhile. It was a day that was etched into both of their memories, a single bright light that reminded them that their lives were worth something.

"We should go to the beach again," Eli announced, pacing around the room. "You and me. Just us two, alright? We-we'd learn how to swim in deeper waters. A-And then things would be back to normal. Because we're meant to be together."

Clare saw right through Eli's words. It was an attempt to mend their relationship. A very poor attempt. Things were far too twisted to be fixed with a promise of forever and a kiss of goodnight. They needed to work this out like the adults they were becoming.

"Eli," Clare began with a sigh. "Tell me why you're marrying Julia."

Her words were worse than a slap in the face. It wasn't the words themselves, but the way Clare spoke them. So calmly, so easily. It could've been a regular conversation if it wasn't for the grimace on Eli's face.

"Do we have to talk about it?" Eli muttered. He scratched the back of his neck and began pacing again. "I don't see how going over that will fix anything. It's complicated. You understand that, don't you Clare? Because you understand me. Everything about me, even the parts I don't even understand myself."

"Stop!" Clare screeched. She didn't mean to come off as ruse but this was too much, too fast.

Eli stared at her open-mouthed and bug-eyed. She'd pretty much told him to shut his mouth. There was something about her agonized expression tainted with anger. Where was this anger coming from? He didn't want to know. I mean, Clare hardly ever got angry and when she did it was probably something extremely serious. And she couldn't be angry at him, right? Right.

"I've had enough," Clare said out of breath. "You don't want to explain anything to me! I'm asking you a simple question and you can't tell me the truth. Has everything we've been through a lie? Because you're never honest and I'm getting sick of it. I don't want excuses anymore. Just come clean and tell me."

"Clare-"

"Did you ever love me at all?"

Her questioned opened up a new fresh set of wounds. His pause was enough for Clare to get an answer. She forced herself not to shed a single tear. He wasn't worth it. He didn't even seem to want to lie anymore. Because after all the dust was gone, they were left with the truth uncovered. He didn't love her.

"You know I-I love you," Eli tried weakly. "God, I'm such an idiot!"

"I can't agree more," Clare spat.

He spun around to see her and his eyes were burning with a fire she hadn't seen before. He took a few quick steps until they were facing each other. He closed the distance between them and took hold of her waist. His long, pale fingers wrapped around the fabric of her dress and pulled her forcefully towards his body. She gasped a little and looked up into his eyes. They were furious, and had turned into a dark shade of green, almost black. His plump lips parted and he leaned in gently. Clare didn't know how to react. She closed her eyes and tilted her head to the side, awaiting his kiss.

Finally he pressed his lips against hers and they moved in synchronization. Her warm breath filled his mouth as his fingers ran up and down her sides. Her petite hands found their way up to his neck and pulled him down to her. Their tongues met in a sensual dance of mutual passion and she gasped when he bit down softly on her lip. She tasted her own blood but didn't mind. Her body was buzzing as if electrified to the point where she was floating. She felt so alive, so free. It was far too perfect, from the way his lips molded perfectly over hers. His hands landed on her hips and he groaned when she pulled on his soft hair.

They broke apart just for a second to catch their breaths. Clare was panting and her cheeks were flushed. She couldn't believe that kissing Eli could feel this good. The way he took away her breath away and made her mind swim with the flood of his scent. His taste was still roaming in her mouth. She pressed a finger to her bruised lips and giggled a little.

"What's so funny, Edwards?" Eli joked, running a hand through his hair.

"I hate you," Clare laughed. "Because of you, I forget why I'm mad. I forget that you're engaged."

Her words were filled with venom. Maybe with a little threatening he'd open up.

"You really want to know?" Eli asked. His eyes glinted in the dark. "Julia is pregnant. It's not my child though. I-I…it's not my kid, alright? She doesn't want h-her family to know. So we're getting married. I owe her money so the deal is that I-I'll repay her all the money by marrying her and being the father of her child. It'll only be for a while, though. She's planning to move upstate with her grandmother once the baby is born. I didn't know h-how to tell you that I was a failure. I want to be with you but I'm stuck in this position."

"I don't…understand," Clare said, trying to process the new information that was going through her mind. "I can pay her back for you. You don't have to marry Julia. It's just not right."

"You don't get it!" Eli growled. His hands balled into fists and he let out a low growl. Clare backed away until her back met with the wall. She'd never seen Eli this mad at her or at anyone. It was truly frightening, the way his moods could change so abruptly.

"Explain it to me then," Clare said, mustering up enough courage to ask this.

"I want to be a man of my word and pay Julia back myself. I don't want to owe you anything either. And it's just not right to let her take your money. Your father's money. I got myself into this mess, I'll get myself out… I could probably get the money on my own but I can't let Julia be alone with that child. I know I'm not the father but it just seems wrong to walk out on someone in need."

Eli always had a golden heart, even if he didn't show it. He could never bear to see someone in need while he was able to help. It was right to be by Julia's side - up to a point. She was blackmailing him into marriage! A life of lies, fathering a child with another's blood. It just went against everything Clare knew.

"Please don't hate me," Eli begged. His features had softened and he was no longer scowling at the floor. "Please. I need you, Clare."

"I don't understand what you want me to do," Clare said flatly. "You'll marry Julia, be with her during her pregnancy and then she'll leave. What is there for me to do? Be your-your lover? You know I'm not that kind of girl."

"So what are you going to do once your daddy marries you to Fitz?" Eli retorted angrily.

Clare hadn't thought of Fitz in a while now. All this Eli drama was enough to put the marriage all the way in the back of her mind. But now that she considered it, what would she do once the date was set? Once all plans were made and her father was walking her up to the altar? Eli wouldn't be the one waiting for her with open arms and a familiar smirk. It'd be Fitz, wearing his ever-present scowl and waiting to corrupt Clare. That didn't sound too appealing.

"Exactly," Eli said in a honey sweet voice. "You need me, I need you. But obviously we can't be together. It's not being a lover when you're with your true love."

Clare caught Eli's drift rather fast. He was suggesting that they'd be lovers. The idea sounded like a straight pathway to hell. Surely lying and cheating were sins bad enough to end up in that hot place under the earth. But he had a point; why did lovers sound like a bad thing when their love was real?

"Think about it this way," he began. His arm fell over her shoulders, warming up her shaking body. "We'd be going after what we want, not what others want for us. Haven't you always wanted to be independent? This is the perfect opportunity. You and I both get what we want, plus a rush of adrenaline."

"It's risky," Clare whispered.

"You know I can be sneaky," Eli said with a smirk. "I can teach you a couple of tricks. Maybe you can master the art of lying. Who knows, dear, anything is possible."

"I still think it's wrong."

Eli paused. He pulled away from her and walked over to the balcony doors. He stared out at the full moon, shining so brightly down on the land. He looked peaceful, his face clear of all worries. "The best things in life are wrong."

This confused Clare. That wasn't true. Love wasn't wrong, but the person with whom you shared the love with could be wrong. That couldn't be any more true for Eli and Clare. She wasn't supposed to love that peasant boy with not a single penny to his name. His name was ironic enough without having to point it out.

"Can you…give me time to think?" Clare asked.

"Take all the time you need," Eli offered. He turned to look at her and smirked. "It's getting kind of late, Blue Eyes. You should be in bed by now."

He looked at her again and opened the balcony doors quietly. He didn't look back as he shut it behind him, leaving Clare to the silence. The storm had eased by now, leaving her to utter stillness. It was uncomfortable. All these emotions kept on bouncing inside her but she had no way of venting. She paced around her large chambers, trying to look for any sort of thing to distract herself. When she passed by her desk, she saw a piece of paper sticking out from the pages of Romeo and Juliet. It was a few scribbles. From Eli.

_I guess I shouldn't be here in Clare's room. But I can't help it. She's like a magnet and I can't stay away. I'm sure she'll be right up so I should get rid of this paper. I can't stop thinking about her, though. I have no one to confide in and share these feelings with. CeCe probably thinks I'm ruining my life with Julia. Bullfrog's got enough work. No one. I guess I should make a friend. Maybe a prince. I heard they're great company._

_ I wish there was a way that Clare could understand what I'm going through. There are these moments of immense sadness that falls over me. I can't help the blanket that covers me. If I tell Clare, she'll tell me I'm crazy. I'm not crazy._

The writing ended abruptly. Clare's jaw dropped silently. She didn't know what to make of this. She'd heard about the sadness before; depression. It wasn't all that famous but the people it affected sure where. There were various princesses and princes who suffered of depression. One of them, Prince Rick, shot himself with his father's gun because of depression. It wasn't all that sad for the mourners since he was obnoxious. Clare didn't want to even think about Eli considering suicide. It wasn't possible. Sure, he had some problems arising at the moment, but it was nothing that couldn't be fixed with a vacation and a mug of hot chocolate.

"Clare-bear," a muffled voice came from outside the chamber doors.

Clare hid the paper in a drawer and sprinted to open the door. In the frame stood Jenna, a disappointed look on her face.

"Hello, sister, shouldn't you be in bed by now?" Clare asked, trying to sound polite.

"Yes, yes." Jenna paused but then a long sigh passed through her lips. "Clare, I heard Father speaking to Fitzgerald."

Clare didn't do anything. She didn't speak or make a face. She knew it was coming, but not when. It didn't come as much of a shock. Fitz was probably awaiting the right moment to make plans and arrange the date.

"Go on," Clare said flatly.

"The date has been set for July 29th." Jenna stepped into the bedroom chambers and sat on the bed. "Fitzgerald said he didn't want to wait long for you to be his wife. I wanted to intervene but you know how Father would react, probably curse me to Hell. Nonetheless, I felt it important to tell you this. We have to go into town by tomorrow. Father arranged a visit to the tailor, and the gown and shoe shop. He said we both have to find dresses since I'm also getting married-"

"What?" Clare interrupted.

"Umm…well Father also arranged my marriage with Prince KC. He's a wonderful man but we don't have the right chemistry. Tragic really that we can't actually get to know each other. But I think that you're the one who needs more help.. Clare I want to help you but I don't know how. I think it's unfair that you're being forced into this, with Fitzgerald of all people."

"Jenna, I can't fix anything either ways," Clare whined softly. "I hate this as much as you do but I can't fight fate. What happens, happens."

"You never give up, so why now?" Jenna accused. She pointed at Clare. "You're strong and independent. Why are you giving up now?"

"I don't know!" Clare screamed in a shrilly voice.

She collapsed onto the wooden floor. Silent tears flowed down her cheeks and she pushed Jenna away when she tried to hold her. She didn't know what to do with anything! Her life was falling to pieces and there was nothing to do about it. She was going to be forced to be with Fitz without a choice. She missed her mother way too much. Eli - he was going to be a memory soon.

"Clare?" a voice said from the doorway.

The soft voice belonged to CeCe. Jenna backed away from the slumping figure and CeCe replaced her. Her soft, worn fingers pushed Clare's hair back and she pressed her lips to the younger girls head.

"Baby girl, it'll be alright," she cooed. "I know it's hard, but it always work out in the end. Remember I'm always here for you."

The words didn't bring Clare much comfort. She was still in pain.

"I want to be alone," Clare slurred. "P-Please."

CeCe nodded, leaving the room and shutting the door behind her. Clare got off the floor and wiped the tears off her eyes. She sat on the edge of her chair and took out a leather-bound notebook. It was a gift from her memory but she'd never used it. She took out a fresh quill and ink.

_** I remember you every day. You left us, Mom. You left us for an unclear future and the promise of forever. We could've left with you, you know. We could've all been happy. It's so hard in these moment where I have no one to confide in, no one to vent to. I remember when you would hug me and say I was a lovely princess. I miss you. You missed the most important moments of my life. Now I'm a month from getting married. You won't be by my side to fix my gown, or be or moral support. That's why I hate you.**_

The words might've been harsh but they came from the depths of Clare's heart. Her mother's rejection hurt worse than I slap in the face.

The next day came in a blur. Clare was hustled out of her comfortable bed and into a tight corset and a petticoat. A dress was thrown over her head and over the undergarments. It was a peach color and had small pearls adorning the dress. Her curls were fixed into tight ringlets and piled high on her head. She would've loved sleeping more but it wasn't possible.

She left the castle in a rush and saw Eli outside. He sent a signature smirk in her direction and winked. His green eyes shone brighter than the summer sun above. Clare escaped from her father's watchful eye to Eli's side.

"Good morning, love," he whispered. He was tending to the horses and his face was shiny with sweat.

"Seeing you makes my day better," Clare said with a sigh. "I have to go now. Promise to visit me tonight?"

Eli shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not Princess."

He smirked again and walked away, leaving Clare with her hopes high and her heart pounding.

Long chapter! Sorry that I took forever. I'll update more often now that summer's here! Enjoy!


	8. You Look At Me, Hit Me With Lightning

_**-A love you light is a love soon gone-**_

The town was quite busy on that June morning when Clare arrived. She was accompanied by Jenna, Alliah, Anya, and Fiona. Alliah, or Alli, as she liked to be called, was the princesses' distant cousin from Morocco. Anya and Fiona were basically family, being best friends with Clare since they were little girls. The five young women stepped off the carriage, holding their heads high and smiling at each other.

There was various kinds of people in the Land of Degrassi. The large country was divided into kingdoms. There were too many to count, but the creator of it all was the first King, named Stephen. He was a wise man, rich yet noble, who couldn't possibly care for the enormous land. So he separate large chunks of it and gave it to his most loyal knights and friends. Therefore, many different people ruled.

Everyone had their own sets of rules, along with a small village. The Kings, or Queens, decided the rules for their kingdoms. Average, every day people who weren't royalty lived in these villages. The ones who were a bit wealthy paid the king to live in their village. There could be no more than a thousand people to a village, so the ones who didn't get enough money in time had to go live in the worst of kingdoms. There were several that had no mercy for the poor and made them servants. Some raped the young women and girls, then killed them with the men. It was quite horrible, but no one could interfere. That was the number one rule: you could only make the choices for your kingdom. You could make suggestions but these were often not taken well. Mostly all royals associated with each other, some even married each other to unite land.

There was one place where everyone united. The town. That's simply what it was called, being the place where King Stephen originally lived. There were shops, restaurants, banks, gardens and the famous town square. It was a stone fountain kept alive all year long. It was in the center of town and led to all the places around. Newlyweds visited the place in order to make a wish that their marriage would last forever. Quite romantic, if you consider who you're marrying.

"Isn't it a bit rushed, though?" Anya asked, sitting down on the metal chair with intricate designs.

The girls were at the most expensive yet delicious restaurant in the land, the Dot Café, and discussing the marriage of sweet Clare.

"I agree," Fiona said. "Us women have rights. We can't be forced into a marriage that might as well be the death of us."

"That's exactly what I think," Jenna exclaimed, calling the waiter over.

He was a young man in his early twenty's, brown hair swept to the side matching his brown eyes. An aura of charisma followed him. "Good morning. My name is Jake and I shall be your server in this fine morning."

His eyes fell on Clare who blushed instantly. He cocked his head to the side a little but smiled. There was something about him that seemed intriguing. Maybe it was the way that his eyes felt like they could pierce into your very soul. Or the way he smiled tentatively and politely. Clare felt exposed but in the way that didn't hurt.

"Well, good morning Jake," Alli said, her flirty face replacing the previous look of worry. "I'll take a cup of French Vanilla coffee, extra sugar, no foam please."

Jake jotted down Alli's order and turned to look at Anya, who sat next to Alli.

"I'll take a cup of hot chocolate and a raisin muffin, please," she said with a polite smile.

"I'll take a cup of black coffee and a crème burlee with a dash of cinnamon," Fiona said, brushing back her untamable curls.

"I'm in the mood for a German chocolate cake," Jenna said with a giggle.

Jake turned to Clare at last and she was at a loss. She forgot that her favorite coffee was a cappuccino with extra sugar and her favorite delicacy was a tiramisu cake. Her mind went out of focus as Jake's eyes burned into hers, making her head swim with these thought that made no sense.

"I'll take an éclair," she said suddenly.

Clare's face flushed as Alli snorted. Éclairs weren't all that expensive or fancy to the girls. However it was Clare's favorite dessert and she never passed up an opportunity to savor one. Jake nodded and left with the girls' orders.

There was an uncomfortable silence that fell over the girls. What had happened when Jake looked at Clare? She didn't know herself but the unspoken question still hung over their heads. Clare didn't want to think about it. She didn't even want to see Jake again. Eli was still in the back of her mind, making this whole deal very complicated - at least to her. No one knew the battle that was erupting in her mind. His suggestion to be lovers was still open but was it right? No. It was a sin for crying out loud! Did she really care about sinning? Not one bit. The thought alone sounded far too inviting. The sweetest sins had tragic ends though. What if Randall found out? He'd surely die of the embarrassment of having his eldest daughter fooling around with the help, even if the help was like family.

"Clare?" Alli's voice grabbed Clare's attention. "I know this whole marriage deal is taking a toll on you. But look on the Brightside; dress and shoe shopping! It's like a summer Christmas."

Only Alli would find an arranged marriage fun. No matter how many dresses were offered to her or how many shoes were placed on her feet, Clare couldn't be happy. The thought of being a bride seemed too foreign, obviously since she'd never been a bride. Now the moment had come and she wasn't the slightest bit excited.

"One question," Fiona said with a sneaky grin upon her lips. "Are you going to off to your honeymoon and celebrate your wedding night?"

Clare blushed a deep red. The thought hadn't formed itself in her head until now. She forgot that every pair of royal newlyweds went off on their honeymoon to a distant land to enjoy their wedding night. The mere thought of Fitz being intimate with her made Clare shudder. She was thankful that Anya brought it up but only for a second. The only person she could ever imagine herself doing that with was Eli. He knew her inside out, and was sweet and caring. He'd never hurt her because their love was pure and true.

Well, maybe not so pure.

Clare was a young woman and she had previously thought about being with someone in that way. Even though she was a princess, law said that everyone had to learn about intimacy and health. Dawes taught her with diagrams and a few books. Clare knew far too well how the First Time happened; the shaking, the nervousness, the shy glances. But in the end it'd be worth it because she'd become a woman. That didn't sound very amazing if it meant becoming a woman by Fitz. It sounded like a never ending nightmare that could haunt her for the rest of her live.

"Shush, Fi," Anya said, crossing her arms over her chest. She wore a dark blue gown that complimented her eyes and a gold necklace with a cross that fell in the center of her collarbone. Out of all the girl , Anya was the only one who went to church regularly. After her mother was diagnosed with cancer, Anya started having more faith and visiting the town's Catholic church. Clare went to that very church once a while when there was time. Fiona was an Atheist ever since she was ten and her beloved grandmother died. She stopped believing in God, because if he was out there he wouldn't have taken away the frail old woman. Alli was a Muslim but didn't practice her religion. She was hardly ever seen praying, and more often times sinning.

"I was just asking," Fiona said with a shrug. "I don't know but if I were you, I'd try and spend that moment with someone who actually meant something to me."

"What do you mean?" Clare asked.

At that moment, Jake came back with the girls' food. The small, chocolate covered éclair looked delightful and Clare licked her lips unconsciously. All girls started eating and drinking as soon as their plates and cups touched the table. The éclair had such perfection that Clare asked for a second one. At least if she was going to be tortured by dress shopping, she'd have food with her.

"Clare, you won't fit into your dress!" Alli squealed. She tried pushing Clare's plate away but she stopped her.

"Does it look like I honestly care about some idiotic wedding with a dress as an excuse of happiness?" Clare said through bites. "I don't care about the dress, or the shoes, or the menu, or the ceremony. If I have to get married with Fitz, I don't want any part in the details and arrangements."

Alli winced. "Clare…you only get married once, that is if you don't get separated. Make the most of it."

Clare shook her head, "I don't know, Alli. Yes, I'll only get married once but it's not like it's the most amazing moment of my life."

"I agree with you, Clare-bear," Anya said in a soothing voice, taking a tiny bit of her warm muffin. "There's no reason to make this a fantastic event if it means our Clare's misery."

Clare smiled weakly. Out of all the girls, Anya was the simplest who didn't believe in arranged marriages. Clare knew her since they were little girls and wore pink ribbons in their hair. Ever since they'd been close. Alli and Fiona believed too much in vanity and riches, not caring if their families sent them into a loveless marriage with a horrible man. They wanted the money, the fame, and most of all the fashions. Clare would've traded all those things that'd she'd soon have for one person - Eli. It'd been easier to be a poor, hungry peasant than a spoiled, unhappy princess. At least that's what Clare had realized.

"Clare, we're leaving," Fiona said, taking a final sip of her black coffee. She wiped her lips with a silk napkin and patting her hair. She was always making sure she looked good enough for anyone, even if it was just for going out with her girlfriends.

The five girls pushed their chairs back and paid Jake with gold coins. Only Clare left a decent tip and he smiled widely before bowing down to all of them.

"Thank you for gracing the Dot Café with your presence," Jake said with a wink. "We hope to see you soon."

Alli gigged and winked at him. Clare noticed that Jake wasn't looking at her friend but at _her_. It felt…nice. In a way.

In that very moment, something switched in the world. No one knew if it was Earth plate tectonics. Or maybe an eclipse, or a severe thunderstorm in a far away land. But something changed in the world. Maybe it was a slight change that no one else noticed. There was one person who did. Clare Diane Edwards. She felt a shift in her life, her perfect and immaculate world. She had a few guesses and they all revolved around Jake Martin, the waiter with a certain charm. She hadn't felt this way before, and that was saying a lot. Sure, there was a fire inside her that was always lit when Eli was around. But with Jake, there was an instant chemistry and that scared her. It was nice to know that somewhere out there, there was countless possibilities and endless opportunities. They could be waiting for her back in the castle, feeding carrots to her beloved horse. Or maybe in a tiny café, serving customers every hour. One thing Clare knew was that she wouldn't give up hope. There had to be some way of being happy, with someone who filled her life with joy and laughter.

"Can you give me a second?" Clare asked her friends, fidgeting with her fingers.

Life was about taking risks. You can't know what _could've _been if you didn't try.

All girls looked confused but they nodded and made their way out of the café, looking back at Clare to see what she was going to do. She wasn't even sure herself but she had to take a chance.

"Jake," Clare said, blushing at the confidence that was swirling in her veins, "I feel like…like I should get to know you more. It's-it's just a feeling and I don't know if -"

"I feel it too," he interrupted with a grin. "I know that I'm not worth you're time, but it'd be amazing if you would agree to come to dinner with me. It'd be here at the Dot, before closing time. I-I think I'm being too straightforward but I can't fight this."

"Whatever this is," Clare laughed. "I'll come…on account that the Dot has delicious meals."

Now it was Jake who laughed. "I'll see you at eight?"

"Guess you will," Clare said with a grin.

She pranced out of the café a smile on her soft, pink lips. She wasn't sure how she'd explain this whole 'date' deal to her friend. They wouldn't understand. Hell, she didn't understand herself! But whatever it takes, she'd be happy. She'd take risks. She'd live.

…

After three hours of shopping with the towns finest designers, Clare was exhausted. Her cheeks were flushed and her feet aching but that didn't stop Jenna, Fiona, and Alli from dragging her into a final shop. It was a new boutique that had recently opened, owned and managed by a foreign woman and her rich husband. Anya had left after the café; her mother had an appointment with the cancer specialist and it was important for her to be present. Clare had already eaten her éclair and had the sweet taste in her mouth, remembering the taste. This didn't make things any better, though, because as soon as she stepped into the cool, fresh boutique, all she saw where endless racks of dresses and gowns of every color imaginable. Which meant a lot of walking and trying on gowns.

"Hello?" Alli called out, fanning herself with her hand. There was a trail of sweat running down the side of her face but that didn't bother her.

It had been the hottest summer day so far. July was fast approaching, making it clear that there would be more hot days to come. It wasn't easy to walk around in the heat wearing tight, heavy dress along with a corset and pantyhose. It was uncomfortable and way too hot for Clare's liking but he put up with it by taking sips of water from a bottle she bought at the Dot.

"Welcome!" a voice said from behind a rack of teal dresses. "Welcome ladies! My name is Helena. I am the proud owner of _Desire's Boutique._ How may I help you?"

The voice belonged to a petite woman in her forties. She was short, with straight brown hair and warm brown eyes. There were laugh line along her eyes and the corners of her mouth. Her expression was worn out and tired but that didn't stop her from running over to meet the girls with a smile.

There was something familiar about this woman, her warm smile and her brown eyes. There was something in them that seemed very comforting. It was like if Clare knew this woman from before. She pushed the thought aside because she'd already been told she was foreign. She wasn't the only one who felt that very same hint of recognition. Jenna was also staring oddly at Helena and scratching the back of her neck in concentration. She shook her head a little and looked at Clare for help. Clare shrugged and let Alli and Fiona talk.

"You see, Helena, our dearest friend Clare here is getting married next month," Alli began. "We must find a wedding gown for the big day. She doesn't think this is an important time in her life-"

"-but we beg to differ," Fiona interrupted. "I find this to be a very special mission. Dress shopping is my expertise and what better place than this new boutique."

"Oh I am just delighted to be the one to help you find your special gowns," Helena said with a slight smile. "And when I say gowns, I mean for you ladies as well. I assume you're the bridesmaids?"

Clare nodded. "These are my friends, Fiona and Alli, and my sister, Jenna. There's also another bridesmaid, Anya, but she couldn't make it."

"Wonderful," Helena said, staring at Clare curiously. She brushed back her hair and motioned over to the racks. "As tradition goes, the bride dresses in a white or beige dress, depending on her choice. Well, this is if you're going for a traditional wedding. If not, then there's many styles and colors to chose from. As you can see, we have a wide selection to choose from. The bridesmaids also wear the same color dress and style, or maybe just the same color. It's all up to you ladies and what you'd like."

This left Clare looking around the boutique very confused and lost. She didn't know a thing about dresses or colors or fabrics. She was in unknown territory and it was scaring her. Thankfully, Fiona stepped in at this.

"In my opinion, the bridesmaids should all choose their own style, but in the same color," Fi said, waving her arm around for dramatic effect. "I'm all for the bright colors, to add a little life to the party.

Helena nodded. "I agree completely, miss. Now, Clare, what color do you think the bridesmaid dresses should be?"

Clare didn't really know. She wasn't used to fashion and all that stuff. She looked at Alli. " I'm-I'm going to let Alli choose this one. Please?"

For the next hour, four girls tried on dress after dress, tossing them aside or marveling at their design. Alli was having the time of her life, trying on a hot pink dress with ruffles when Fiona gasped.

"That one, Clare!" she said, pointing at the dress that Clare had just slipped over her head.

It wasn't some elaborate dress or extremely fancy but it was amazing in its own way. It was a strapless gown with an intricate pattern of roses along the front. There was a beige ribbon above the waist, with the skirt being very simple; it consisted of the same intricate pattern. The pattern was sewn on it's own layer while there was a different, plain white layer underneath. This gave it a simple look but it was quite beautiful.

Clare swayed to the side, swirling the skirt around. The dress tied at the back with a lace ribbon along with the ribbon at the waist. For once, Clare didn't feel uncomfortable in a dress. She truly felt like a storybook princess as she circled the spot. Every pair of eyes was on Clare as she twirled like a happy little girl. A smile bubbled on her lips and she felt so free.

"I think that's the dress," Helena said with a sad smile.

The rest of the time at the boutique was spent looking for bridesmaid dresses. Alli had decided that the dresses be blue or turquoise to compliment Clare eyes. They agreed and set off to find their own dresses. Every girl took their own routes leaving Clare on her own to glare at the other wedding dresses. As much as she adored the dress that would be waiting for her after Helena fixed the length, she couldn't forget why she bought the dress in the first place. To marry Fitz. The mere thought sent goose bumps down her spine. While she sat a chair back in her own dress waiting for her friends, Helena went up to her.

"How is the lovely bride-to-be?" the older woman asked.

Clare fought hard to not groan. She didn't want to think about that but since Helena brought it up, she found it rude to ignore the question.

"I'm fine," she stated.

"Are you sure?" Helena prompted. "I overheard Fiona and Alliah talking about the, umm, situation that you're facing."

Clare looked down in shame. She wasn't proud to say that she didn't want to get married. It wasn't the best thing in the world, but since Helena brought it up, she had to answer. And she did. She said everything in her story, from the way Eli kissed her to her disgust in marrying Fitz. She hadn't opened up to someone in that way in the longest and it felt good to get everything off her chest. Clare finished with a big sigh and looked at Helena.

"If life's taught me anything, it's to fight for what I want," Helena said proudly. She flattened down her dress skirt. "You see Clare, I fell in love with someone I wasn't supposed to. I was already married and had two daughter. But the love I felt for that man, it was too strong to forget. I never loved my husband, Randall; he was cold and violent. I sketched out a plan and escaped. I can't say it was easy, leaving my baby girls behind. I miss them to this day. But I couldn't stand another day in a life that wasn't my own. I know I shouldn't encourage you to escape from your husband, but what if that's what fixes this problem you have? Think of all the possibilities, Clare."

Something clicked in the back of Clare's mind. This woman's story seemed far too familiar. She'd already heard of a woman escaping for freedom and love. Her mother. The similarities were far too deep to ignore. She backtracked and looked closer at Helena, "Umm, what did you say your daughter's names were?"

"It was Clare and Jenna," Helena sighed. "I used to call them Clarabelle and Jenny though. My little baby girls. I bet their all grown up now, having lives of their own.. There's not a day that passes that I don't remember their faces and their childish giggles."

Clare couldn't help the gasp that escaped her lips. She couldn't believe this! It was her mother, Helen, standing right in front of her, telling her that even though she missed her she'd never leave her life of love. It was the same woman who'd left for an adventure and didn't look back upon on her daughter's.

"How can you say that?" Clare spat out angrily. "How?"

By now the other three girls had appeared in front of Clare. They each held on to a simple blue gown that looked similar. The easy smiles on their faces were replaced by looks of concern.

"What's going on?" Jenna asked softly.

"This-This woman is our mother!" Clare screamed shrilly. She didn't know what was going on with her. She was never one to raise her voice, far less in public. But this wasn't something silly. This was the reason why she cried at night, why she couldn't get over the fact that she was alone in life.

Jenna's face mirrored Clare. She dropped the dress that was in her arms and walked to Clare's side.

"How _could _you?" she said with a hint of sadness tracing her voice. "You left us and never came back.. I hate you."

She stomped out of the boutique and didn't look back once. Clare quickly followed, ignoring her own mother's pleas to wait, to listen. She didn't want to make a scene so she held in the tears that were threatening to pour. She nearly ran back to the carriage and when she got there she collapsed on the velvety seats.

Clare didn't know what to think anymore. Life was killing her slowly and painfully. The wedding was coming closer and closer. So many details had to be arranged. And now, her mother was back in town. It didn't help that she was glowing with happiness and not a hint of regret.

"Reese, please take me ome," Clare said through sobs to the driver.

The horses galloped away and made their way back to the castle. The ride seemed to have taken little time and she was soon at the door of the stables. What she needed right now was a healthy dose of Eli.

He answered her knock quickly and smiled when he saw her. That smile faltered when he saw the state she was in, her curls loose and her eyes puffy.

"Blue-Eyes, what's wrong?" he asked, concern lacing his gentle voice.

She honestly didn't know where to begin. She didn't even have a chance to explain before Eli pulled her into a bone-breaking hug. He held her in his arms so carefully and it warmed her aching heart that someone out there actually cared.

**Well that's it for tonight folks! Tune in next week when Clare goes on her date with Jake and…Eli? Hmm.. ;) aha, two more things. 1) I'd like to thank Princess Dramarose, or as I know her Dramarose, for her help. She inspired me to give this story a few new twist so thank you. The second person I'd like to thank is kkdramatickarmatic :D she had reviewed every single chapter and it makes my day when I see her reviews. Thank you both for helping this story grow thus far. And 2) please review. I have no way of knowing if you read. And it makes my day too.. Thanks! : )**


	9. Don't Let Me Down

_**You got me bewitched, 'cause I'm under your spell**_

If you looked closely up at the sky, you could notice it was streaked with pink and orange all mixed with light blue in the background. It was quite beautiful even if it was seen often in June. July would be made up of deep blue, night skies. Summers were comforting, filled with laughter and smiles that could last a lifetime. There was one girl who wasn't smiling and having a great time running around green meadows. She was crying, in the arms of a man who'd always be there even if it was too late. He held her protectively, making sure she wouldn't get hurt ever again. Of course this was impossible since every got hurt no matter what safety was offered. How was this girl hurt, you may ask. No, she didn't fall off a tree where she was picking apples. She didn't slip on a tree root and scratch her knee either. She was hurt by her mother. At least that was the term for the woman who gave birth to you, even if there was no sentimental connection. As she cried, she couldn't get rid of her mother's voice. It was like bells ringing over and over in her ears. Whenever she closed her eyes, she could see that woman so close to her and yet living a completely different life.

"She said she missed us every day, but she never came back to visit us," Clare whimpered. "Sh-She said that she couldn't l-live in a life that wasn't her own. S-So she escaped. She told m-me that if I-I wanted my happiness I shouldn't m-marry Fitz. I just…I don't…" She trailed off and Eli got the hint to not push for more.

Her frail body lay limp in his arms and he stroked her curls lovingly. His angel had crashed onto earth and lost her wings. He wanted to care for her until things could be better. He wanted to talk to that Helen woman. How dare she show up back to town and not even recognize the child she gave birth to? It sounded horrific. Eli wondered how he would feel if CeCe of Bullfrog ever walked out on him, leaving him to fend on his own. She shivered, knowing that'd be the hardest thing to do. _Clare must feel the same way_, he decided. He wanted to ask more, but didn't want to make her angry.

"Do you…hate her?' Eli asked hesitantly.

"I shouldn't," she whispered, "But she hasn't given me a reason not to. She left me, Eli! She left Jenna and I when we were too young to understand. Why didn't she take us with her? Why? I just…I want to die."

"No," Eli stated sternly. "Don't ever say that again, okay? Your mother might've made some mistakes but you won't do something rash like that. Listen to me, Clare. She loves you. She acted on impulse when she left. Hear her out later on. Are you going back to pick up that damn dress?"

He couldn't help but feel angry because in a way, Clare was closer to getting married than she was to being happy with him. He couldn't take it.

"I have to," she whined softly. "If I don't, I'll be in trouble with my father. I also have to go to dinner tonight with someone…"

She trailed off until her voice was barely audible. Eli raised an eyebrow and waited for her to finish. When she didn't, he made her sit up and tried looking into her eyes. She avoided his gaze until he said, "What's wrong?"

"I sort of….umm, agreed to dinner with a friend," she said simply. "Just dinner."

"And what's her name?"

"Funny story really because it's, um, a he," Clare said with a nervous laugh, "His name's Jake. I met him at the Dot and we agreed on dinner. He seems like a really nice boy and I want to make new friends."

"Must your new friend be of the male species?" Eli asked, anger flashing in his eyes.

"Must you be the father of Julia's child?" Clare retorted, glaring at him.

That shut him up pretty quick. Eli and Clare's relationship was becoming more strained as the days passed. They fought more than they ever did as kids. It was mainly because as the days flew by, they'd be closer to getting separated. As much as Clare didn't want to admit it, there was no other option but to marry Fitz. She didn't want to be defeated but it was a battle she'd lose.

"Do you have to go?" he asked.

She nodded. "I promised I'd be there. I can't break a promise."

Eli understood. He pulled her in for a hug. This little piece of forever Eli offered was enough for Clare's tears to cease. She was engulfed in warmth and caring. A little piece in her heart told her if she left with Eli, this would be her life. It was so tempting to stay here and never return to her daily life. Now this little moment of happiness had to be cut short. Clare to head back to her life as Princess Clare and Eli had to get back to work. Unfair.

"I'll see you after the date," Clare muttered. "I'm going for a walk by the woods. The fresh air might help clear my head a little."

Eli got the hint that she wanted to be alone. "Be careful. The woods might be safe but you don't know what might be lurking in them."

Clare nodded and kissed his cheek softly. "No worries, I'll be fine. I'll see you around."

She walked out of the stables, kicking at a few pebbles in the cobble-stone path. She headed for the trail leading to the woods instead of going to the castle. She enjoyed how the setting sun gave the trees an eerie look. She wasn't scared though; she'd grown up escaping at night to this place with Eli. They'd hide-out in a nearby cave big enough to fit two scrawny ten year-olds. Now that she was sixteen, she was positive she wouldn't be able to fit in that cave. Instead she headed the opposite way, farther into the darkness which was oddly enough comforting. She made no noise as she stepped around tree roots and bent down to avoid getting hit by branches. There was a pine tree straight ahead of her; it was the pine tree were she'd written 'Eli and Clare Forever' with her father's hunting knife. She had been around fourteen and still thought Eli was only her best friend. Now that tree remained intact. The words where still etched onto the rough bark, even if a little withered. She rain her fingers over the surface and closed her eyes. She smelled fresh rain mixed with the soil. It was the smell she woke up to years ago.

"…that Elijah is the father and I'm out of the picture?" a voice growled quietly.

Clare tried putting a face to the voice but she couldn't. instead she crouched down to the bushes next to the pine tree and sat on the cool ground. She wasn't the least bit scared of getting her dress dirty; it was comforting and nice. She clearly heard Eli's name so curiosity got the better of her.

"Look, I want my child to be happy and not be persecuted by your family," a female voice said. It was Julia. "Eli owes me money so he'll repay me by marrying me and then-"

"Then what?" the first voice asked. Clare recognized it as Fitz's voice. "Julia, that baby had my damn blood. I'm not letting that bastard take you and the baby away."

"Then what the hell are you going to tell your family?" Julia screamed. "God, I can't do this. Mark, I won't really be with Elijah! Why can't you understand this? I'll only be with him for a little while. I just… I don't know what to do anymore."

"Can't we run away together?" Fitz suggested, in a much softer tone. "Julia, do you really want that baby?"

There was a pause and Clare was holding her breath. Finally Julia answered, "No.. I never wanted to get pregnant but here I am."

"Why don't…you leave _it _with Elijah?" Fitz said and Clare was positive he was smirking. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind. We get that off our shoulder and then you and I can be together. It's perfect!"

"What about that bride of yours?" Julia said.

"Ah, Clare Edwards," Fitz said laughing. "I don't care about her. But I know that Eli likes her so I asked to marry her. It's payback. But I'll work something out. I'm not marrying that plain, ugly girl."

Clare gasped. No one had ever insulted her so horribly even if it wasn't to her face. She didn't really care what Fitz thought of her but knowing that he called her plain and ugly wasn't really a huge self-esteem booster. She frowned, thinking of the more important parts of Julia and Fitz's conversation. So she was planning to have the baby and drop it on Eli's doorstep as soon as it was born? She wasn't meant to be a mother. Who has the heart to leave their newborn just like that, feeling no regret whatsoever?

"I have to go see Eli," Julia sighed. "You better get back home before someone sees you. You shouldn't be here and Randall will get mad."

"I don't care about that idiot," Fitz said nonchalantly. "But I'll leave as to not get you in trouble. I'll see you next week at our meadow."

It was quiet for a minute and she was sure that they'd shared a goodnight kiss. She was gagging and trying to picture something happy, not those two traitors planning something sinister. Finally she heard heavy footsteps thudding across the forest floor, making broken branches crunch. There was a deep sigh that sounded like it came from Julia and then silence. Clare felt uncomfortable on the forest floor, lying near what could be spider webs and rats' hideouts. She raised her head to check if the coast was clear and when there was no one around, she got up and ran to the castle. Her steps were hurried and urgent; she had to get ready to see Jake. It wasn't that she was excited about that, more that after the date, she'd be able to see Eli and tell him what she'd overheard. She crossed the vast lawn and opened the front doors, silently praying her father wasn't around. She got lucky because there was not a soul in sight.

Clare hurried up to her chambers and took a quick bath. She changed into a dark blue, long sleeve dress with a low neckline. She covered her shoulders with a shawl the same color as the puffy dress. She didn't care for her hair, which was a curly mess, but ran a brush through the locks. She wanted to seem presentable but not entirely interested. Clare was considering to ditch Jake but she wasn't rude like that. She said she'd meet him that night and she had to be there.

Time flew by far too quick and soon, Clare was facing the front doors of the Dot Café. There was still a few customers lingering by the outside tables but she could see Jake out of his waiter's uniform and in his casual clothing. It looked like a designer shirt that only royalty could afford. Maybe she was wrong. She approached him with shaking hand and legs that felt like gelatin. She was nervous; this was officially her first date _with _a complete stranger. Why had she been so straightforward that morning? Acting on impulse hardly ever worked out for her.

"Clare!" Jake called out at the sight of her. He smiled wide and made his way over to the trembling princess. "Our table's right here. I'll go get our drinks."

Clare didn't notice until up close that the people that remained where workers. They all wore the same black uniform and tired expressions. She guessed that once the restaurant closed down, they all relaxed and hung out there. Clare took a seat at the table Jake pointed to and removed the shawl from around her shoulders and looked around. When empty, the Dot was quite beautiful. It wasn't full of the loud, obnoxious customers, all yelling at the waiters for their food. The walls were painted aquamarine, with photographs hanging in rows across eastern wall. The western wall was all glass, looking out to the town that was sprawled out in front of it. The counter had bar stools that were mostly used by the women who came to flirt with men or the owner, Mr. Armstrong. Clare personally detested those kinds of women who went so low just for a good time.

"Hello there," a voice said. It was Jake, walking up behind Clare and sitting in front of him. He was holding two glasses of champagne; Clare recognized the scent she'd caught so many times when she passed her father's study as a child. She wasn't really in the mood to drink but accepted, taking a tiny sip. The liquid was dry and crisp along with being a tad bitter, definitely not being Clare's favorite drink. She tried not to grimace as she looked up at Jake. He was peering at her over the glass, the liquor bubbling and making Clare sick just by looking at it. She didn't like to see people drink or join them since because it brought back too many vivid memories.

When Helen left Randall many years before, he'd taken up drinking. He wouldn't settle for his nightly glass or a few sips that would leave him dizzy. He'd send a servant to buy his usual champagne or vodka bottles, the best found in the country. Clare had grown up seeing her father drunk by midnight, talking to himself and sometimes crying over Helen. At some point, though, Randall quit the drinking. Maybe it was because Jenna cried when she saw him weeping over the woman who broke his heart. Nonetheless, Clare wasn't fond of any beverage that contained the smallest hint of alcohol.

"So Clare, tell me about yourself," Jake prompted. A waiter appeared by the table and dropped off a plate of ranch dressing with baby carrots, celery, broccoli and cucumber slices.

They both reached for the same baby carrot, their fingers meeting halfway. Clare couldn't deny the electricity wave that shot through her as their skin touched, making their eyes meet as well. Jake looked shy if only for just a second. His brown eyes were set on Clare's ocean blue ones, a clash of colors that erupted in undiscovered emotions. Clare breath hitched and she looked down, blushing madly. What was it about this boy that made her feel all these things? She removed her hand from the orange vegetable and instead took a piece of celery, dipping it in the dressing and popping it in her mouth. She crunched the green vegetable with her pearly white teeth, savoring the taste that most didn't enjoy. Jake took a cucumber slice and repeated the same steps as Clare. An awkward silence befell on them, erasing the simplicity which had been present at first. Clare realized she hadn't answered Jake's request to talk about herself so she decided to begin there.

"Well you already know the basics." Clare avoided his gaze, looking down at the food. "I'm Clare Diane Edwards, Princess of the Edwards Kingdom. I turned sixteen in March. I have a younger sister, Jenna, and we live with our father, Randall. The girls I came with earlier are my best friends; Fiona, Alli, and Anya. Jenna tagged along because she's my sister, of course. I have… I have another friend, Elijah. He works in the castle grounds as a stable worker. We-We've been friends since as far back as I can remember. He's the one person I trust the most." Clare realized she'd spoken too much about Eli. Jake didn't seem to mind though, as he listened closely. "Uh, well my father a-arranged my marriage to Mark Fitzgerald. We are to be wedded on the twenty-ninth of July. My father, he wants to unite royal families and begin a new era of friendships. I'm not quite sure how marriage is a friendship though."

Jake chuckled. "I couldn't agree more. My sister, Katie, she's been in a long courtship with a prince, Adam Torres. I haven't met the guy myself but I know for a fact my parents are more than ecstatic. They think it's a wonderful opportunity for royalty and nobles to join forces. I personally think they just want wealth for their baby girl." He rolled his eyes before continuing. "I just feel it's unfair that Katie can find a perfect husband with a perfect marriage yet I can't even get a girl to notice me."

Clare giggled involuntarily. "And the ones who do notice you, such as I, are engaged."

"Exactly!" he laughed, taking a bite off a carrot. "Katie gets everything she wants because she's smart and beautiful. My father thinks it's shameful for me to be a waiter considering I'm the son of a Count. Makes no sense, in my opinion. Not that my opinion matters."

That was Clare and Jake's conversation for a while. It was the easy trading of opinions, beliefs and memories that made the evening worthwhile. Clare was actually having a good time, laughing once in a while when Jake mocked some of the most annoying kings. She'd try and talk like their wives, all fancy and obnoxious, causing more laughs to fill the space around them. When the moment came, dinner arrived. Jake got a humble chicken broth with a slice of French bread. Clare got a fancy pasta she hadn't tasted before, with angel-hair noodles and warm shrimp. It was delightful and their conversation kept on going, like the warmth on a summer's day.

It was such a carefree evening. Darkness had fallen around, and most of the workers where gone. The natural light from the sun had dissolved and was replaced by lamps and candles, lit and sending puffs of smoke around. Eating my candlelight was far too romantic for just a friendly dinner. Underneath the surface, with its ragged edges and blurry lines, there was something that clicked between Jake and Clare. She couldn't help but wish that she could be marrying this man, a count's son who didn't care for social events or fancy dinners. Not once did her thoughts revert to Eli.

That is, until she saw him.

She was taking a forkful of pasta into her mouth but stopped halfway. The fork hung in midair while Clare looked out the glass wall. Outside there was Eli, looking onto the scene folding out in front of his eyes. He had an agonized look on his face. His lips were contorted into a grimace and he was staring at them so sadly, it scared her. His eyes looked shiny and his cheeks wet. It wasn't raining so that was out of the question. His hands were dangling limply at his sides and his clothes swayed with the breeze, the old coat shaking softly.

Clare couldn't help the pained gasp that fell from her pink lips. He knew she'd be there. He knew she'd bee with Jake. Why did he come? To torture himself further? It wasn't going to fix anything.

Jake turned to look at Eli. His eyebrows furrowed and he glanced back at Clare. "Do you know him?"

"Th-That's Eli," she whispered almost inaudibly. "That's my best friend."

Jake smiled, unaware of the situation. "I'll bring him in!"

Before Clare could stop him he'd already gotten out of his chair and walked towards Eli. He made a few excited hand motions and smiled brightly. Finally he returned, Eli a step behind daggers at the back of his head. Jake pulled a chair up to their table and Eli sat down. Clare could feel him tense up. He'd never visited the Dot Café, but as far as rumors go, he knew only the best of the best ever came. He could never afford a meal but now that he was with Clare, he probably could. He didn't like owing people though.

"As you know I'm Jake," the brown-eyed boy said with a grin. "Of course, you know the lovely Clare here. It was sort of an impromptu dinner, a request from a few hours ago. I'm delighted to meet you, Eli. Clare says you're her best friend and it's quite intriguing to have you here with us."

Eli's cheeks turned red at the comment and he looked down, hiding his eyes with his dark hair. Clare smiled encouragingly even if he didn't see. This was probably the strangest dinner she'd ever had. She was supposed to be on a date but here she was, sitting next to Eli and Jake, enjoying her pasta like nothing was wrong.

"What can I get you?" Jake said, looking at Eli. "It's on the house. Anything really."

"I'm not really hungry," Eli muttered.

"Can I get you a drink then?" Jake offered.

Clare stopped eating and looked at Eli. She didn't want him to drink ever. But now here he was, soon to be taking a drink from Jake. Clare prayed silently that he'd say no, he'd refuse the alcoholic beverage.

"Uh, no thank you," Eli said. "I-I think I should get going."

"But you just got here," Clare whined.

"No it-it's getting late," he mumbled, getting off the chair and glaring at Jake. "It was nice meeting you."

"Nice meeting you too," Jake said. His smile was genuine unlike Clare's. she was honestly worried for Eli. He seemed a little off. His eyes kept zooming on certain spots on the restaurant and he seemed shaky. Whatever was going on with him, she had to find out. But she couldn't do that if she was still here with Jake.

"I'll see you around, Clare," Eli said, faking a smile and nearly running out the door before giving her a chance to answer. She was staring at her food in discomfort, not being able to take another bite.

"Is everything alright, Clare?" Jake asked, placing a hand over her own. "Your friend seemed a little strange. Did I do something wrong?"

"Not at all. I just.. I'm worried about him. He's been through a lot lately and I'm scared we're not as close as before. He's my best friend and I want to see him happy."

She didn't dare add that she was completely, irrevocably in love with him. Jake knew she was going to get married but he didn't know that the friendship Eli and Clare maintained went farther than just that. She rather not let this secret slip out, considering the fact that one else knew. The rest of their late night dinner was spent less fun than before. Conversation was harder to make and Clare felt sick by the time Jake brought her a small, chocolate covered éclair. She gave it a few small nibbles but instead pushed it aside.

"I-I should take you home," Jake murmured, retrieving all the plates from the table and walking to the back of the restaurant.

Clare felt bad for the way she was ignoring his attempt to talk. She wasn't feeling good though. There was something in the back of her mind that told her she should be home now, telling Eli what she'd found out about Julia… Or maybe he knew already. Maybe that's why he'd showed up so unexpectedly. And he wanted answers that only Clare could give, since she'd been the one eavesdropping.

"Jake, I uh…my driver is waiting outside. I'll go now. It was really nice spending time with you. I hope we can do it again." Clare was lying about the last part; Jake stared at her a lot making her a bit uncomfortable.

She didn't wait for him to answer before walking away from her table, speeding off to where her carriage awaited. The driver, Reese, was waiting outside, talking animatedly with a man around her age.

"Hello," she greeted softly.

The man turned around and smiled. "Why hello, Princess Clare. I must introduce myself; Adam Torres. I've heard so much about you from my friend, Declan."

So this was the prince who'd be marrying Katie, Jake's sister. He seemed really nice and polite, although his features were a bit feminine. Clare pushed the observation aside and smiled widely.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," she began. "I hear that you'll be marrying Katie; she's my friend's sister."

At this, Adam blushed and looked down. "Yes. My future wife. I just came back from a play with her. She sneaked in to her house through the back. I hate when she leaves without permission."

She nodded, as if understanding his situation,

"Anyways, I hear you're the fiancée of Fitz," he didn't give any sort of congratulation, instead giving her a sympathetic look. "Well, must be off before my mother kills me. It was nice meeting you Clare. Maybe sometime we can go out for coffee."

His request seemed friendly and warm, and he didn't look at her like she was a piece of meat. He seemed really nice, by far one of the nicest people Clare had met in her lifetime.

She got into her carriage and Reese drove off. She wanted nothing more than to get to the castle and sleep. But first she needed to confront Eli. Finally the horses pulling the carriage trotted into the cobble stone path that led up to the castle. Clare looked around and saw that there was many people surrounding the lawn area. There was also some government officials and what looked to be paramedics. They wore their long white coats, stained with red in some parts. Clare's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What had she missed while on her date?

"Reese, please stop here," Clare asked. She stepped off the carriage without his help and walked quickly over to the scene that lay in front of everyone's eyes.

"What happened?" she asked a nearby paramedic.

"A woman got killed by a stray bullet. We don't know where it came from but she's in grave condition. She's pregnant do that might affect her unborn child."

One person popped into Clare's mind. Julia.

Of course, something had happened which drove Eli to go looking for Clare. She should've known better than to her. It just seemed to fit awfully well. She didn't dare look at the body sprawled out in the grass, the blood stains ever-present on the green.

It as a lovely night. The air was blowing softly, creating a sweet breeze that rose the smell of orchids and roses. The stars were shining down upon the land, the moon creating a gentle light. Now as amazing as it was, tragedy stroke, leaving everyone shocked and afraid. Nothing would ever be the same.


	10. Lights Will Guide You Home

**Thank you for the reviews! Made my day and I smiled a lot, a lot, a lot! I forgot to give thanks to dramarose for helping me out a great deal in the last chapter. The Fitz and Julia encounter was all her idea and I forgot to give credit. So thank you(x100) to dramarose! ALSO! I got an awesome review: Avid Reader, who's sadly an anon, but thanks nonetheless. Keep up with the reading and if you can review. I'm sorry if I came out a bit, um, forceful? I just feel like no one's reading. Gosh now I'm blabbing. Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer, I don't own Degrassi.**

_**When you get what you want, but not what you need.**_

Throughout the Edwards Castle, an air of misery and sadness hung over the residents' heads. Julia Fields wasn't the most charming of the girls that worked and lived there, but she was still part of the family. She wouldn't be missed exactly, more like her mere memories brought back haunting thoughts and the image of her painful end. You see, Julia didn't die a normal death. She was far too young for a stroke or heart attack. She was in perfect health. She was fine, well as fine as you can be when you're an over-stressed pregnant woman. Julia was shot. A stray bullet from a hand gun. It landed in her abdomen, piercing through the womb where her unborn child was. But that wasn't the reason why her eyes closed for the last time at midnight. No, no, Julia died because of poisoning. The doctors examining her body for a closer inspection found a trace of some deathly herb. She'd died a painless death, with the exception of an ache because of the bullet.

Now three days later, there was few people at her funeral service. Her mother, Ann Marie, was sobbing uncontrollably into a cloth. Her husband, Anthony, was trying his hardest to stop the tears that were threatening to fall from his gray eyes. Julia's younger sister, Emily, was crying at her mother's side and kept moaning through sobs, "Jules, why did you go?" Julia's ceremony was held at the village church and her modest, wooden coffin was sitting at the front of the tiny place. Randall Edwards had paid for the service, saying it was his responsibility since he'd grown close to her family. He hadn't been able to attend the service but he sent Jenna and Clare in representation. The two girls were sitting in the back, holding each other's hands in their matching black, silk dresses. The Goldsworthy's sat in the church pew to their left, Cece crying a bit and Bullfrog giving nothing away with his stony expression. Eli was emotionless, staring emptily at the front of the church. There was a sea of black moving through the rows of pews, some crying and some whispering. One f Julia's closest friends, Marisol, kept crying and pointing at Eli, saying it was his fault through the sobs that racked her thin body. Ten year-old Emily got the hint and yelled at Eli profanities that shouldn't have come from a child's mouth. Cece grasped Eli's hand and cried even more.

Clare wasn't sure she wanted to stay any longer. It'd be rude to just walk out in the middle of the ceremony but she couldn't stand the eyes that stared at her like she was responsible. The eyes belonged to Anne Marie. She was a thin woman with the exact same features as Julia except with worry-lines and creases around her lips. She was glaring at Clare and sobbing. The anger was evident even through her puffy, tear rimmed eyes. Her husband was holding her back and Clare could swear she saw the woman mouth, "It was you, Clare Edwards," and point straight at her face.

Clare definitely wanted to leave this place. She usually enjoyed an opportunity to visit the house of God, but this wasn't the perfect time. Obviously everyone around was grieving while she was just paying her respects to a family who didn't want them.

"Jenna," Clare murmured, "I think it's time for us to go."

Jenna's skin was pasty and her eyes were a dull gray. Those very same eyes were glued to the coffin up at the front of the chapel. She looked lifeless though Clare couldn't understand why. She pinched Jenna's arm and the latter winced.

"What is it?" Jenna hissed through her teeth. She smiled at someone who passed by them and turned glaring at Clare.

"I said that it's time to go." Clare looked annoyed and crossed her arms over her chest, trying to look like she meant business.

"I'm not going," Jenna announced. When Clare looked at her confused, she replied simply, "Julia was my friend. I have to be here for her."

Clare couldn't believe it. How could her sister - so judgmental of others and nosy - didn't have any sort of idea who Julia was? Surely they would've had to talk about Julia's pregnancy or Fitz. Was Jenna a traitor?

"What?" she asked again, fixing her blonde waves. "Look, I know that you and Julia didn't get along but she was my best friend. I trusted her and she trusted me. She meant a lot to me and believe it or not, I want to be here. She's gone now and…I just have to be here, Clare-bear. Understand it. If you don't want to stay, then leave without causing a scene. As if you hadn't already with her sister pointing at you.."

Clare glared at Jenna but sat back, staring at the coffin. It was paid for by Randall as well. She couldn't believe how generous people were being. _If only they knew the kind of trash Julia was_, Clare thought. She immediately scolded herself and remembered to never speak ill of the dead. It was a hard task but she couldn't stop thinking that Julia deserved what she got. She was snapped out of her thoughts when a finger harshly tapped her shoulder.

Clare turned around to see Fitz looking right down at her, his cold eyes piercing through her dull ones. She had his arms crossed over his chest and no tears visible on his face. He avoided the sight at the front of the chapel, instead focusing on the confused look on Clare's innocent face.

"We need to talk," he announced, his voice hoarse as if he'd been yelling for a while. "Now. So if you would please go with me outside."

Clare didn't want to. She wanted to stay here, in the comfort and safety of the people she knew. She wanted to be close to Eli even if she couldn't offer any comfort or warmth when he most needed it. That broken boy had to be alone, his frail heart dealing with all this. His walls had crashed, crushing him underneath all this weight, concrete on feathers.

"Clare?" Fitz said, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"I-I can't," she said firmly. There was no way in hell she was going anywhere with that man when there was a possibility that…she couldn't even finish that thought without shivering. She hadn't considered this before until now. Was he capable of killing the woman who was pregnant with his unborn child? No, that was ridiculous. Fitz might be evil and all, but he couldn't do that. Right? Right.

"It's important," Fitz said, desperation lacing his voice. "Please."

"I'm sorry but this isn't the time." Clare knew she was being rude but she didn't want to be alone with him. No, no, no. even when they were near each other in a room full of people, she didn't feel safe. She felt this hate radiating off of him and it was hard to feel alright.

"Fine," he muttered deflated. "But we…we have to talk soon. It's very important for you to know-"

"Okay!" Clare nearly shouted. A few churchgoers turned to look at her, shooting dirty looks at the frustrated girl. She shot them apologetic looks and turned to Fitz, silently urging him to leave. He got the hint, sighing and walking out of the church. She saw Eli staring at her, his expression emotionless. He raised an eyebrow as if waiting for her to say something but she never did, just shaking her head slowly and turning back to looking at the front.

The service was over fairly quickly, releasing the mourner at around noon so they could head over to the cemetery where Julia would be buried. Clare headed outside right after the priest let them go on their way, giving one final prayer so that Julia's soul could rest in peace. The young, brown haired girl raced out of the sacred place over to where Reese stood holding a bouquet of white flowers which where to be given to the deceased's family. She wasn't sure they'd accept the humble offering but it wouldn't kill to try. She thanked Reese and went back inside, looking for the family who was standing up front. She took in a few deep breaths before walking up to the older man and tapping his shoulder.

"Umm…hello, I uh… I'm really sorry for your loss," Clare stuttered, looking down at her feet out of embarrassment. She hadn't really planned out what to say so now she had to come up with something out of the top of her heart. Anthony Fields looked kinder than his wife, who glared at Clare through sobs. She didn't even say thank you as Clare handed over the precious roses she'd bought at the best flower shop. In a way, Clare could understand why the woman was acting the way she was. In wasn't everyday that your eldest daughter passed away. The only thing that didn't make sense was the hate she showed towards Clare who was only trying to be polite.

"Thank you, Princess Edwards," Mr. fields said, taking the flowers from Clare and smiling faintly. "I..I'm sure Julia would've appreciated this."

Clare nodded, not sure of what to say now. They just stood there looking at the coffin at the front, the place where Julia Fields' body would spend the rest of eternity. Clare got her chance to leave when someone else gave their condolences to the family. She walked away and out of the church, catching Eli's eye on the way out. He was staring at her with an unknown expression, his emerald eyes almost pitch black. Cece had her arm wrapped around his shoulders and Bullfrog was talking quietly to her.

There was a reason why he went to look for Clare while she was on her date with Jake. He probably knew something and what if he…? No that wasn't possible. He wouldn't ever kill anyone, much less their baby. Eli might've had issues but he would never go that far. Clare was positive of that. She'd grown up with this boy and he was sweet and caring and…not capable of committing a crime like homicide. Clare mentally slapped herself for even considering this. She shouldn't have thought of that, because now as she looked at Eli, she wanted to know everything that had happened before he'd shown up at the Dot. Fitz was more capable of killing Julia than Eli was. Clare wasn't supposed to think of this, she wasn't. She had to go to the cemetery with Jenna in a few minutes. Her imagination was running wild and she had to control it.

"Let's go," she told Jenna, "Reese is waiting for us outside/ we have to start heading over to the cemetery."

Jenna complied, standing up and fixing her dress skirt. She walked ahead of Clare, bursting out the old wooden doors and into the blazing, June heat. She fanned herself with her thin hand, heading over to the carriage without Clare. The latter found this a bit strange since Jenna never went anywhere without her. Maybe Julia's death had affected her more than expected.

"Hurry up, Clare," Jenna called out behind her. "I want to get there early."

It was pointless to show up early to the burying of Julia since the family members where supposed to be at the front. Since Jenna was close friend's with Julia, maybe they'd be up front, watching as they lowered the casket into the cold, dark ground. _Being dead doesn't look as pleasant as some imagine_, Clare thought to herself. She wondered what were the last thoughts that ran through Julia's head. Was she thinking of her child, who she'd leave on Eli's doorstep once it was born? Was she thinking of Eli himself and how she'd play out her plan with Fitz? Or was she thinking of Fitz and their love that seemed to be so wrong yet so addicting? Clare didn't know - and she never wanted to. A call from the dead might scar her for life, leaving her traumatized.

And then…what if she was at fault for something that happened? It wasn't accurate but instead a thought that managed to sneak into her mind, making her feel sick.

"What's wrong?" Jenna asked when they were in the carriage, each on their own side of the velvety bench. The younger girl was biting her manicured nails and looking out the small window.

Clare shrugged. She wanted to go back in time before things got complicated and she had to worry about deaths and forever. Back when the only things on her mind where reading the books Professor Dawes assigned and visiting Eli late at night. Those used to be her only preoccupations but now she had to think about a wedding, a murder, and the love that could never be. Her head was aching and spinning, her stomach knotting and twisting.

"You look sick," Jenna declared, looking at her sister straight in the eye. "Maybe you should go to the doctor on the way back."

Clare pressed a hand weakly to her clammy forehead, ignoring the pain that was becoming impossible to ignore. "I…maybe I should."

"Ever since that ball at the Coyne's you've been acting strange and looking sick." Jenna shrugged. "I'm just looking out for you because you're the only person left that I can count on now that Julia…" She trailed off, looking out the window again and taking a deep breath. "I just really miss her, you know? She was the best friend I could've ever asked for."

"When did you become friends with her?" Clare asked out of curiosity.

Not that long ago. We started talking one day and well it we got along. She said she really wanted to be friends with both of us but you weren't really looking to make friend. Rude of you, don't you think?" Jenna glared at Clare but continued. "Anyways, she always wanted to talk. I invited her up to my bedroom chambers a couple of times. For her birthday three days ago, I gave her a necklace and you should've seen the excitement on her face. She didn't wear it though, because she was afraid they'd think she stole it."

Clare nodded and a thought suddenly formed in her mind. What if Julia had become friends with Jenna to find out more about her? Her mind was spinning even more with the realization. She wasn't sure if it was possible, but if it was then the friendship was a lie.  
>"We're here, ladies," Reese announced from the front, jumping off the seat to open the doors. Both girls stepped out, looking around to see the cemetery gates reading <em>Rosemary Hill Cemetery<em> in the iron. The gates were pushed open, a trail leading inside. There was large willow trees in certain sections and Clare could see some of Julia's relatives by a grave t the south of the land. They walked in, side-stepping through the gravestones and dead flowers. Names engraved in stone passed by them, flying along with words like _Loving Father _and _We'll Miss You, Angela. _Cemetery's were depressing along with cold even if it was summer. The sun was hidden behind gray clouds, the rays shining down upon another part of town. Off in the distance, lush, green mountains were noticeable, casting shadows down upon the land.

"Walk faster," Jenna demanded, nearly running through the graves until she reached Julia's family.

"I'm walking as fast as I can," Clare said through her gritted teeth. "Go on ahead if you please, she was your friend anyway."

Jenna rolled her eyes and walked up to the family, flashing a smile and then mourning with them. Clare thought it was ridiculous how she could act like nothing was wrong one second and then be sad over her friend's death the next. She walked to her sister's side and looked down at the dark space in the grown where Julia would be buried.

She turned when she saw a hearse grumbling over to them on the large trail, the driver slowly pulling up to the grave. He opened the back downs, sliding out the coffin. Mr. Fields and another man carried out the casket, laying down on the door ground before other men came to lower it into the space adjacent to it. Clare couldn't help but shed a few tears as they lowered her into the earth, giving her up to another world because she no longer belonged with the living. She wiped away the tears quickly, looking up and catching Eli's eye once again. He was holding Cece's hand and weeping freely, whimpering as they lowered the casket lower deeper into the soil. The parents threw in white roses - the very same ones Clare gave to them - and said a final prayer. Julia's soul would rest in peace.

Finally the time passed and it was time to head on home. Clare wanted to talk to Eli so badly so she caught his arm by the entrance. She pulled him aside by the large trees and hid behind a tree trunk. When she finally looked at him he was still sobbing. His emerald eyes were shiny and the skin around them was puffy and red. She pulled him into her arms without a second thought, holding him while he cried into her shoulder. They didn't speak for a while, the only noises heard where whimpers escaping his chapped lips.

"We have to go," she said, breaking the silence with a rough whisper. She pulled away, looking into his eyes, getting lost in the eternal pools of jade.

`"I don't want you to leave me." He pulled her in for another hug, holding her close to his chest, her warmth engulfing him in an ocean of kindness.

"I'll never leave you, I swear," Clare said, breathing deeply and avoiding his eyes.

She knew that her promise couldn't last. Why? Because at some point she had to leave him behind. And that'd be once she married Fitz. People always think about tomorrow but they don't live for now. Clare was learning slowly that she had to stop worrying about what tomorrow would bring and live for the moment. The moment was right now, here with Eli holding her like there was nothing else out there. Their love was going to live for the moment because honestly, that was all they had.

"We should get back," Eli mumbled, pulling away from Clare and walking backwards until he reached the entrance of the cemetery. He turned around and came face to face with Jenna. She was glaring up at him and tapping her foot. Clare swallowed; her sister didn't know that her and Eli where…well friends. And catching them like this, awfully close and smiling shyly, wasn't the best way for her to find out. Clare tried stepping in front of Eli and explaining but Jenna just walked away, shaking her head and mumbling profanities under her breath. Clare caught a few words calling her a backstabber but didn't understand why. Then it hit her. Eli was Julia's boyfriend. Technically ex-boyfriend now that she was dead, but it still looked wrong for hr to be with him after only hours of her death.

"Tonight, I'll go visit you," Eli whispered, walking away before giving Clare a chance to answer. She looked at him, his fast pace keeping an even farther distance between them. Clare sighed, refusing to cry at the sight of him walking away from her as if it was the last time. She returned to the carriage, hoping to get home and relax for a while.

.

.

.

Clare's wish for relaxation was possible because as soon as she returned to the castle with Jenna there was a letter addressed to her in curvy hand-writing. She ripped open the envelope on the way up to her chambers. A small piece of paper fell out, with an complex drawing of a…wedding dress. So this was from Helen, or as she was now called, Helena.

_Dearest Clare,_

_I know you probably hate me with a passion. You have every right to do so and I won't argue if you never want to speak to me again. But I would like to invite you for coffee tonight at The Dot. My stepson works there, Jake, and he can arrange a table for us. I'd like to catch up with you and be the mother that I refused to be years ago. Please take this into consideration. I love you. -Helen._

Clare sighed. On top of all her problems, her mother was still trying to keep in contact when it was her who left. She wanted to see her mother again and no, not to catch up and have tea time like if she was a little girl again. She wanted revenge as sick as it sounded. Yes, it was her mother, the same woman who gave birth to her. But it was also the woman who stopped giving a damn years ago. It was the same woman who now claimed to have a perfect live. Well she could stay with her happiness, but not before Clare gave her a piece of her mind. There wasn't an exact date on the invitation but she figured she might as well get ready. Maybe Helen was still punctual as before.

The girl went to take a bath, slipping off her heavy black dress and stepped into the warm water. She relaxed for a while, letting the vanilla-scented bubbles waft up her nose and calmed her nerves.

.

.

The sun was setting behind the trees. Night hadn't fallen yet, but the pink and orange streaks in the sky were noticeable. In the Edwards castle, you could sense the tension drifting off the walls like heat. Since Julia's death there was something off, like everyone was expecting her spirit to come back and haunt everyone who'd ever bothered her. There certainly where people who bothered her; Sadie had once spilled orange juice on the girl's dress and Cece had called her hair ugly once. The only person who wasn't the least bit scared was Clare. She knew she hadn't done anything to Julia even if the hate was mutual. She didn't worry about being haunted because when it came to ghosts she was on the skeptical side. All she had to worry about for today was going to meet her mother.

She left at around six o'clock, walking down the front steps of the castle and heading straight for her carriage. It was hers because she was the only one who ever used it since Jenna hardly ever left the castle alone. This reminded her about her father, who she hadn't seen in the past day. She worried about him sometimes, how he never left the castle, instead sending people to do his job for him. He could've been sick but she rather not ask because that always brought trouble.

She arrived at the Dot fairly quickly, leaving the carriage and patting one of the horses' mane on her way to the entrance. She looked around the restaurant for her mother but found no one. Then she remembered that _Jake_, of all people, was Helen's stepson. Which made him her stepbrother…

Clare made her way over to the bar, looking for Jake but found no one. She finally caught sight of her mother in the opposite corner. She was talking animatedly to a man in some fancy attire that Clare didn't recognize from around here. She thought,_ So that's her husband._

Helen caught Clare's eye and smiled widely motioning for her daughter to walk forward. Clare had no option but to do so, her hands sweating and her knees trembling. She was glad no one could see the shaking of her legs under her pale, yellow dress.

"Clare!" Helen exclaimed, racing to meet with her daughter, pulling her into a bone-breaking hug.

The motherly warmth swept her off her feet, making her realize that she really did need her mom. The woman did hurt her, making her cry for nights. But this simple hug, it cured everything. Their arms fit perfectly around each other, the comfort making Clare's mind spin. If there was one thing she wanted, was for this moment to last forever. When they finally pulled away, Helen's eyes were rimmed with tears as well as her daughters.

"Let's talk, baby girl," she whispered. "We have forever to do so."

And they talked for what did seem like forever. Helen introduced Clare to her new husband, David, who left so that the two women could talk in private. Clare opened up about her fears and the hate she held for Helen up to a few moments before. Helen explained it up to a certain point; being in love didn't mean being with the wrong person. She left Randall because that unhappiness was taking over her life. She also revealed a secret no one else had known: Randall was abusive. He would always yell at her for no reason. Getting her pregnant with the future heir was his number one priority but once she gave him two daughters, he became far more angry. Helen told Clare how Randall never wanted daughters, saying he'd have to give them up to some bastard years from now when he was being the same person he wanted his daughters to avoid. It was an emotional two hours. Clare still didn't understand why Helen left but the older woman argued, "That's a conversation for a different day."

For once in a long time, Clare was looking forward to tomorrow. She wanted to keep talking to her mother, the woman who resembled her in almost all aspects. There was still something nagging her in the back of her mind. Something seemed off but she rather not pursue the subject. For now, everything was fine.

**Thank you for reading! This chapter is kinda boring, I believe, but it's like a filler chapter. I'm sorry for the lack of drama and well fun. It was boring :/ my apologies. Please, if any of you have ideas, I'll be glad to take them. I've already taken into consideration one idea for Clare's future. ;) I won't reveal what it is but you'll see. Thank you again and I'll update in…well you'll see. Adios!**


	11. Even In Death I'll Love You So

The moon was at it's highest point in the dark sky. Clare was about to step onto the carriage when her mother's firm hand took hold of her forearm. The girl turned to look at her mother, who was starring at her with concern. She didn't blame her; after all the older woman knew everything about Clare's complicated marriage arrangement and her secret meetings with her close friend. Clare had been careful about giving names out because she knew Jake was Helen's stepson and things might end badly between herself and Jake. She didn't want her mother to know Eli was her lover because the woman wasn't very fond of the stable boy since he'd once pushed Jenna into a puddle and the younger girl had fallen. Ever since that day, Helen referred to Eli as 'that boy.' Clare waited for her mother to speak, her dark blue eyes piercing through her mother's walls.

"Clare…if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to let me know," Helen began, loosening her grip on Clare's arm. "I know that it'll be hard for you to gain that trust in me again but I want to be here for you, no matter what."

Clare smiled and nodded.

As she climbed onto the carriage, she couldn't fight the feeling that something was awfully wrong. She couldn't pinpoint it but it was there, nagging at the back of her mind and eating away at her insides. She didn't mind all the attention she was getting from Helen' on the other hand she was showering in the glory of being back with her mother. Even her mother's new husband, David, seemed like a nice man, hardworking, polite and kind. Maybe…what bothered Clare were the revelations that her mother made about her relationship with her father. Clare had no idea Randall didn't want her and Jenna. He had always been so loving, if only a bit distant when it came to spending time with the girls. Otherwise, he was always a good father. Clare couldn't remember a single time when he didn't treat them right. She figured that Randall had changed for the better so no point in living in the past. She sighed contently and looked out the window, seeing the castle come into view.

As soon as the carriage stopped, Clare jumped out, nearly racing to the stables where she was almost sure that Eli was at. Where else could he possibly be at, especially after everything that had happened. She wasn't quite sure why she wanted to talk to him when all he might want to do is mourn but she walked confidently up to the stables and knocked on the wooden door.

"What?" Eli snapped from the other side of the door, his voice hoarse and tight.

"It's me, Clare," she whispered, hoping he wouldn't refuse her entrance.

"Can you…leave?" he muttered annoyed.

"Eli…I want to be with you here," she begged. "Please.."

He sighed, "F-Fine."

She opened the door carefully and followed the glow of a single candle deeper into the stables than she'd been in a long time. The wooden floor creaked under her weight and she looked through the shadows, trying to find Eli. He was curled up near a storage cabinet near the back, holding onto what seemed to be a cloth belonging to a child.

"This was mine when I was a baby," he whispered as Clare carefully inched closer to him, dropping to her knees and placing a gentle, reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Cece gave it to me…when she found out that Jules…was p-pregnant. Even if that baby wasn't mine…I-I wanted to take care of it.. I wanted to be the dad so badly."

Clare felt a pang in her chest. Eli loved Julia even if she hurt him a lot more than imaginable. Eli was such a kind, caring man that he would put this child's life before his own even if it had a father of it's own. The mother of the unborn baby might've been evil, malicious and a terrible person but that didn't mean that Clare had to hate it. She then remembered the conversation she'd overheard days before, not having a moment alone with Eli until now.

"Eli…I heard Julia and Fitz talking the day of her…passing," Clare whispered awkwardly, not sure how to say it. Her deep blue eyes searched Eli's face for any sort of resentment but found none.

"What did they say?" Eli asked hollowly.

Clare told him everything she'd heard, not leaving out a single detail. She explained Fitz and Julia's careful plans for a future. The way Julia would leave her child for Eli to raise. It was a chilling tale of a mother who could put aside her duties as just that and leave with a man who wasn't even her husband. Clare's voice shook with every word that escaped her lips. She couldn't stop the image of Julia's corpse from popping into her mind. It was just too vivid and she hadn't told anyone this either, about finding the deceased young woman that very night.

"Eli," Clare began, "Why did you go look for me that night? Was there something you wanted me to know?"

He looked down shyly at her, his green eyes burning holes into her blue ones. She wasn't sure what she wanted to hear but it had to be something less scary than seeing a dead body sprawled out on a lawn.

"That night…Clare I killed Julia," Eli whispered, grasping Clare's hand in his own, preventing her from making a fast escape. She was trapped and wanted to leave, just to leave, and never hear those words ever again. She forced herself to keep calm and look at him like nothing was wrong, but that didn't work out, seeing as how Eli was looking at her for a response.

"What?" Clare said shrilly, trying to keep her voice down but at the same time wanting to be heard.

She couldn't believe her ears. Eli Goldsworthy killed Julia Fields in her own home? Just a few hundred feet from her balcony. Oh god, this was the worst horror story to have ever crossed her path. She didn't know what to do now. Was she to report Eli to her father so he could be locked up forever? Should she keep this to herself so that Eli wouldn't go to prison?

"I killed her!" Eli laughed maniacally, tossing his head back and letting out a horrific laugh. His eyes were looking around crazily and his lips were turned up into a huge smirk. "Clare…I killed that woman! Don't you get it? I'm a murdered."

"Eli!" Clare screamed, mostly to get his attention; he seemed to be off in another world, convinced her killed Julia. "Please tell me why you killed her."

"Don't you see?" Eli said gently. "I drove her back into the arms of Fitz. I pushed her away with my neglect. That very same night…I told her I wanted to talk to her. We met by the woods…and she told me she loved me and wanted to make me happy. Clare, I told her I hated her. I told her I was tired of trying to be someone I'm not. She said she wanted Fitz back even if she loved me because I clearly want you! She knew all along that I loved you. And then…she threatened to kill herself if I walked out on her and the baby. I just…I told her to go ahead. She took out this-this little vial thing with some clear liquid. She said it was poisonous and it'd kill both her and the baby. I didn't listen. I just walked away and called her so many things and she kept threatening to drink it, drink it, drink It. She said if I didn't want her then I'd have to live with the guilt of her death. She drank it…and I thought she was kidding about it being dangerous. So I walked away. I rode into town and tried looking for you. But…you were on your goddamn date! And with Jake Martin. You know he's no good news, right? He obviously doesn't love you like I do. Because I love you, Clare! I love you - and you love me! I-It's perfect because…because…we-we…"

His voice was drowned out by terrible sobs that left his plump lips. He looked so vulnerable, clutching Clare's arm as his last resort to save his miserable life. It took the young girl by surprise to see him like this but she didn't hesitate in comforting him. She held him in her arms, his head leaning on her chest as his body was sprawled out in a suggestive way over hers. Clare could hear the loud pitter-patter of the rain on the roof of the stables; she couldn't believe she had been here long enough for the predicted storm to arrive. She didn't let go of Eli as she pulled him towards the hay stack where the rain wouldn't reach them. Her heart was racing just as fast as her mind. What was she to do besides offer this little piece of shelter to the broken boy who'd been by her side through everything? She couldn't possibly leave him but at the same time, she knew he could very well be dangerous. It was a battle of decisions, a hurricane of mixed emotions but in the end the caregiver in her decided it'd be best to stay with him. She would hold him as close as humanly possible in an effort to protect him from himself. Because she knew there was something awfully wrong with her dear Eli. They way he had spoken throughout their conversation gave her clues to him not being in his right mind. He didn't kill Julia; Clare realized that he just felt so immensely responsible that he took the blame. _He'll carry this burden upon his shoulders forever, _Clare thought, stroking his soft dark locks with her thin fingers. He buried his face deeper into her neck, dripping his salty tears onto her bare skin. A reminder of the storm outside. The wooden shelter they were in wasn't much but enough for Clare. She kept brushing his hair back and whispering sweet nothing's into his ear, trying to make calm him down. Eli was plagued by demons that wouldn't let him let go of Julia's death. He took it upon himself to blame himself over and over again, even if Clare reassured him it'd all be okay. She kissed him forehead and held onto him like a baby. He was s miserable and Clare wanted to make it stop. She didn't want him to hurt but couldn't think of a single thing she could give him to make the pain go away.

An idea formed in her mind, but taking action to her thoughts might be harder than it seemed. Eli and her…they'd never talked about being _intimate_ with each other; _that_ kind of intimate. But what if it was the right time? She wanted to cheer him up so badly that giving up her purity and innocence might be the way to go. If he didn't want to, then she had to argue that if he didn't take away this then Fitz probably would on their wedding night. That would sure make him realize this was the time. And obviously the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Clare had overheard Randall saying he'd leave on a week-long trip, therefore leaving the household alone. Jenna was probably still mourning Julia so she wouldn't notice a single thing. The only problem would be…the where.

These stables weren't exactly the place where Clare imagined losing her virginity, what with the horses sleeping just a few dozen feet away. She liked the comfort this place brought, but she wasn't sure the wooden floor planks would be oh so kind to be back. The hay wouldn't offer much, but it might be worth a try. Unless..

Unless Clare took Eli up to the castle. That way they could spend their first night together in her precious chambers, all alone except for some burning candles and the scent of vanilla. It sounded so perfect, Clare ached to tell Eli.

She was ready. She'd been ready for a few months now, but wasn't sure how to propose this to Eli. He would turn her down, flat out reject her. But now, nothing stood in their way of an amazing night together. She carefully pulled away from Eli, holding his face in her hands and looking him directly in those emerald eyes, puffy from shedding so many tears. She willed herself to sound sensual and confident in hopes of being appealing to her love.

"I want to spend the night with you," she said.

Her voice brought tears to his eyes. No, they weren't tears of sadness. They were tears of pure joy. He never wanted t push her because he knew her vow to stay pure until marriage was sacred. But it meant so much that she was offering this little piece of heaven.

"Clare-"

"No." She interrupted looking him straight in the eye and kissing him lightly before pulling away. "I want to do this with you tonight. I know it's…kind of spur of the moment but I'm ready. I'm truly ready to be with you in that way. I want you to be my first and my only. I want you."

Thunder roared outside as if confirming this. Eli smirked a little at Clare's defiant look and her powerful words. Those very words that were like music to his ears, lifting all the troubles away and making them disappear. He wanted to - you have NO idea how badly he wanted to - but he wanted this moment to be for the right reasons.

"Why now?" he asked tentatively.

"It's the right time," Clare said with a soft shrug. "W-We won't get an opportunity like this ever again. Trust me when I say that the stars have aligned so that we can have this night to ourselves. My father isn't home and this thunderstorm is…a good setting." She blushed but continued. "If we don't spend the night together…then my first time will be with Fitz. And I don't want him to do that to me, with me, or whatever. I want you! Please, Eli, come with me up to my chambers. I promise it'll be worth the while.

Eli laughed silently, brushing back the tear stain on his cheek. "You make it sound like you're selling a product.. But I'll go. I really want you to be ready though… If at any time you want us to stop, we will. I don't want to pressure you into anything or make you feel forced to do something you don't want to do. It's all about you, Clare."

She smiled widely, linking her fingers with his and standing up quickly. "Come on. Let's go."

He followed her and together they ran across the large stretch of lawn that separated them from their destination. The rain was pouring down in bucketfuls, drenching them to the bone. Clare giggled at how silly they must've looked, so carefree. Her dress was heavy on her body but she ran by Eli's side. Off in the distance, between large mountaintops, they could she brilliant lightning making the dark sky shine. The raindrops were aggressive, falling on their bare skin mercilessly but they didn't care. Or maybe they didn't notice, too caught up in what would soon happen. Their feet splashed through puddles on the cobblestones underneath Clare's balcony. She climbed up the tree first, expertly since she'd done this hundreds of times as a child. Eli followed rather quickly and soon they were in the warmth of her chambers, still giggly from the trip there. Eli shook the water from his hair and Clare laughed.

"So…" he said, once they'd calmed down enough to look at each other straight in the eye.

"One second," she replied, running quietly to her door and locking it with the three locks on it. "J-Just as a precaution."

Eli smirked, noting the tremble in her voice. "Don't be scared, Blue Eyes. I don't bite - at least not yet."

Clare smiled, her face turning a deep shade of red. She bit her lip and walked a little closer to him, still keeping a distance. She couldn't believe she was about to do this! In her room. In her home. With her sister sleeping just a few doors down the hall. It was just too surreal but in a good way. The way Eli looked at her made her positive this was perfect and nothing could ever be any better.

"Are you ready?" he whisper, at her side in two long strides. His warm breath tickled her ear and she moaned unconsciously, "Yes. I'm ready."

They got rid of their heavy, wet clothing, dropping it by the side of the huge bed.

Shy touches. Soft moans. Gentle whispers. Inevitable pain. Unforgettable pleasure.

Good thing the thunder was loud, a background theme song to their love making. It was the perfect night, the one Clare had been awaiting patiently all her life.

.

.

.

The sun peeked into the chambers, casting its warm rays onto the sleeping pair. He had his arm carelessly wrapped around her waist and he r face was nestled into his neck. She breathed in his sweet, masculine scent, not wanting to wake him but wanting to hear him speak. She traced constellations on his tan skin, her fingers wandering up and down his chest and up his neck, taking twists and turns around his nose and lips and eyes.

Those closed eyes that reminded her that no matter what happened they'd make it through. After that special night, things might just turn out alright. She didn't regret a single thing as he might've predicted instead enjoying every moment of it and wishing it could last forever. She wasn't shy anymore in that night of passion and it thrilled her to even think there might be more to come. She sighed contently, arousing him from his light sleep.

"Wh-What's going on?" he asked groggily, yawning and rubbing his eyes.

"Hello sleep head," Clare whispered, giving him a small peck on the lips.

He blinked a few times before noticing they were naked except for her bed sheets and duvet. He smirked lazily at the sight of Clare's messy hair and lack of make up and clothing.

"Why hello there, Miss," he whispered huskily, leaning down for a kiss that made Clare's body tingle. "How did you sleep."

"Amazing," she mumbled in between kisses. She held him close, not wanting this bliss to leave her. She just wanted to be near him, feel his warmth until…there was nothing else.

"You look beautiful." He smirked again. "And as much as I would love to admire your beauty, I think it's getting late."

He motioned to the Father clock on the opposite wall, reading well past ten am. She shot out of bed, wrapping her body in the soft silk of the sheets and walking over to her wardrobe. "Oh dear, I missed breakfast! Jenna will be mad, I know she will and -"

"Clare!" Speak of the devil. Her loud screeches where muffled through the door and she knocked rapidly. "Clare, get out of bed already!"

"Coming!" she said, ushering Eli into the bathroom along with his clothes. He grinned and ran inside, leaving Clare to fend with her sister alone.

She knew she couldn't open up the door because then she'd reveal her lack of clothes and questions would arise so she quickly slipped on a nightgown from the night before and dashed to the door, opening it up to find her sister looking at her suspiciously. "Good morning, sister dead, how are you in this fine day?"

"Fine, thank you for asking," Jenna said coldly, glancing into the door. "Breakfast is ready. Oh and Clare…your balcony door is open."

With a final malicious grin, Jenna departed, leaving Clare standing in the doorway dumbfounded. How could she have possibly missed that tiny little detail? Had there been anything else that Jenna had noticed? Because if there had… Clare was dead.

.

.

The girl picked at her food uncomfortable, moving the eggs and bacon around the plate.

"Not hungry, sweetie pie?" Cece asked gently, kissing the top of Clare's head.

Clare shook her head. "Not really, I guess."

How had such a night, filled with bliss and passion, turned into this awful day? Jenna had already given her a dirty look when they passed each other in the halls and she wasn't sure hw Professor Dawes would react when she heard the big news. Of course, she'd be disappointed that Clare had taken such a path for herself but there was no going back now. And you know what? She didn't regret it. Not one second of her night with Eli Goldsworthy. The only thing she wished she would've thought through where the little details left behind. Hopefully things where okay with Eli. He'd left in a hurry, muttering about getting to work but there was a slightly guilty look on his face. Did he regret it? Clare worried about this all morning long, not able to eat anything, except a few bites and drinking he glass of orange juice dry. She wanted nothing more than for Professor Dawes to arrive already and calm her worried thoughts if not offer a bit of advice. She really did look up to that woman, who turned out to be more of a mother than Helen ever was.

Helen. Would her mother care to hear of this moment in her daughter's life? Maybe. Maybe not. Clare was at crossroads on what to do, since she and Eli promised to speak of their night to no one. Breaking this rule for Professor Dawes wasn't a big deal because she confided everything in that woman and there was no way she'd let her down. Helen wasn't too fond of Eli and…she might be quick to judge, even forgetting about her own decision.

Clare's head was aching from putting so much thought into one night that she didn't notice when she drifted off to sleep. She sat in her room, her math book open to a page on binominals when the door burst open. She awake in an instant to find Professor Dawes looking at her with a tight smile. Jenna trailed behind the woman, looking around expectantly.

"Clare, I'm afraid that the session scheduled for today will be cut short," she said, her gasp on her briefcase tightening. "Someone is here to visit you, so I'll be tutoring Jenna meanwhile."

Clare's eyebrows knotted in confusion. Who could possibly be visiting her? She racked her brain for anyone but came up short.

"Mark Fitzgerald," Dawes said, glaring over her shoulder to the tall young man standing in the threshold of her chambers.

The color drained from Clare's face. She didn't want to see him…not after last night. She promised to have a word with him but not as soon as today. Not after all that. It wasn't fair how God was treating her at the moment, but then again she was beginning to doubt her faith. Clare bit her lip and nodded at Dawes and Jenna to leave, leaving her in the spacey chambers with her enemy. Any enemy of Eli's was an enemy of hers.

"What do you want?" she spat coldly, standing up and looking at him straight in the eye.

"I want you to know…that I can't marry you."

"What?" Clare gasped, a tiny smirk appearing on her pale face.

"I'm sorry, but…I love Julia," he whispered, falling onto her bed. "I love that girl even if she's dead. I love her and her unborn child. I just…I can't marry you, Clare. It's unfair to Julia."

"I understand," Clare said happily, but she toned it down, noticing Fitz's solemn face.

"I was planning on running away with her, you know," he whispered hoarsely. "But she's dead now. I just can't picture a future with someone I don't love."

"Then why did you ask me to marry you in the first place?" Clare deadpanned.

"For revenge," Fitz said nonchalantly, his gray eyes staring directly at Clare, almost as if peering into her soul. "I know Elijah loves you. Which is why I offered your dad to marry you to me. If he was happy with my Julia, then I'd be happy with his Clare. But then she died. She just died! And now…now it's pointless because my love for Julia will never reach anything."

Clare looked down. She knew the other side of the story. She knew that Julia loved Eli and not Fitz. All this was too much. She couldn't handle any more secret keeping because it wasn't he job. Maybe if Fitz knew…he'd be a little happier.. Maybe he wouldn't be so in love with a dead girl. It wasn't her job to meddle with people's lives but sometimes it's necessary.

"I have to tell you something," she said gently, praying silently that her plan wouldn't backfire.

**What? I know. I know. I'm evil for this up here. But it has to happen. : ) Anyways I'm rally sorry for taking so long. I've just had writer's block which sucks. I hope this makes up for my lack of updating. Honestly I didn't want to describe the sex scene so I just…yeah lol. Please review with your comments saying how much you hate me for being absent, it makes my day! :D**


	12. Is It Naive to Make Plans?

"Yes?" he asked, waiting for her answer.

She spun around and faced the balcony, racking her brain for any sort of excuse that could explain her previous words. No she couldn't tell Fitz what Eli had told her. She'd be betraying her one true love. It was just evil. That wasn't Clare and she wasn't about to open her mouth and reveal something that was supposed to be taken to Julia's grave.

"Uh…well…I-I don't think my father would agree with your decision," Clare blurted out. Her hands were shaking and she wiped them on the skirt of her dress. "I just think…that maybe you should talk to him about it. He might not share your opinion and I just…just talk to him."

Clare threw herself under her own train. Shouldn't she feel relieved that she wouldn't have to marry Fitz? The relief hadn't kicked in yet and she wasn't sure it would. She sighed shakily and looked out her balcony. Eli was walking with Romeo on the trail heading to the edge of the woods. He looked worn out and tired, older than his seventeen years. Clare couldn't help but feel responsible. Maybe it was because of what had happened, last night. They'd been ready, right? Of course. They grew up together and knew everything about each other and it was meant to be that way. Their love was true and she made sure he knew that. There was something that wasn't very convincing about his attitude but Clare pushed it aside.

"I guess I'll talk to Randall," Fitz said defeated. He sighed and turned around to make his way out her door. "But Clare," he turned back around, his eyes glaring icily at her, "just so you know, I still hate Elijah with every fiber in my body. And I will get my revenge even if your not involved in it."

He gave her a final smirk and departed, taking away the happiness in her morning. _Well this is a nice way to fall from heaven_, she thought. _Everything's going down and it will fall before any of us can fix it._

there was a rapid knock on her door and she rushed to open it, hoping it was Professor Dawes. She really needed to talk to her and explain everything that had happened since they last saw each other. There was so much to talk about!

"Professor Da-"

She stopped mid-sentence once she saw who stood in front of when she opened the door. It wasn't Dawes but Jenna. She was smirking devilishly and twirling with a lock of her blonde hair.

"Oh, hey Jenna," Clare said not even trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"Clare-bear!" Jenna squealed with false excitement. "What this Fitz want?" She walked into the room and dropped onto Clare's bed with a content sigh.

"Nothing," Clare lied. "He just came here to discuss some wedding details. You know, menu, church location, vows. All the fun stuff."

Her voice was dripping with sarcasm but Jenna was oblivious to it. She was staring at something on the floor by the bed and her brow furrowed. "What's this?"

She picked up a small, shiny object in her hand and twirled it in front of her, the light catching onto small crystals embedded into the metal. Clare recognized it as a ring but didn't know were it came from. Surely not from Fitz because he'd stayed by the door all the while, not even coming close to the side of her bed. She racked her brain to try and find the answer but came up short.

"This is lovely!" Jenna gushed, trying the ring on her finger and twirling it in front of her.

"It's mine," Clare blurted out, reaching for the ring. For some reason, she didn't want Jenna to have it, much less to hold it. _She might taint it_, Clare thought absentmindedly. _She might ruin it's beauty._ Clare had never been a selfish person but now she didn't even Jenna to look at the ring.

Her sister eyed her suspiciously. "How come I've never seen you wear it before?"

"I just got it yesterday." Lies, lies, lies. "I went into town later than usual and there was a jeweler's still open… I saw the ring on a window display and it's beautiful! The jeweler told me it's the only one made of it's kind. May I please have it?"

Clare extended her hand and Jenna dropped the ring onto it, reluctantly staring at her. "Why would you go into town, Clare-bear, especially so late?"

"Because of Mother," Clare declared silently, peeking at her younger sister from under her bangs. Jenna's mouth was open and she was staring at Clare like there was something in her face. Clare instinctively blushed and sat next to her.

"Jenna, she loves us," Clare whispered, wrapping an around her shoulders. "She's happy now and you have no idea everything she went through to reach that happiness. She's not proud of her actions but she can't deny being happier than she ever was when she lived with us. Her husband, David, is a sweet man and he treats her great. I don't trust her completely anymore but I think you should give her a chance."

"She left us!" Jenna argued, raising her voice. "She left us so many years ago and never looked back until now. And it's not like she came back here to find us, it was pure coincidence. I don't think I can forgive her."

"She's changed," Clare said feebly.

"No!" Jenna shrieked, launching herself off the bed and pacing around urgently. "No, Clare, that woman will _never _change. Never! I don't know what you expect but if it's for her to just waltz back into our lives, then I don't think I can be here any longer."

"What?"

Jenna closed her eyes tightly and stroked her hair softly. She hesitated before answering. "I'm supposed to marry KC in a few weeks, right after you marry Fitz. We were talking a few days ago, right before Julia…before Julia left. We…ended up fooling around and…I don't know! W-We took things too far.. Clare I wasn't ready! I did it because h-he promised it'd be okay and I'm f-falling in love w-with him. I love e-everything about him b-but he says that he loves someone e-else. We…we're getting married but I think…"

"You think what?" Clare asked anxiously. "What is it Jenna?"

"I think I might be pregnant," Jenna sobbed.

Clare took her sister in her arms and let her cry onto her shoulder. She wasn't sure about what to say. Last time she had a heartfelt conversation with Jenna was when she said she didn't really like KC. And now she might be having his baby.

"I don't know what to do," Jenna cried. "I'm so scared! God, I hate him for doing this to me. He did this!"

"Shhh," Clare said, rubbing the top of Jenna's head. She'd curled up into a ball at Clare's side.

Clare's mind was racing. She wanted to help her sister so badly. She truly loved the girl to death even if she was envious and hard to deal with at times. "Jenna…how come this is bad? If you're going to marry KC then you won't have any problems!"

"Father said we'd get married in September," Jenna explained. "That's two months away. Clare, if I really am pregnant then I'll have the baby seven months from the ceremony. Father will know something's wrong. He'll know and then I'll be damned."

"Relax, Jenny," Clare said, using Jenna's childhood nickname. "Everything will e okay, I promise. Now, why don't you go to sleep? I have a lesson with Professor Dawes but I'll come back to bring you lunch."

Jenna nodded weakly. "Fine.. I'm sorry for being so emotional. Maybe it's the stupid pregnancy hormones."

Clare smiled weakly and untangled herself from her sister's limbs. She walked out of her chambers, shutting the door behind her. She raced down the stairs and looked around the foyer to see if Dawes was still there. Surely enough she was there, sitting on a cushion bench and reading a book, oblivious to the fact that Clare was staring at her.

"Hello, Professor," Clare greeted with a smile, taking a seat next to the woman. She saw the cover of the book she was reading. Othello. Clare made a mental note to ask for a summary of the book before she left.

"Clare," Dawes said sternly. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Really? Well here I am."

Dawes stood up abruptly and nodded towards the doors that lead outside from the side of the castle. "Come, we'll talk outside."

Clare followed her intently. Usually Dawes hated being mysterious, unless she was mad. Clare hadn't given her any reason to be angry so she was a tad confused. She followed either way, carefully walking out the door behind Dawes. They walked to the castle's garden and sat on the iron chairs, neither of them saying a single word. Clare just wanted to ask what had happened to make things change between them. She felt uncomfortable near Dawes, something that never happened.

"Clare, would you mind telling me were you where last night?" It wasn't a request though; more of a demand.

"How do you know I wasn't home?" Clare asked incredulous.

"That's beside the point," Dawes replied, tapping her fingers on the tabletop.

"Professor, I went to visit my mother," Clare said gently, wondering why Dawes was acting so mysterious. It just made no sense.

"Clare, there's something you're not telling me," Dawes sighed.

"Professor, I don't know what you're talking about," Clare said honestly because she truly was lost in the conversation.

"Jenna told me you had someone in your bedroom chambers last night," Dawes said.

Clare blushed a deep shade of red and looked down, biting her lip and trying not to burst out laughing. So this was what Dawes had been so worried over? Seriously, silly was an understatement. She blew it out of proportions instead of just asking Clare straightforward.

"You know you can trust me," the professor said gently, placing a hand over the younger girl's. "Where you with Eli?"

Clare looked down and nodded. She avoided eye contact out of embarrassment. She didn't really feel comfortable talking about certain subjects with Dawes, who was like a mother.

"I know that this is probably the strangest conversation you've ever had," Dawes said with a laugh, "so I won't ask for any details. I'm just worried, you know. You're like the daughter I wish I had. I want you to know that I'm here for you."

"Thank you." Clare smiled warmly, thankful to know that she had someone by her side. Dawes had really proved herself to be trustworthy and it made Clare glad to know she hadn't disappointed at least one person.

The lesson went on as planned, with Clare finally ending Romeo and Juliet once and for all. Dawes gave her a small quiz on the play that involved many of her own opinions. Clare now had to study Edgar Allen Poe's famous poem, 'The Raven.' It would be a challenge but one that Clare could handle. They talked all about Helen and Dawes was happy to know that Clare believed in forgiveness and second chances. It was a conversation that just made Clare happy.

Happy, a word she hadn't used in a while. The previous night with Eli brought every single emotion possible to the surface, but the morning's events didn't make it that memorable. Just picturing Fitz in her room made Clare's stomach turn.

"Well I guess I'll see you in a week," Dawes said gently. "Take care of yourself, Clare."

She nodded and walked inside, watching Dawes' little silhouette fade into the distance. By the time she returned to the castle, it was noon and lunch was being served. She walked into the kitchen to find Cece chopping carrots and preparing a steaming broth.

"Clarabelle!" Cece exclaimed. "Lovely to see you!"

"Likewise," Clare said, kissing Cece's cheek. "How are you?"

"Fine, fine," Cece said with a sigh. "Extremely busy all this week. Your father just arrived and he's ordering some caterers to come bring samples for your wedding. It's three weeks away but he wants everything to be perfect."

Clare's throat closed up. She thought that Fitz had handled that. Apparently not if her father thought the wedding was still on.

"Baby girl, don't you worry about a thing," Cece said gently pulling Clare close and wrapping her fingers around Clare's hands. "You just head on out to the dining room and I'll bring lunch in a second. Don't worry about a thing."

Clare allowed herself to be gently pushed into the dining room and sat on a chair on her father's left.

"Glad to see you here, Clare," Randall said with a chuckle. "I thought you'd left for town, or maybe you'd gone to visit Helen." Before Clare could answer, Randall had laughed and explained, "I know Helen's back in town and with her husband. Don't worry I won't make a scene. She can even come to your wedding.. Oh and speaking of your wedding, did you know that Mark wanted to cancel everything? I have no idea what came over him! He came to me as soon as I arrived and asked me if it was okay to just cancel the ceremony! I told him no of course, because I know how much this means to you, Clare-bear. He's not a man of his word but we'll see what happens."

Clare's heart felt. Fitz had kept his promise of talking to Randall but it was Randall himself who refused to cancel the wedding. She was hoping that he'd see how wrong Fitz was for her but he refused to let light shine upon him. It was unfair but Clare wasn't going to argue. She'd come to terms that she wouldn't ever be truly happy.

"now let's talk wedding plans!" Randall announced, talking a big gulp of wine.

.

.

.

The moment had arrived for Clare and Fitz's wedding. After almost a months of preparations and planning, the day had come for Clare and Fitz to be united. The wedding was to be held in the huge Edwards' lawn, with flowers everywhere and doves to be released once the vows where said. Everyone was in a hurry, running around halls and preparing the food. In her bedroom chambers, Clare sat in a satin white dress glaring out the balcony window which overlooked the scene that would soon come. She didn't feel beautiful even though Cece, Helen, and Jenna told her so countless times. She felt horrible. The dress was uncomfortable and the veil itched. The train of the dress was far too intricate for her taste and she felt it might rip if she stepped on it. Her hair was piled neatly on her head, curls falling behind her face. Every single time she looked in a mirror her eyes watered. The moment had arrived. A few weeks ago it seemed centuries away but now here she was, dressed in white and waiting for the moment for her life to end.

"Clare you look amazing," Fiona said, running a hand through her curls. Alli, Jenna, Anya and herself wore matching blue dresses that fell in waves down their bodies. They all looked lovely and Clare envied them. Today was their day to have fun and they had no commitments ahead of them.

"Thank you," Clare murmured.

Women rushed in and out of Clare's room, complementing her dress and fixing her bouquet. Clare couldn't care less. She just had to put on a happy face once she saw the lawn. She had to fake a love that was never there in the first place. She'd practiced this plenty with Professor Dawes so it wouldn't be a problem.

"Smile a little," Jenna whispered, hugging her by the waist ans laughing. "This is the day you've been waiting for."

_Or dreading_, Clare thought.

Jenna didn't know if she was pregnant or not yet. She stopped worrying a while ago since her own wedding had been moved to a month before the original date. This seemed to cheer her up, if only slightly. Maybe she was just putting on a happy face for her sister.

"Look, just smile and it'll be over before you know it," Jenna whispered sympathetically, prancing away to Alli's side to apply more eye-shadow.

Clare sighed. She gave up a long time ago. On her happiness. On Eli. On everything. All that was left to do was to go on with this ceremony.

"Clare, you look dazzling," Helen noted, giving her shoulder's a squeeze and walking away.

that's what everyone did; they completed and left. No one stuck around to hear Clare talk about being unhappy because everyone refused to see that. Every single person just went on with their day, preparing the final details. The ceremony would be in twenty minutes and time was running out.

"Clare!" Anya called ut. "Eli's here to see you."

Clare had told him not to visit her. She also warned him it'd be best if he didn't attend the wedding, but as always Eli was being stubborn. He promised her he'd be waiting for her always.

"Clare," a soft voice sang in her ear. "I love you. Now get out there and blow everyone's mind."

It was that little push that propelled her forward. She had the strength she needed to go on. All thanks to Eli.

**This sucked. Please review. It'd mean the world to me. : )**


	13. Two Is Better Than One

_How do I get away, when you're begging me to stay? What do you need me to say? You're anything but ordinary. What do you want me to do? I've given it all to you. I wish you would return the favor. _  
>.<p>

The familiar wedding song started being played by the orchestra Randall hired. That was Anya, Alli, Fiona, and Jenna's cue to start making their way down the path that divided the crowd into two sides on the lawn. There was about a hundred people on either side, distant family member from both families, or friends that neither had spoken to until now. The wide grass path was covered in white rose petals that seemed to be taken fresh of their stem. Everyone admired the beautiful flower arrangement that were placed at the end of the rows of chairs. At the front stood Fitz in his best clothing he ordered from England. He didn't look too happy, although he was smiling weakly. Next to him stood Eli. It might be torture to see the woman of his life wed another man but he wanted to be there for her. Randall had ordered Eli's clothing and he made a fine young man with a charming smirk on those full lips. His green eyes glittered as he saw the procession of women begin. First in the lead was Anya, smiling brightly and walking quickly, followed by Alli who tripped over her feet. No one seemed to notice though, and she was eternally grateful. Jenna followed and shocked whispers ran through the crowd. The youngest Edwards girl seemed a bit…pregnant. Many argued that she could've just gained some weight while some gossipers just assumed she was pregnant with an illuminate son. Fiona brought up the rear, smiling softly at the crowd. The music played on and on until two figures stepped from the front steps of the castle. There was many smiles and proud looks. Clare wore her fine dress, her curves accentuated by the soft, silk waves. Her reddish-brown hair blew with the wind, but still managed to look perfect atop her head. She had her arm looked with Randall's. He looked a bit teary but smiled nonetheless.

Cece Goldsworthy looked at the girl who had become like a daughter to her. She was the sweetest, most compassionate woman she'd ever seen. Always hoping she'd end up with her son, Cece's heart broke at the sight of her walking to the altar to another man. She couldn't change the way life had worked out but hoped that the future brought something happier. Helen was thinking just about the same thing. She wanted to see her daughter enjoying her life while she was still young. After Clare told Helen everything that had happened with Eli - and when I say everything, I mean every single detail - Helen believed that Eli wasn't more of a perfect fit. They were like each other's missing puzzle pieces. Fate had other plans for them, though, as painful as it may be.

Eli couldn't take his eyes off of Clare. She looked beautiful and somehow his imagination ran wild. He dreamt there was less than ten people here and Fitz wasn't the groom. He dreamt Randall would soon give him Clare's hand as a symbol of unity and give them his blessing. But no, that wasn't reality. In reality, he was the best man and next to him was the man he despised more than anyone in the world.

Clare seemed to be enthralled by him, staring intently with her deep blue eyes and trying to decipher his calm expression. He was exploding inside, bombs and grenades going off because he knew his façade wouldn't last forever. He might even leave the reception early because he didn't want to see Fitz with his Clare.

Finally Randall and Clare reached the altar. Clare's eyes glistened with tears but she pushed them away, instead focusing on the priest in front oh her.

"We are here to join Clare Diane Edward and Mark James Fitzgerald in holy matrimony," the priest began.

The ceremony went on as expected with the ring bearers handing the rings and finally the vows were said. Randall had arranged for Professor Dawes to write the vows for Clare and Fitz since their love wasn't true. Anyone could see right through their lies though; it was evident they were hardly friends. As the said the words - "I promise to love you no matter what life puts us through. You will always be in my heart, mind and soul. I wish to spend the rest of my existence surrounded by your love and care.-" - Clare wasn't looking at Fitz, but behind him. Eli stood there purposefully, giving her his signature smirk. It was an act though, because inside his world was falling apart. Dawes had meant for her vows to be directed at Eli since she knew the origins of Clare's love. Fitz's vows were much less romantic and passionate as anyone could see - "I promise to care for you and understand you. I will never hurt you, far less put you in any danger. If forever s a long time, then I'll take care of you for the longest time God permits me to do so."

The moment arrived when the priest said to the guests, "Speak now or forever hold your peace."

Eli wanted to push Fitz aside and tell him to burn in hell. He wanted to capture Clare in a kiss and not give a damn what the high society believed. He wanted to run off into the sunset holding her hand and promising everything. He couldn't though. He just stood there, looking at the ground and avoiding Clare's eyes.

No one spoke. You could hear the birds chirping intently in the green trees. The July sun was beating down on everyone but there wasn't a single complain. The priest continued, finally reaching the end, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

A loud applause erupted in the rows of people. Eli even clapped, although much weaker than the rest. He felt faint and a bit sick. He didn't want to see them kiss because newlyweds always kissed at the end of the ceremony. He didn't want to hurt.

As if reading his very thought, Fitz leaned in - but instead of kissing Clare right on the lips as everyone expected, he kissed her forehead gently. There was disappointed cheers from everyone but he simply shrugged. Eli was grateful for that but it didn't mean he was all that happy with Fitz.

Randall walked to the altar and wrapped an arm around Clare's shoulder. Fitz reluctantly wrapped an arm around her waist but didn't bring her closer to hid body.

"Thank you all for joining my family in this beautiful ceremony," Randall said, smiling warmly. "I never dreamt this moment would come when my little girl would get married but here it is.. Now, I don't know about you but to me it seems like the rain will be pouring down on us soon. Remember the reception starts at five pm but you may stay here in one of our ballrooms. It's already two pm anyways. If you wish to go home and freshen up, don't be afraid to do us. You'll be welcomed back whenever. Thank you all again!"

There was laughter and applause as people began leaving the grounds. Some headed off to the castle but most headed straight for their carriages and homes. Eli was one of the very few who stood by gazing at the newlyweds. Helen had begun crying into Clare's shoulder and whispering things. Fiona, Alli and Jenna were standing in line to hug Clare. A single man in black was talking to Fitz with a bored expression. He made crazy hand gestures and pointed at Clare with disgust. This angered Eli but he didn't want to know.

"You love her," a voice mocked from behind him.

Eli spun around to come face to face with a lean boy of about his age smirking evilly. "Excuse me?"

"Where are my manners?" the boy laughed. "I'm Adam Torres. I know you love Clare. I don't blame you though, she's a great girl. Don't look at me like that," Adam joked, noticing Eli's clenched jaw, "it's not like I can steal her from you. She's married to that pathetic excuse for a man. The horror!"

Eli cracked a smile. "So Torres, how do you happen to know Clare?"

"I saw her at this ball last month," Adam explained. "She was the only girl not having fun. Couldn't blame her though, since those damn balls are the worst. Anyways, I'm kind of…courting one of her best friends, Fiona Coyne. She wants me," he grinned confidently, "but she just doesn't know it yet."

Eli scoffed playfully, "What is she, blind? Anyone can see you are such a catch."

"Aw shucks, you're making me blush," Adam joked, grinning from ear to ear. "Clare is helping me get to Fiona but it might be harder than it seems."

"How so?"

"She's out of my league. She's beautiful and of a higher class than me. I'm nothing more than the son of a prince who died years ago. It's complicated business I won't bore you with, Elijah, but trust me when I say it's difficult."

"Clare was always out of my league," Eli mused, looking over at the blue-eyed beauty who was now hugging Alli. "I'm nothing more than a stable worker and she's this storybook-princess."

Adam laughed. "Man, she loves you too. You guys should run away."

"And Fitz?" Eli deadpanned. "Should we bring him along?"

"Oh Fitz, I'll take care of him."

Eli didn't notice they had started walking and headed straight for the couple. He knew Adam was trying to help but he wanted to punch the younger boy. Fitz was whispering something to Clare and she smiled a little. Her blue eyes shone with excitement as she looked around. They fell on the walking boys, one smiling animatedly and the other grimacing.

"Adam!" Clare exclaimed, running over and throwing her arms around the younger boys neck. Eli was astonished; Clare had never shown that much excitement when she saw him. He was a bit jealous but knew it was pointless.

"Clare, you're…choking….me!"

She loosened her grip but her cheeks where wet. Tears ran down her pretty face and she couldn't help but cry into her friend's shoulder. The boy's blue eyes were watering as well and he patted her back sympathetically.

"You know I'm going to miss you a lot," Adam said, kissing the top of her head.  
>"I'm not going anywhere, silly," Clare sobbed, kissing Adam's cheek. "Thank you for always being by my side. You're one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I swear, I'll always be here for you."<p>

"Don't worry, Clare," Adam said blushing at her praise. "I'll be here too. Hey now we're starting to sound like we'll die soon. Quit it already."

Clare laughed genuinely. She saw Eli smiling at them and motioned for Adam to give them some space.

"Uh…I'll go follow Fiona around like a lost puppy," Adam said, walking away and smiling goofily at Eli.

Clare turned to see Eli smiling sadly at her. He looked utterly lost even when he was so close to his happiness. He wanted to be strong for Clare but that might be harder than it sounded. His emerald eyes reflected the loss found in her blue ones. They wanted to hold each other like there was no tomorrow but knew this wasn't the right moment.

"So you're married," Eli stated awkwardly.

"Sadly," Clare chuckled. "Although married means loving the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. That doesn't apply to Fitz and I so it's not marriage."

"In the eyes of God and the law, you're his wife."

"But not in my eyes and especially not in yours," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down to her height so they could look each other eye to eye. "You know, Fitz was the one who suggested I come look for you. He's changed, Eli, and we already made a compromise. I'll play the part of his wife but we won't have a wedding night.. He suggested I spend the night with you instead. He promised to not do anything rash."

"And you believe him?" Eli spat.

"He's visiting Julia's grave tonight."

Eli didn't know what to say. He knew that Fitz had once loved Julia but had no idea her death had affected him that much. He wasn't sure how he felt about Julia anymore. She'd died less than a month ago and it was still his fault…always his fault. He wouldn't share these insecurities with Clare but he felt it inside his body. He hated himself every time he saw her family, still mourning her departing.

"Eli, you love her, don't you?" It wasn't a question, but a mere fact.

Yes Eli loved her, but it was the kind of love she might feel for Adam. Friendly affection that couldn't be destroyed. Clare didn't have to hear any of that though.

"Today's your day, Clare," he said, changing the subject. "You better shine of Fitz's arm. Make all of those rich socialites jealous. Make me proud."

"You know I will," Clare said, giving him a toothy grin. She pulled him closer until their chests where touching. She laid her head on his shoulder. "I want to stay like this forever."

"You look beautiful."

"You're a good liar."

"You're too modest."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

They pulled away and Clare fixed her dress. "Well let's get this show on the road."

.

.

.

The reception was on full swing by midnight. The huge ballroom was dim and the chandelier offered glittery light to pour down on the dancers. People laughed at the main couple dancing on the floor; Randall and Professor Dawes. They'd both had their fair share of alcohol and now it seemed they were letting loose.

Clare didn't feel very relaxed. She was stressed to the point she snapped at anyone who asked her a simple question such as where the bathrooms were. In a few minutes she would have to get up with Fitz and greet every single guest. All of them. She had to talk to everyone and just fake a relationship with Fitz. He wasn't very happy about having to walk around either but he complied to Randall's request to do so with Clare. They finished their fancy dinner and she took a few extra gulps of wine. She just wanted to make it through the night without lashing out at someone publicly.

"Ready to go?" Fitz asked, standing up and looking down at her.

"It's show time."

The first table they had to greet was where the Goldsworthy's sat. Cece saw the two first and stood up immediately. The woman looked lovely in a dark blue gown that complemented her eyes. Her eyes got teary as she saw Clare walking towards her.

"You look beautiful," Cece stated, kissing the top of Clare's head. "Simply dazzling."

"Thank you," Clare whispered hoarsely, tears rising to her eyes.

"Clarabelle!" Bullfrog said loudly, pushing Cece aside to wrap Clare in a bone-breaking hug. "How's the party going?"

"It's…going," Clare mumbled, avoiding anyone's eyes. She hugged him back, just wanting to feel the fatherly warmth she never received as a child from Randall. "I'm going to miss you so much, Bullfrog."

"Aw Clarabelle, you're gonna make me cry," Bullfrog chuckled, brushing back her curls. "Go have fun sweetheart, you deserve it."

She nodded and wiped away the tears in her eyes. It was an emotional moment. Bullfrog had always been the fun, joking father she needed. He was a humble man and a sweet one at that. She really would miss him now that she was married. As a married woman she couldn't just skip right over to Bullfrog's shack. There was something wrong with it in the eyes of everyone.

"Clare, why don't you talk to Eli?" Cece suggested in a low voice. "It'll be fine. If anyone asks you just stepped out for some fresh air."

"But Fitz -"

"He's over there with his family," Bullfrog noted, looking at a table across from them.

Clare complied. She had to take advantage of all the time she had left with Eli before she had to play her role as Fitz's wife. She looked over at Eli who was staring at her lovingly, if only with his eyes shining with tears. They pushed through a crowd, Clare having to stop a few times to talk to friends, but finally they were outside. The door they left through led them to the garden Clare loved so much. The breeze was blowing sweetly in her face, the intoxicating smell of roses wafting up to her nose. Eli was staring up at the sky, at the full moon. The moonlight poured down on them, showering them with momentary bliss.

"So how was your dinner?" Clare asked awkwardly, trying to make small-talk.

"Delicious," Eli replied, still avoiding her eyes.

"Why won't you look at me?" she whispered, stepping closer to him. She wrapped her small hands around his neck and brought their faces together. She could smell his warm breath on her lips and feel his eyes running over her face.

"I love you," he gently said, kissing her passionately. Their lips connected, their bodies so close together made everything feel better. She sighed contently and pulled away.

"You know, contraband kisses at my wedding are really fun," she mumbled against his lips. They were so close to hers but he wouldn't kiss her, teasing her slowly and playfully.

"I agree."

They kissed some more, time flying by them at the speed of light. She wanted this moment for life, but knew that soon enough she had to go back inside and play an act of happiness at Fitz's side.

"When's the party going to end?" Eli asked, smirking at her.

Her heart fluttered and she had a hard time concentrating on his question. "W-Well, it's already o-one am so I'm guessing s-soon."

"Good."

They had to pull away eventually, whimpering at the loss or warmth. They walked inside calmly and went their separate ways. Clare had to find Fitz and ask him when the party was over. Hopefully soon so she could be with Eli. When she found him, he was talking to Julia's family. They all smiled weakly at Clare but didn't protest when the girl enveloped each of them in a hug. It was her way of saying sorry with no words. Soon enough, people began leaving, hugging the newlyweds and wishing them luck in their marriage. They thanked them and walked towards other groups of departing people.

"Go with Eli," Fitz said suddenly with a shrug. She looked at him like he was crazy. "Come on, Clare, we all know you want to be with him right now. Just go. I'll tell the remaining guests that you felt sick and went up to your room. Just go before I change my mind."

"Er…okay," she aid, nearly running out of the ballroom. She looked around for Eli but didn't find him around. Disappointed that he might've left, she headed for the stables, hoping he'd be there. She quickened her pace and tore the veil off her head, along with the pearls holding it up. She didn't want to be alone, not tonight. When she got to the stables, she knocked on the door rapidly.

He opened the door. "Hey."

"I need you now."

_I updated! Yay!_


	14. Hey Darling, I Hope You're Good Tonight

I forgot to say this in the last chapter. This is the last chapter! It's been a long story, the longest I've ever written and the one I love the most. Thank you all SOO MUCH for your support. This wouldn't have ever been done without you. There's this chapter left and an epilogue so watch out for that too! Oh! One more thing so samcabral: _Now that Clare's married she has to move to the neighboring castle that belongs to Fitz. I know it sounds complicated but more people know about her an Eli being friends. Even so, they can't just go over to the Dot and hang out, 'cause she's married. I hope my crappy explanation helps._

Enjoy!

* * *

><p><em>You know you can't give me what I need, And even though it means so much to me, I can't wait through everything.<em>

"Come in," he offered, opening the door wider and letting her walk in. The stables where dark and quiet, an eerie comfort that Clare associated with Eli. She would miss this place once she moved to Fitz's castle. She didn't want to be reminded of that but it was nearly impossible.

"Uh…so…where's Fitz?" he mumbled, sitting in a nearby wooden chair.

"He told me to come looking for you," Clare explained shaking her head. "He's a nice man, Eli.. I know he won't hurt me."

"How can you trust him after everything he's done?" Eli growled, his fingers clenching into fists. "He ruined my life and Julia's too."

"Why does it always come back to Julia?" Clare questioned, glaring straight at Eli. "You always say Julia this, Julia that. Get over it, Eli. You can't live in the past forever.

"She died and I don't think I'll ever get over her," he explained quietly. "If that's why you came over here, then you should be on your way."

Her jaw dropped. Eli had never kicked her out of the stables. He had never been so rude in his life. But she stepped way past the line and he wasn't having any of that. She knew better than to speak ill of the dead but that didn't stop her from saying those things about Julia. It hurt him. Julia was his first love, before he realize he liked Clare as more than a friend. Julia was his first everything and even though she was arrogant and moody, he cared for her. Clare might never understand that but she wasn't supposed to.

"Clare, just go to your castle and have your wedding night with Fitz," Eli spat. "I'm sure he's a real dreamy kisser."

Her face flushed and she fidgeted with her hands, cracking her fingers and avoiding his eyes. "I won't go to him. He's not Eli Goldsworthy." She said this so timidly and innocently that he cracked a smile.

"Edwards - I can still can you that, right? I just can't picture you as a Fitzgerald." Eli smirked and rolled his eyes when her face went pale. "Look, I just want your happiness. But…one thing. Don't ever talk about Julia again. I don't want to remember her when I'm with you because I'm not supposed to. It isn't right and besides when we're together, I want it all to be about you."

She nodded and shrugged. "I don't want to take her place in your bed."

"I told you," he warned.

"Fine, fine. It's all about you and I."

She smiled, breaking his heart a little as she did so. She had the ability to do this unlike anyone else. She could light up his life with a look from her deep eyes. Destiny chained them together and not even death could pull them apart.

At once they were standing in front of each other, the dim moonlight shining down upon them. Her perfect curls framed her porcelain face, making her look more beautiful that Eli had ever seen her. Her blue eyes glittered with excitement and anticipation. He smirked at her, melting her heart with a fire only he could light up. He leaned in and she closed her eyes waiting. Their lips met and there wasn't sparks. No, there was more than sparks. There was a clash of lightning and stars lit up on the insides of their eyelids. Her cheeks were flushed and he managed to smirk even though their lips were pressed together.

He was everywhere and everything. He was the soft, humid breeze that swept her reddish brown locks away from the soft skin on her neck. He was the warm skin that brushed against hers and they held each other in a tight embrace. He was the heart pounding in her chest, racing like a hummingbird taking the sweet nectar from a flower. He was her miracle, an impossible dream that happened. It was too much to take in but she made sure to memorize every lingering touch and caress. She wanted this moment to last forever, etched in her memory like a beautiful oil painting.

"I love you more than you can ever imagine," he whispered against her skin, leading them to a pile of blankets on the wooden floor. "You have no idea how much I love you. I can't live without you."

"I - I love you too," she mumbled, running her fingers through his dark hair. "I swear I'll love you forever."

He tangled his long fingers in her hair making her giggled. He smirked against her ivory skin. "You little minx."

She laughed happily, tracing patterns on his chest. "I'm never going to forget this night. You are the most beautiful man on earth."

"Why thank you, but I knew that already," he joked, placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

They held onto each other for a while. She rested her head against his chest, looking up at the ceiling of the old wooden stables. There was a few cracks here and there, allowing her to look up into the deep blue sky. Stars mingled among the clouds, making Clare smile.

When she first found out she was getting married, she imagined her wedding night to be a night to forget; she never wanted to spend a night with someone she didn't love which meant no one who wasn't Eli. Now that the day had come and her wedding went by without a problem, she couldn't believe how much things had changed. Fitz let her spend this night with her true other half. He really had changed paths and gone down a better road. She had to thank him somehow.

"What are you thinking about?" Eli asked suddenly, brushing her curls back and running his other hand up and down her arm, sending shivers down her spine.

"I was just…thinking about how everything that has happened. You know, the wedding, the groom, the wedding night." She sighed. "sometimes I just wonder how my life would've been without you. I can't see myself being happy."

"I don't know what I would've done if I had never met you as a kid," Eli chuckled. "You made every day we spent together a memory."

"Like when you fell off a tree?" Clare said, nudging his arm.

"Exactly!" Eli exclaimed. "You were younger than me and wearing a dress but you made it to one of the top branches in a few seconds. I fell ten feet off the ground and sprained my ankle."

"You're just weaker," she said sticking out her tongue.

"I happen to have horrible balance," he muttered with a pout. "Besides when we went fishing with Bullfrog I caught a fish before you."

"That doesn't count, I get sea-sick a lot," she protested, her blue eyes making something stir inside of him. "You knew that yet you get jumping up and down on the little boat, making me more dizzy."

"Did not… I was just excited."

"Yeah, sure, Eli, whatever you say." Clare laughed, scratching her nails against his skin. "Remember when I told you to stop visiting me once I turned thirteen? I'm really sorry about that. My father kept saying it wasn't right for a girl to be with a young man so much. He said it wasn't right and I shouldn't be doing that. I really regret that.. Maybe if I ignored my father's suggestion I would've realized I loved you sooner."

"it's in the past," Eli said stiffly. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"But I do," she argued, sitting up and looking at him through her eyelashes. "I was always so weak and afraid of my father because I thought he'd leave my like my mom did. I was scared of being alone without him if I didn't follow his rules. If I would've stood up for myself then maybe I could be married to you riht now."

"Don't dwell on the past; it won't make you my wife," he said through gritted teeth. "Whatever happened three yeas ago isn't up to us to fix. Stop going back into our old lives and trying to make them right. Just get over it."

His words stung but no word then his icy glare. His emerald eyes were darker than usual and in the dim light they looked almost black. Clare gasped quietly, never having seen this side of Eli and sure that she didn't want to. He looked like he was controlling his anger, but obviously not doing a very good job of it.

"What is your problem?" she whispered hoarsely.

He looked down, as if realizing what his words had done. He grasped his head in his hands, pulling at yanking at his chocolate-brown hair cascading over his eyes. Low groans escaped his lips and he fell back onto the blankets, his bare back making contact with the hard floor.

"What's wrong, Eli?" Clare whispered, trailing soft kisses up and down his jaw. "Tell me what's bothering you."

"I…I don't know anymore," he breathe, low sobs racking his body. "All these things are happening so fast that I don't want to forget them. I feel like I'm loosing you and you're still here. What's going to happen to us once you leave this castle? What are we going to turn into?"

He broke her heart with his broken look. His hair was frazzled and his eyes red and puffy. His plump lips where open and he was breathing heavily, waiting for an answer that she didn't have."

"I don't know," she murmured, pressing a hand to her clammy forehead. "I honestly don't have any idea where we go from here. I promise I'll never leave your side and - "

"Don't make promises you know you can't keep," Eli said sharply. "You keep making these stupid promises that don't mean anything. Instead, act on them. I don't want to hear that you'll love me forever because we both know that you'll fall for Fitz. He's playing the good guy for now but I know he's just doing so to get on your good side. You'll fall for him of for that waiter, Jake. I saw the way he looked at you and I know he likes you. Someone else is going to take my place one day, you just wait and see."

"How can you say that?" Clare cried out, "You're making this so hard! God, I'm tired of this fighting. Can't you just be happy we're together right now?"

"I want you to be mine forever." His steely glare made her shrink back unconsciously. "I don't want anyone else to see your beauty or love your charm. Because you're mine. I swear, I just want to keep you all for myself and not let anyone else look at you. I can't because that'd be considered kidnapping.. B-But you wouldn't mind right? You love me."

He sounded crazy. Mental and insane. And it frightened Clare to the core. Eli was acting unlike himself and it just wasn't right. The pieces of this puzzle didn't fit together.

"Why are you acting like this?" Clare asked, trying to steady her voice to hide her fear.

"I love you and you love me," he argued, ignoring her question.

"Maybe we weren't meant to be together," she mumbled out loud, instantly regretting her choice of words when she saw his eyes flash with anger.

"We are," he stated, grasping her upper arm and pulling her closer. "I want you to love me how I love you. I need you like air to breathe, Clare. You have to understand that."

"But you can't kidnap me!" she nearly screamed, pulling away from him and standing up quickly. "You said it yourself, you would if you could. I told you that I'll never leave you and I'm not planning on going back on that promise. Isn't that enough?"

"Julia said that," Eli said, his voice cracking. "She said that in the beginning. She swore to me that no one could ever take away what we had. And look at what happened to her. She died. She died without giving a damn. I hate her for that. I hate myself for not saving her."

"It wasn't your fault," Clare whimpered, clinging onto his arm for dear life. "Stop blaming yourself for that, all right? I don't want to hear it anymore."

He shut his eyes tightly and nodded. He was troubled to the point where Clare couldn't save him. She didn't have the slightest idea of what he was going through. First his girlfriend and fiancée got trapped in death's claws and now the love of his eternity was married. He couldn't handle the pressure of being composed all the time and not breaking down. He was after all human.

There front door was swiftly opened and they both spun around to see who stood in the threshold. Under the moonlight, Randall Edwards scowled at his daughter and her friend. They were standing awfully close with their clothing ragged and hair tangled. Her face was flushed and she attempted to fix her wedding dress, trying to fix herself up but not doing a very good job. The boy picked up his shirt in a fluid movement and buttoned it up, moving away from her in the process.

"What the hell is going on here?" Randall yelled, making Clare jump at his voice. "Well? Have you two gone tongue tied now? Answer me!"

"I…" They didn't even know where to begin. Should they start of by saying they were lovers? Or that they had been more than just friend for a while now? Maybe that Clare had lost her innocence to him? None of those options would make Randall happy but they had to say something quickly.

"I love Eli," Clare blurted out, shaking from her confidence. "I am spending my wedding night with him because I don't love Mark."

"What on earth are you going on about?" Randall said, taking a few steps towards his eldest daughter. "You, Clare Edwards, are a disappointment to this family! How dare you taint our reputation by messing with the help? Outrageous!"

He took a handful of her curls and yanked them, making her collide with his fist. He said, "You can I are having a talk. And you, Goldsworthy, will never see her again. I won't have you killed because Bullfrog's my friend but I don't ever want to see you speaking to any of my daughters ever again."

Eli was too numb to argue and instead cast a look down at the floor, avoiding Clare's accusing eyes. He knew he should fight for his right to see her but he was terrified. Randall was a man who would act on his word and he didn't want to kill his mom by getting himself murdered. It was unfair.

"Let's go," Randall grumbled, letting go of Clare's hair but grabbing her arm and dragging her across the green lawn. "I don't want anyone to hear about this. Chantay Black, that nosy reported from town, came over and I don't want these news spreading like wildfire."

Clare whimpered n response, tears gathering in her eyes. The walk to the castle seemed to take forever but before she knew it her, father was pulling her through the kitchen entrance. Cece sat on the tiny table in front of the stove, sipping hot chocolate in a mug. When she saw Clare in her tattered clothing and teary cheeks, she instantly rushed to the younger girl's side.

"Get away, Cecilia," Randall said firmly. "I found her with your son in the stables."

"W-What?" Cece gasped, a hand flying up to her heart.

"She was with Elijah in the stables," Randall repeated slowly as if speaking to someone with mental disabilities. "I heard some laughs and then a yell coming from over there and I found them."

"Clare," Cece whispered, trying to take hold of the girl's weak hand.

"You might as well stay, since you're a mother to her," Randall spat as they reached the foyer. "I want you to explain to me why you were with that boy. Why on your wedding night, when you should be with Mark."

"I told you love Eli," Clare whispered. She bit back her tears and explained everything, leaving out a few details here and there. She told her father everything, from the ball at the Coyne's to that very evening. Randall didn't seem to astonished that Fitz let her spend the night with Eli, defending the boy because he was "an honorable young man." She kept tumbling over her words and sputtering, Cece taking her hand in her own warm one and offering what little comfort.

"I never expected this from you, Clare Dianne Edwards," Randall said, pacing around the rug with his hands tightly clasped together. "You ruined your marriage, I hope you know that. I want you out of this land within a day. I'll make up some excuse that you fell sick and had to leave. I don't want you to bring more shame to this family."

"B-But where a-am I supposed to g-go?" Clare asked miserably.

"I don't care," Randall yelled. "If you can sleep around with the help then you can surely find a home. I just want you gone. Leave this castle. And Mark will also pay for lying for you. You're both at fault but you… I thought I knew you, Clare. I trusted you and cared for you - "

"You never cared for me or Jenna!" Clare screamed furiously. "Mom told me how you wanted sons not daughters. She told me we were disappointments to you. Don't you dare say you cared for us and loved us because we all know those are lies!"

His hand came crashing down on her right cheek in slow motion, leaving destruction in it's path. A red hand print was left on her pale skin. Fresh tears spouted from her eyes and she cried in horror and pain.

"Don't you ever speak to me like that, Clare," he warned, stomping away. "Or I'll make sure you pay."

He walked up to his room, leaving his daughter in the arms of Cece. The girl wept freely, pressing a cold hand onto her face. Cece wrapped her thin arms around the shaking body, trying to help but not doing a good job. She hated seeing Clare like this because she loved the girl as if she was her own daughter. Clare's pain was Cece's pain.

"Why does he hate me?" Clare cried, muffling her sobs against Cece's shoulder. "I try to be a g-good daughter b-but I'm never e-enough."

"You don't have to be anything you don't want to be," Cece whispered, rocking her back and forth in her arms. "I love you just the way you are and I know Eli does too. We'll fix this, all right? We'll make it all perfect like a fairytale."

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><p><strong>Well this was interesting. Um. One more chapter and then the epilogue! Yay! : D Review and tell me how much you like it! Or not…<strong>


	15. They Had Lights Inside Their Eyes

**THANK YOU SO MUCH! If it weren't for all of you readers, none of this would've been possible. I don't even know how to thank you all. This story has been by far my favorite one to have written. At first, I didn't imagine so many people liking it, but for some crazy reason you did. Thanks to you all, my writing has grown in ways I never imagined possible. I almost cried of happiness when I saw how many reviews and alerts I had. Yes, I'm a weird person :). I'm probably boring you by now but I felt it necessary to let you know that it means A LOT to me to have you read this story. To my first reviewer, samcabral (Thanks times a million!), kkdramatickarmatic, degrassiluver15, Dramarose (Thank you soo much for the ideas!), dreamsaremyescape, Deena, MissLizzie97, and to all of you anons. I LOVE YOU! Sorry, just had to get my point across.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p>Clare shook violently, thrashing under the blankets and tangling herself in them. It was a nightmare she was trapped in, only, it wasn't a nightmare. Her subconscious was replaying what had happened with her father and Eli. She couldn't wake up though, because whenever she tried, Eli would drop to his knees and beg her not to leave. Her cheeks were streaked with salty tears and her face was pale. She shivered and groaned in pain although she was perfectly fine. In her dream, Randall took out a gun, silver and shiny in the glimmering moonlight. he aimed it straight at Eli's chest but Clare jumped in the way at the last minute. She took the bullet for him, letting it pierce through her skin and flesh. She fell to the ground, Eli holding her. She let out a scream, and the dream faded, mist pulling her away from Eli. She was back in her room and Cece and Julia were looking over her. Jenna<p>

had her right hand tightly clasped with Clare's left. She stroked Clare's limp curls and whispered soft words into her ear. Cece was kneeling at the foot of the bed, hoping that C

lare would wake up soon. There was an old saying to never wake up someone who was dreaming or having a nightmare, and although she didn't know she consequences she wasn't about tot wake up Clare. She looking over at Jenna who was crying as much as Clare. She knew this was difficult for the younger girl. Jenna had overheard Randall screaming at Clare and knew that her sister would leave the castle. She was dreading the moment when this would happen because then she'd be left alone. Sure, the two Edwards' sisters argued but they loved each other immensely and wouldn't be apart for more than a day.

Somehow Clare managed to snap out of her nightmare, shooting off the bed and clinging onto her sister for dear life. She wept, staining Jenna's pink nightgown with her tears. Cece thought it was a moment between the sisters but then Clare pulled her into the hug. The three held each other there, their warmth giving some piece of familiarity to Clare. She hadn't been held like this since she was a child and she needed it.

"I promise you it'll all work out," Jenna whispered, kissing the top of Clare's head. "You can't leave me, okay? I won't let you."

"It's time for me to go," Clare sobbed, gently shoving Jenna back and wiping away her tears. "I don't want to be here when Father wakes up. Who knows what mood he'll be in."

She got off the bed, her fragile body moving over to her wardrobe. She pulled out a suitcase and dropped it onto the floor, raising small particles of dust into the air. She began pulling out her simplest gowns, leaving the ones reserved for special dinners behind. She took out corsets and panty hoses from drawers, placing them over the dresses inside the suitcase. Jenna and Cece watched, not knowing what to do. They wanted to help but figured it'd be best to let Clare do this on her own. Jenna took Cece's hand in her own, needing someone to hold her close. She couldn't bear to see her sister pack her things up without a word.

Clare had so many things she wanted to say. She thought of giving a letter to both Cece and Jenna as soon as she left. She couldn't face their tears and pleas to make her stay.

While she packed, she formed a wall between herself and the world. She would no longer let anyone or anything hurt her emotionally. Once she got attached to people, she got hurt, left broken and battered to fend for herself. She promised herself that once she left this hell hole, she wouldn't ever look back on her family, except for Jenna, Cece and Bullfrog. They _were _her family.

"Where are you going to go?" Jenna asked quietly.

"I've been thinking about going to live with Helen for a while. She probably has an extra room and I guess she might let me stay there." Clare sighed and wiped her tears, turning her back on Jenna and Cece and looking out the window. The sun was still hidden behind dark clouds, giving it the look of a storm approaching. She knew a terribly night would leave to an even worse day. "Had Fitz come back from the cemetery?"

"Uh…Father's having a talk with him," Jenna mumbled, scratching her pasty face. She hadn't slept in hours and dark circles where forming under her eyes. "He came back at around five in the morning. Father told him he knew that you spent the night with Eli. They argued for a while and then he took him to his study. I heard Father mention a divorce from you."

Clare's heavy heart was thudding fast. She had gotten Fitz into more trouble than he deserved. She had to fix it. "Where is he?"

"The guest room," Cece offered, wrapping Jenna in a hug. "Go see him, Clare. He told me he wanted to talk to you once you woke up."

Clare nodded. "I'll go right now."

She shut her suitcase and dragged it to the door, propping it on its side and leaving it there. She turned to the two women who sat on her bed. She would miss them more than they could ever imagine. But she had to leave, for their own good. She didn't say anything as she opened the door and walked into the cold, dark hallway. She remembered the many happy memories she had of running up and down these halls with Jenna. Soon that's all they'd ever be - memories. She pushed away all those thoughts and walked purposefully to the west wing of the castle were the guest rooms where located. She remembered Fitz telling her he'd take the Heaven Room. No one knew why it had such a name but many assumed it came from everything being white and clear. It made Clare feel relaxed whenever she visited the room for some early morning reading. She knocked on the tall oak door and waited patiently for someone to open up. Finally, Fitz emerged looking tired and wary.

"H-Hey, Fitz," Clare muttered, looking down and avoiding his eyes.

"Good morning, Clare," he answered nonchalantly, looking straight at her. "How are you? Oh, wait, I'm guessing you're terribly saddened by the fact you got caught with Eli. Tragic, isn't it?"

"You're not on my father's good side either," Clare retorted, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at him.

"But Clare-bear, I am," he said simply, moving to the side to let her into the room. "Your father has no problem with me being noble and visiting my deceased lover, Julia Fields." He smirked at her pallid face and continued. "You see, Randall Edwards finds me to be a very good husband. I 'gave up' my love for Julia to keep my promise to marry you. He thinks that I was a kind man in letting you spend the night with Elijah. Of course he was mad that you even cared to look at someone as poor as Eli. Still, I'm not on your father's bad side like you."

"But you told me to go!" Clare argued. "You told me. You have as much fault as me."

"Yet I'm not the one who has to leave," Fitz sneered with a dark laugh. "I'm going to stay in this very castle for a long time. Randall has made me his business partner and we signed a contract for five years. He also told me that once you leave, I'll play the part of the depressed widow on the look out for a new wife, since my first one died unexpectedly."

"So I'm just supposed to die and leave everyone's life?" Clare asked on the verge of hysteria. She couldn't believe what she was hearing; Fitz had tricked her all along. That's why he was so kind when he told her to go with Eli. It was all a conspiracy to ruin Clare's happiness.

"So where are you going to stay now?" Fitz asked with a lazy smile.

"That's none of your business," Clare muttered looking out the window.

"I'm still your husband," he reminded her.

"You just said you're a widow."

"Hmm… Good point. But you haven't died yet nor asked for a divorce. That makes you Clare Dianne Fitzgerald. Has a nice to it, don't you think?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not your wife. And much less a Fitzgerald."

"Whatever you say, love," he growled, smirking devilishly. "You better be on your way, though. You don't want your father to wake up and find you here."  
>She nodded, knowing he was right. She strode out of the room without looking back. <em>How could you ever have pity for a soul like his? <em>Clare thought to herself. _He doesn't deserve any happiness in his life. That's probably why Julia never loved him and why she wanted to be with Eli. _She kept running through the same things in her mind. First she had to go see Eli before leaving. It was only fair that she said goodbye because she didn't know when they'd meet again. She nearly ran outside, the dawn engulfing her in a thick fog. She could hardly see three feet in front of her, guiding herself by the distant forest. She walked quickly, trying to see if the stables where up ahead. Thankfully they were and Clare could see the shape of a man standing by the horses feeding them.

"Eli!" she called out.

He turned around and smiled faintly. He brushed the white horse's mane and let it graze on the grass. He walked towards Clare silently, brushing his fingers through his hair.

"What are you doing up at 4 in the morning?" he asked softly.

She didn't answer. Instead she threw her arms around his neck. She looked into his green eyes glazed with shock. She leaned in and kissed him, a kiss filled with raw passion and lust. A kiss that was meant for goodbyes. He wrapped his arms around her small waist and pulled her as close as he could manage. They attacked each others lips ferociously, knowing time wasn't on their side. She ran her nails down his back, raising a loud groan from his throat. She didn't want to ever pull away from his warm skin but she did. She gasped for air and panted, wanting more.

"Clare," he murmured breathless.

"Eli, I'm leaving," she whispered against his neck.

"..What?"

She didn't want to see the brokenhearted look in his eyes. She tried looking anywhere but in those pools of emerald. "I'm leaving in an hour or so."

"W-Why?" His voice cracked.

"My father - he said that I can't live in his castle anymore. He said I can't taint the family's reputation any further. I'm leaving really soon."

"he can't do this!" Eli growled, holding onto Clare's forearms tightly. "He can do whatever he wants to me but he can't kick you out of your home!"

Tears burned in her blue eyes. "He already did. But I promise I'll be fine. I'll go live with my mother for a little while. She surely has some space for me, at least for a small while."

"You're going to go with your mom?" he asked incredulously. "And Jake?"

"Jake is a nice man," she mumbled feebly. "He's supposed to be like a stepbrother since our parents are married."

"That won't stop him from liking you."

"I don't like him, Eli."

They stared each other down, blue clashing with green. Snow burning against fire. Light fighting with ice. They couldn't tear their eyes off each other, knowing these would be their last moments together. Clare didn't even want to bring up the fact that Fitz had gotten away with visiting Julia's grave. She knew this would only anger Eli further and make him do something really stupid.

"Promise me you'll stay away from him," Eli whispered, cupping Clare's face in his broad calloused hands.

"I promise you," she said gently.

He smirked. "maybe we should make these last moments count."

"I do not know what you're talking about," Clare said, feigning innocence.

He smirked wider, rolling his eyes as well. "How about you let me show you?"

"That would be nice."

He led her to the stables, kissing her neck softly and making Clare moan. She wanted him more than ever. Looking back, she wouldn't have ever imagined herself doing these things with someone she wasn't married to. She'd been thought to believe that sex was supposed to happen between a married couple once she was older, not with her best friend. She didn't care. She didn't want anyone else ever again. Eli gave her love and trust and everything a girl could ever wish for. He wasn't stable and that was the last thing on Clare's mind. Whenever she was around him, her mind was clouded by his mesmerizing eyes. She got lost in a sea of green, deep and mysterious but offering all those feelings she couldn't control. Anyone could say she was a girl with raging hormones but she knew there was more to it than that. She was in love.

People can go through life without knowing what love is. Millions never feel what she felt in those moments. Clare Edwards felt complete and it was something she'd hold onto for the rest of her life. Those minutes of fulfillment that she felt with Eli would haunt her when she wouldn't see him. He'd be the faint smell of wood that she'd wake up to in the mornings. He'd be the fog outside her window, reminding her that she'd make it through thick and thin.

As they loved each other, Clare couldn't help but feel that something was wrong. Eli smirked at her as she got up, dressing herself as quickly as she could. He sensed something was off too but didn't ask. He had a feeling it had to do with the fact that she would have to leave soon.

"I'm going to miss you," he whispered against her skin as they lay next to each other fully dressed again.

"How much?" she teased.

"A lot…from here to the sky," he joked.

"That's not a lot," she said with a pout on her pink lips.

"Fine…from here to the sun."

She smiled. "That's a lot better, Elijah."

"Don't call me that," he groaned. "Nana Goldsworthy used to call me that."

"More reason to call you that then!" Clare laughed, giving him a peck on the lips.

"You know, Clare-bear -"

"Don't you dare call me that again!" she squealed, punching his arm. "Jenna calls me that when she's had a few too many glasses of wine."

"Well, Clare-bear, once you stop calling me Elijah then we can work a compromise," he suggested, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

"Oh really? What would that be?"

He whispered, "We'll commit the perfect crime, I'll steal your heart, you steal mine."

She blushed at his words and looked down. "Sounds amazing."

"I know."

"Stop being so cocky, Goldsworthy," Clare grinned.

"Stop being so beautiful," Eli whispered.

She giggled like a schoolgirl and turned to look outside. The sun was rising from behind the dark clouds. She had to be on her way.

"You have to go right?" Eli mumbled, his voice strained and hoarse.

"Yes…really soon."

He groaned quietly. "When will I see you again?"

She didn't know what to say so she kept quiet, hoping he'd understand. Apparently he did because he didn't pursue any further. He got up and extended a hand, helping her get up. She thanked him and made her way outside, trying to stop the tears that made their way down her face.

"Don't cry," he begged. "I don't like it when you cry."

She wiped away the tears from her flushed cheeks and smiled, trying to make the conversation light. "I'll see you soon, Eli. I promise."

"Have I ever told you that I love you?" he smirked.

"I believe so," she giggled.

"I love you," he said softly, caressing her cheek one last time. "I'll visit you over the weekend."

She nodded. "I'll be waiting."

Clare walked away before she could start crying. She didn't want Eli to see her as weak; she wanted to be strong for him. A smile crossed her lips and she knew she went through hell and back for him. That had to count for something, right? Surely Fate would give her some points for that. She'd made it through! It was a bittersweet victory that she couldn't deny to herself as she climbed the front steps of her castle. She took a good look around and saw Cece and Jenna in the foyer waiting for her with her suitcase.

"We figured we might as well bring your stuff down," Jenna murmured. "You'll be going now, right?"

"I have something...something to do," Clare smiled, running up the stairs and locking herself in her room.

She knew she had to leave something for Cece and her sister to hold onto once she was gone, so she decided on letters. Something short and heartfelt that would remind the two that Clare Edwards would never leave. She started her letter to Cece first:

_Dearest Cece, __I will eternally be grateful to you. You were the mother I didn't have up until a few weeks ago. You were my mom when I was growing up. Thank you. I have no words to express how much I'll miss you. Everyday when I wake up, I promise to remember both you and Bullfrog. You were my adoptive parents and I couldn't have gotten any luckier. I hope that you'll visit me every now and then. It'll mean a lot to me. Take care of yourself and of Bullfrog too. Make sure Eli doesn't get into any trouble. Love, Clare._

She knew Cece would cry while reading this but she didn't think they'd be sad tears. She started on her letter to Jenna:

_Jenna, I know we don't always get along but I want you to know that I love you. Your the best sister a girl could ask for. Stop drinking, Jen, please. It doesn't make me happy to see you intoxicated every week. Listen to me: take care of yourself. No more escapades with that Guthrie boy. You don't want Father to be mad with you too. Keep an eye on Cece; she means well. You better visit me once in a while. I love you, sister, and you get that in your head. Keep up with your studies and say hello to Dawes for me. Let her know where I'm staying. Love, Clare-bear._

She folded up the letters and put them on envelopes, signing the names of where they were going on the front. She left them on her desk and raced out of her room. The Clare of three months ago would've said goodbye to Randall, or not have gotten herself kicked out at all. The new Clare didn't care to say goodbye to the man who never cared for her. It was heartless of her but his actions where far worse.

As she descended down the stairs she saw Cece and Jenna talking quietly, probably about her departing. She acted strong and gave them both heart wrenching hugs. Cece smelled like the fire that burned in the kitchen where she cooked. It was a comforting scent that Clare associated with motherhood. Jenna teared up a bit but acted just as strong as her sister. She couldn't bear to see Clare walk away but she couldn't stop her anyway. It was getting late and the carriage was awaiting. Clare pulled away from the women wordlessly and hopped in, telling Reese where to go. As the carriage started moving, Clare looked out the back window. She spotted Eli running over to Cece. The woman held her son as he sobbed over his lover. Jenna actually gave him a smile and the three started talking.

Clare couldn't help but feel left out. She should be the one holding Eli, not in the carriage on her way to her mother's house. She couldn't change what had happened though but would rather take this that see Eli get killed.

The carriage slowly made its bumpy way to town, and Reese pulled up to the boutique where not too long ago Clare had bought her wedding gown. She caught her mother opening up the shop and looking curiously at the Edwards' carriage. Ever since the wedding, Helen had been on good term with her old family but that didn't stop her from being suspicious as to why the family carriage was in front of her.

Clare stepped off the carriage and faced her mother. "Good morning."

Helen looked confused. "Clare? What on earth are you doing here so early?"

"Do you have a room I can stay in for a few days?" the girl questioned nervously.

Helen's brow furrowed. "What?"

"Father kicked me out."

* * *

><p>Several cups of tea and coffee later, Clare and Helen were out of tears. The older woman had cried a lot during Clare's storytelling of the past night's events. She couldn't believe that less than a day after her wedding, Clare was homeless. And all thanks to her ex-husband.<p>

"You see why I left?" Helen shrieked. "Randall is a good for nothing man who has no heart! That's why he'll die alone one day."

"Mom," Clare warned, "he might've kicked me out of his castle but that doesn't mean I'll wish for his death."

"He has no right," Helen continued. "No right, I tell you. Next time I see him - "

"Clare!" The sweet voice called from the top of the stairs. It was Jake with a serious case of bedhead and yawning in his pajamas. "What are you doing here? It's barely seven in the morning."

"Clare's going to live here for a while, dear," Helen explained. "Her father...well I'll explain it in a little while. Clare, honey, why don't you go on up to your new room? It's not as fancy as the castle but it's not bad."

Clare nodded. "Thank you for your generosity. I really don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'll show you on up to your room," Jake offered.

She followed him up the narrow stairs until they were facing a doorway.

"Looks like we're roomies," he said with an easy smile. "This will be good, Clare. You'll be happy here."

* * *

><p><strong>Ahh! It's done! Took me a good five hours lol. Look out for the epilogue reeeeeally soon. Meanwhile, tell me how I've done. Thanks! :)<strong>


	16. My Faith In You Was Fading

**I know the original epilogue sucked big time. I'm sorry :( But this is the new epilogue! I tried making it more detailed. The original - long but boring and blahh! So here you are! Enjoy!**

**Also! Fiona is not a lesbian, Adam isn't transgenderred, Zane and Riley are both openly gay, and Jake doesn't like Clare like that.**

* * *

><p>Summer came and went in a blur. Clare didn't know what happened exactly throughout July and August. The trees changed and the weather became chillier. Besides that, life was the same. Clare's life did change drastically though. She had to grow accustomed to living with people who were actually around to care for her. Her stepfather, Glen, was the sweetest man, always making sure that Clare found everything alright in her new home. Jake was the best brother Clare could've asked for, joking and funny but thoughtful. Helen took care of Clare so well, Clare could almost forget the sixteen years her mother wasn't there for her. All in all, they were a happy family. Of course, the house was a tad small and crowded at times but Clare didn't mind. She would rather see people everywhere she went than roam a cold castle with only her thoughts as company.<p>

It was October now, and the leaves had turned a pretty golden shade. Clare walked down the street filled with laughing children. She smiled absentmindedly when she remembered her own childhood. It was filled with memories of Eli, the boy she loved more than anyone or anything in the world.

Ever since Clare had left, Randall had trapped Eli in the castle. The King refused to let Eli out of his sight because he knew the young man would instantly run to his daughter. So Randall did everything possible to keep Eli busy in his property, buying many new horses so Eli would be entertained all day long. Clare knew this from Cece, who visited often and brought news to Clare. It was nice to have connections to her old life, but Clare wouldn't trade her newfound freedom for anything.

She saw Alli up ahead, walking with Fiona. The two girls were prohibited to talk to Clare because their parents thought the girl was a bad influence of their princesses. Alli had to sneak around behind her father's back, but Fiona told them to their faces that she loved Clare and wouldn't leave her for anything. The three girls often went on walks around town, talking about anything and everything.

"Clare!" Alli called out, waving and walking faster to meet up with her friend.

Clare smiled and pushed her reddish-brown hair away from her face. She reached Alli and the two shared a hug. Their friendship was something that Randall Edwards could never take away.

"How've you been, Clare-bear?" Fiona asked brightly, enveloping Clare in a warm hug.

"Great," Clare confessed, grinning from ear to ear. "And you two? It's been weeks since I've seen you Fiona."

The older girl looked down but was still smiling. "I'm so sorry. Honestly.. Lately I've been busy with...a friend." When Clare gave her a suspicious smile, Fiona laughed. "We're not official but I really like him. Maybe you know him, he was at your wedding. Adam Torres."

Clare giggled like a little girl. "No way! Adam's my friend - well sort of. He got along great with Eli at the wedding..." She trailed off, not used to speaking of Eli so openly. "A-Anyways, I know him. He's a great man, Fi, I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks," Fiona blushed. "I haven't told my parents though. I'm sure they'll want to speak to the Torres' family and I can't have that just yet."

"Well maybe next time he can come with you to town so we can all go to dinner," Clare suggested.

"Hey, Fi's not the only one with a new man," Alli teased, running her fingers through her black hair. Clare and Fiona gave her equally surprised looks and she laughed. "Let me elaborate. I am seeing someone, too. He's not a prince like Adam, though. He's...a new employee of my parents. We just started talking and turns out we have a lot in common."

"And who is this mystery guy?" Fiona said, wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

The three girls began walking down the town park and talking. Alli was dating a cook, Dave Turner. The boy had a big heart and took risks, such as dating a princess. She looked happy, something Clare hadn't seen in a long time. Fiona, too, looked ecstatic with her new boyfriend. Adam was a great person and Clare couldn't be anymore excited for her two best friends.

But there was also a bit of envy.

Clare wanted what Fiona and Alli had. She remembered when she was the excited one with the secret love, the girl who escaped her bedroom at midnight for a walk in the woods. But that time was over.

Clare had really grown up with this time apart from Eli. She realized that many of her actions were impulsive and idiotic, but made in the name of love. She didn't regret anything but sometimes, she wished she would've taken her time to think everything through.

"My parents are leaving to Australia for business in a few days," Fiona said with a wink. "Why don't we throw a...masquerade ball?"

"You're kidding!" Alli and Clare said together.

Fiona rolled her eyes. "I am not. But seriously, we haven't had much fun these days. My parents are gone for the weekend. I have the castle to myself, and well, my brother Declan will be there too. We can invite all our friends and acquaintances and have a big celebration."

"A masquerade ball?" Alli questioned carefully, narrowing her eyes. "Fi, I'm not sure about this."

"It'll be perfect!" Fiona exclaimed, raising her hands in the air. "I'll pay my servants extra so that my parents never find out. We'll send out invitations today; I can get my friend, Zane, to make the perfect invitations to everyone in town."

"Won't people be suspicious that your parents will be gone?" Clare mumbled, looking up at the blue sky.

"That's why it'll only be guests who are under thirty. All our parents are older than that so they won't come. Our friends will be free to have fun without being watched by nosy adults," Fiona said, cocking her head to the side. "I know who will be the first to be invited."

"Who?" Alli said excitedly.

"It's a surprise. Now, why don't we go to the Dot for a coffee? I'm _dying_ for something sweet."

* * *

><p>Turns out Fiona was an amazing party planner. Just as she had predicted, Zane had made beautifully decorated invitations which he had sent out just in time. People from lands near and far would be attending the Coyne's Halloween Masquerade Ball the same night as Halloween. Everyone was required to wear a mask or costume, to keep the tradition the family had of celebrating the holiday.<p>

The biggest ballroom in the Coyne castle was decorated in thick, black and red satin curtains that hung from the ceiling. They flew down to the marble floor in elegant twirls, giving the room a dark look. The glass chandeliers weren't lit; instead, small white candles were placed on black tables that sat four. It gave the ballroom, and its occupants, an eerie glow. Fiona had arrange some live artists to perform but no one knew who they were. There was stage in the front of the huge room, with a glass wall in the back. Luckily, the full moon was out, its natural light shining through the window and pouring down to the servants arranging chairs and tables.

Fiona, Alli, Anya, Jenna and Clare were in Fiona's chambers getting ready together. Anya sat in front of the vanity, arranging her bouncy curls so that they fell neatly on her sparkly white dress. She looked like Cinderella, but with two soft wings in the back, silvery and soft. Alli wore a dark green gown with a simple black mask. She'd told Fiona that she wasn't going to dress up like her other friends because she wanted Dave to find her easily. Jenna loved the fairytale of Sleeping Beauty so she decided to dress up as her; in a rose dress with her blonde hair perfectly straight, Jenna was the real life Beauty. Fiona went a little out of her mind when she chose her costume; she wore a fiery red dress that hugged her hips tightly. On top of her curls there were two red Devil horns sat. None of her friends approved of the revealing costume but they said nothing, knowing Fiona Coyne would do as she pleased.

Clare - she was the most beautiful of the five girls. She wore an aquamarine gown that sparkled when light hit it. The color complemented her eyes perfectly. Her skin looked pale in contrast to the color, but she was dazzling. Her curls were even prettier than ever was light make up on her face but most of it paled in comparison to her natural between. On her face there was a pitch black mask that hid the top half of her face. Although her eyes were hidden in that dark sea of black, the azure orbs could still be seen glowing with happiness.

This excitement, this is what Clare needed. All those months she spent in her mother's home were all right but they weren't exciting. They didn't make a swarm of butterflies roam her stomach and make her knees shake in anticipation. Anticipation for what? For Eli. Because Clare knew for a fact that Fiona had invited him and even though she didn't let on, she hoped with her every fiber that he would show up.

"All ready ladies?" Fiona asked with a smirk. Her eyes landed on Clare and she winked. "Great! Now let's head downstairs before the guests arrive. We shall be the most amazing girls here but let's not take any chances."

"Are your friends that live in England coming?" Alli asked, rising from the bed and walking over to the door.

"The invitations were sent but I'm not sure if Emma, Manny, and Liberty will arrive in time for the ball," Fiona said with her shoulders slumping. "I really wanted you all to meet them; they are so nice."

"Maybe they will come," Clare said, trying to cheer up Fi. "They'll make it, okay?"

Fiona nodded and grinned. "Well? What are we waiting for! It's time to party!"

The five girls descended from the marble staircase and onto the foyer. A few friends were already there, among them Adam Torres. His jaw dropped when his eyes landed on Fiona and he had to take off his dark blue mask to see her better. His baby blue eyes were shiny with joy and Fiona was smiling nervously in his direction.

"I'm glad you could make it," Fiona said. She took Adam hand and pulled him toward Clare. "I heard from a little bird that you are friends with Clare."

"Adam!" Clare exclaimed, throwing her arms around her best boy friend. "I'm so happy to see you."

"I feel the love," Adam breathed with a lack of air. He returned the hug and then pulled back, admiring Clare's beauty. "You look fantastic. Guess the change of air did you good, huh?"

Clare nodded sadly. She hated the reminder of her old life but knew it would never go away. Nothing of your past ever goes away. Even when you are dead, people remember all the things you did and the ways you affected them. She couldn't forget Eli. Her memories became dusty with the passing days and she didn't want to give up the hope that one day he would be her Romeo and whisk her away to her happily ever after. For now, she was left with wishing.

More and more guests arrived once the sun fell behind the horizon. The moon was directly in front of the window and it gave the couples a romantic scenery during the slow dances. Not that there were many of those. Fiona had arranged for the wildest music to be played, something that the younger guests enjoyed quite a lot. In the middle of the dance floor you could find Zane Park and Riley Stavros dancing crazily with Bianca DeSousa and Drew Torres. The four were the center of attention, giving the party a light easygoing mood.

Clare sat in a corner with Jenna, who was waiting for her date. No one had any idea who the lucky young man was but Clare had some theories. It as probably KC Guthrie, seeing as Jenna had never really gotten over him. But Clare - she wasn't happy yet.

She wasn't having the time of her life in the dingy corner with her sister who waited anxiously for her date. No, Clare wasn't having a good time. She looked back on the moment when Fiona said a special guest would arrive but wasn't sure if that special guest would be Eli.

_Of course it's Eli, _Clare thought involuntarily. _Who else would have Fi invited to cheer me up? All the people I love are here but one and that one must be Eli Goldsworthy._

As if answering her thoughts, a dark figure swept in between the crowd and walked straight up to Clare. She could recognize the dark hair anywhere she went and her palms started sweating. The person, most likely a man, wore all black; a black cape that swept right down to the floor and the clothes underneath where the same color. However the mask was white. It was a plastic-looking mask that covered over half of his face, but left a pair of plump lips visible. Clare could recognize those lips even in her dreams.

She knew who this man was. It was the man that haunted her existence with his very presence. The same man who made her feel all these emotions she was positive she shouldn't be feeing. He made her heart beat erratically in a way that must not be normal. He made everything stand still and blur. The song currently playing - with its loud bass and meaningless lyrics - became a little whisper in the background. With every step he took, Clare could see his eyes shining emerald green. She could sense his mysteriousness radiating of his body in waves. She trembled under his gaze but couldn't look away.

Eli Goldsworthy was back in her life.

He walked confidently up to Clare and smirked. That smirk. It made Clare's insides churn in a way that was most certaintly painful. A good kind of pain.

"Would you like to dance?" he said in a husky tone, extending his hand and bowing.

She nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat. "S-Sure."

Their skin met and there was electricity. Heat rushed up to her face and she pushed away all the thoughts that told her to be careful.

As Eli pulled her onto the dance floor, Clare could feel the eyes of her friends on her. Fiona was nearby with Adam and they both smiled encouragingly. Anya gave a thumbs up and winked. Alli smiled happily and made a motion with her hands meaning that they should dance closer together. _Closer together_.

Again, Clare face burned with the thought of Eli close to her but she didn't say anything. She felt his hand on her waist and they swayed to the rhythm of the song.

_We were both young when I first saw you, I close my eyes, and the flashback starts, I'm standing there, in a balcony in summer air_

_See the lights, see the party the ball gowns, see you make your way through the crowd and say "Hello," little did I know_

_That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles and my daddy said stay away from Juliet, and I was crying on the staircase begging you please don't go._

"You look lovely tonight, Clare," he whispered against her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

"You look rather handsome yourself, Goldsworthy," she teased.

"Shh, no one's supposed to my identity," he murmured.

"Ah, okay, Romeo," Clare giggled, leaning her head on his shoulder and taking in his scent of freshness. Their cheeks brushed and their eyes met. It was something straight out of a fairytale because Clare couldn't explain what happened.

Here was the princess dancing with her forbidden prince and they were so close to each other. They could inhale each other's breath and their lips were millimeters away. And when they did kiss, it was like they had died and gone up to heaven. There was no way to describe the intensity of their lips moving in synchronization against each other or the way Eli's arms wrapped protectively around Clare. There wasn't a way to explain how their tongues battled for sweet victory in a sensual tango, eliciting the softest of moans from the back of Clare's throat.

When they pulled away, they could still feel each other all around. They went back to the first day they laid eyes on each other. They were both children less than five years old and playing in her castle. Their friendship grew into something neither could stop, nor wanted to end.

_Cause we were both young when I first saw you._

"I love you," Eli whispered against her lips, looking into her eyes and feeling a lifetime coming on.

"I love you forever and always," she said and wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him tight.

_It's a love story, baby, just say yes._

* * *

><p><strong>There! I am proud of this ending much more than I was for the previous one. I wanted to leave this a bit open ended because I want you as readers to fill in the blanks. I might've not answered every question but I think it was okay. The original was confusing and wordy and blah lol. I hope you will enjoy this! Thank you for everything! :333<strong>


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